How to Say Goodbye at a Party

I’ll be quietly ‘heading to the bathroom’ & slipping out the door till the end…🥳

We call it “cat-flapping” – just slip out unnoticed, like a cat being slinky and independent.

Whether you’re on Team Joanna or Jenny, a gentle reminder to commenters who are calling this the “Irish” or “French” goodbye: those phrases are negative ethno stereotypes ( intimating that rude — or stupid –behavior is to be expected from the Irish, or French, etc.).

I am the QUEEN of an Irish Goodbye! Slipping out undetected=🥳🥳

I could never do this, it feels so rude after someone invites you over. But…. I guess since you have been doing this people are already prepared for your exit.

Well, I must comment that as a Latina (1st generation born here) that if anyone did that at any of the parties I’ve gone to…it would be assumed that the person or persons who left w/o saying “Thank you for inviting us and good-bye” had left because someone had insulted them or that something happened to get them upset. It would TOTALLY be “What do you mean they left w/o saying good-bye…were they sick?”. So I it is cultural for sure as I see people posting it as an “Irish Good-bye”. :)

OMG, when I first read this, I was like, I’d never do that. You have to say goodbye, it’s the polite thing, etc. And then, tonight, I TOTALLY did this. I slipped out and texted a very genuine thanks and it felt so much less awkward and more polite than interrupting the host who was talking to someone and had others waiting to talk to her.

So what to do if your guests – friends we dine with regularly in our respective homes – always jump up after the meal in either of our homes, to start clearing and cleaning? I always beg them to let us clean after they leave, but they insist on “helping.” I find it really disrupts the conversational flow and usually sets a cue that the evening is abruptly over. It also impels us to jump up to join in the cleaning process.
How to navigate this?

Can we get a post on how to gracefully MINGLE at a party? Like, when you’ve been chatting with someone and the chat has run its course and you both want to go mingle with other people, how do you do that in a way that isn’t awkward?

How to ghost your host!

I used to stay at parties longer than I wanted to because I hated to interrupt the flow by saying goodbye. When you announce that you’re leaving, the host (and even other guests) ask you why and insist that you stay longer and put a sad face when you say you’re leaving nonetheless.
The first time I ghosted felt so liberating!

Ghoster for life. Always!!

Yes. I’ve been ghosting quite a bit. I only officially say goodbye when I get caught on the way out. I do message them minutes after I’m gone. I call it the French exit though
– isn’t it one and the same? ;-)

If I went to parties, I’d say yes! I want to be able to do this ’cause I stay too long avoiding the pressure of goodbye.

It’s the hellos that really matter. I put all my love and intention into a monstrous hug upon arrival – to host and friends – and then slip out quietly when it feels right. I consider the Irish goodbye a courtesy. Such a drag to announce you’re splitting and zap away energy that should remain in the flux of the party. But the hello is gold, baby.

I leave without saying goodbye if the host is talking to someone but always send a thank you text or email that night.

Irish goodbye all the way! It is my preferred exit

I would tell the host earlier in the night if you plan to slip out for bedtime routine so they aren’t looking for you later in the evening. I also would avoid texting on the way home because if the host does have their phone on them, they’re no longer present at the party while reading your (albeit thoughtful) message and depending on their stance on ghosting, they might feel a tinge of sadness realizing they missed your exit. I would save it for the following day!

I would love to ghost (for my own introverted benefit) but fall on the side of believing that it’s rude to leave a gathering without thanking the host/hostess. I’ve currently solved this problem by gathering up my family (all of my gatherings in this stage of life are family gatherings), heading to the door, and then standing there while I send my four year old to thank the host and say goodbye. My daughter knows to say “thank you for inviting us. I had a good time” and the run back to us. The host inevitably looks up and around for me and I wave and smile and mouth thank you before heading out the door.

This is a classic Irish exit……I firmly stand by doing it.

100% ghoster. I get the politeness of saying goodbye, but I don’t want the eyeballs on me as I make an exit, or to pause other people’s conversations so they can say goodbye to me.

The goodbye at a party is honestly a moment that I dread, deeply. It never occurred to me that I could just ghost and no one would care! I’m gonna start!!

This is willd. I literally haven’t been to a party that wasn’t a child’s birthday party since my own wedding 12 years ago. Adults actually have parties? I thought this was a weird adult myth like needing to own clothes that go from day to night…

Team Jenny. My long-dead mother would kill me if I left without saying thank you to the host. Even though I’m in my mid-forties, my 84-year-old father still prompts me to say hello and good-bye not just to the host but to all my elders. It’s a culture thing I cannot shake (and also impart upon my children).

Totally situational, but I generally tend to be one of those “first on the floor, last out the door” people. I like the crush and excitement of a party in full swing, but I think some of the best times at parties are when guests are dwindling and the noise lulls, and one can debrief with the host while gathering dishes and trash.