How to Say Goodbye at a Party

A quick thank you and goodbye, but make it quick. Simply disappearing is beyond rude.

Love this idea. Growing up, we had what we called “The Goodbye Tour” first for my grandmama and now my mama. We truly have to lie and say we’re ready to leave an hour and a half before we actually want to so they can get all the last-minute stories in. The rule also applies to the grocery store and church. My husband is a talker but fortunately we’ve found a good blend — I’ll tell him a target time, give him a 30 min heads up and we both get to leave happy.

This is also a key function of dragging an introvert into a room full of potential acquaintances :) Not rude at all.

Totally support the quick exit – no ‘walk around the room farewelling all the people I know’. It takes ages, and yep, it’s a bummer, and it could start an exodus. Work parties are the key party to stealth depart from too!

Wait, You had a party with 50 people in a tiny apartment last year? In 2020? During Covid?

My last name is Rafferty and I leave parties on the sly so often that my friends call it The Shady Rafferty. Bring a host/ess gift, send a thank you the next day, but absolutely no goodbye unless it’s an intimate gathering.

Never in a million years would I consider leaving without saying a quick goodbye. The thought of it is so rude to me. Is this because of my race and culture, my age, where I grew up, who I grew up with?

I would quickly hug and wave good bye, hopefully without interrupting much, then complement the next day.

Yes yes! The Irish exit. It’s perfect. If you catch the eye of the host/hostess on your way out, smile deeply, wave, blow a kiss, mouth a “so fun!!” and walk out. I’ve found that when someone does this to me, if they make it clear in their body language that they had the BEST time, but didn’t want to disturb me, I know.

I entertain frequently and put in a fair amount of effort into preparing food, buying refreshments, and pulling together my guest list — because I want it to be a pleasant/fun evening. And I assume anybody who’s invited me has done the same. Not saying goodbye is incredibly rude. I wouldn’t ever feel right about leaving a party without bidding the host/ess farewell and thanking them for a lovely time. And I wouldn’t feel the same about a friend who simply disappeared on me either. And by the way, I quick text/email/phone call sent the next day is equally as important. No matter how casual life has become, manners and grace shouldn’t fall by the wayside.

If I can easily get to the host I say my goodbyes & thank them. If I can’t find them quickly I leave.

How about a warm, yet quick goodbye, since the host is most likely in the middle of a conversation: “Hey, I dont want to interrupt, but we are heading home, so thank you for this really wonderful evening!”

I never thought of doing this i will have to try it next time I go out.

Ahhh, the ole “Irish Goodbye”, or as my family calls it, “The Connolly Sneak-away”. My dad uses the line “I’m going to go make a fried bologna sandwich”. And he was the one who taught me, just bounce. It makes people miss you more! But seriously, it takes up way too much time saying goodbye, and you only spread more germs with cheek kisses and and handshakes. Peace!

I enjoyed this discussion-provoking post, this is a conversation I’ve had with dear friends. From the perspective of both a guest and a host, I can say I’m an advocate of ghosting. Making a production of saying goodbye seems contrived and distracting. I agree it is possible to pull off a discreet farewell with a nod or a glance. However, it’s not always possible to do this well or effectively. When in doubt, I say disappear and the party will go on without you.

In my Italian-American family, saying good night or goodbye is a 30-minute ritual! If people were to simply slip out, it could cause culture shock!

I don’t know ANY immigrant culture whose members would be comfortable doing this, and I don’t believe their hosts would welcome it.

Interesting. As a hostess, I don’t see guests saying goodbye as an intrusion on my evening, or as an interruption. It’s a nice way to insure that I’ve interacted with everyone, and thanked them for coming. As a guest, it seems rude to leave without saying goodbye, and I wouldn’t think of it. I take my cues from the hosts – a quick wave or a quick chat. Judging by many of the comments, I think one is risking hurting the host’s feelings if they ignore this courtesy. Some exceptions: Huge parties (eg, a huge wedding), or maybe a group of friends where it is the agreed upon convention.

Oh my gosh no!! you have to say goodbye… people mysteriously disappearing at my party until there was one person left(me) would make me so very paranoid! – why wouldn’t they say goodbye? did i offend them? was the party that bad?? no! please don’t let these questions keep your poor hostess who’s party you actually did enjoy up at night! – i have a friend who says hes going to the bathroom when he actually means he leaving… he says he hates goodbyes and getting the “why are you leaving” question…

I get to a point at parties where i just want to go home but i always say goodbye, its an opportunity to say thank you for the effort that went into putting this together because even the most causal get-together takes effort to pull off successfully.

please say goodbye to your host – the shock of a group of people at once leaving wears off and the party continues who the people who are sticking around…

You know what? Before my Sunday night wedding last october, I would have thought this was rude. But, I spent probably at least an hour total of my reception saying bye to people, having small chit-chat, when I could have been having fun on the dance floor with my hubby or spending time with the people that were staying (like grandparents and out of town guests!). I totally agree with this one.

If it feels rude, a quick wave might be nice–people understand that you might need to get home for some reason. But it doesn’t take up 10 minutes of the host’s time for “goodbye talk”.

Great post!

I am a HUGE fan of just leaving (why take up their time?).

Oof, just read the comment about someone who didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to a brother who later died. Yeah, another case in point. Some token of a appreciation, a good time, something. Send a large group text, whatever, but something, I feel is called for or it becomes weird. Don’t make it about you or rob someone of time with others, but send a text or something as you walk to your cab, shut the door, something to put the people you left behind at ease me thinks.

TOTALLY understand where this is coming from as a host, but truly think it’s a major bummer. Granted, I don’t have or often attend larger parties and it’s quite possible that it’d make more sense with larger crowds in smaller spaces and departing. Gotta say, though, that it’s actually perceived as rude and does often makes people feel like something was wrong. We have a couple in our group who often do this exact thing and it leaves all of us perplexed and wondering if everything was okay. It’d likely be fine it they’d just say it was their m.o. and hope they didn’t offend anyone and thanked us for a good time, even if they said something the next day, but they do not. So, it just comes off as selfish and rude. Even a quick text would suffice, but they say nothing, so it feels kind of weird and little gross, honestly.

Upon first reading this, I thought this concept was absolutely brilliant . A lingering awkwardness almost always accompanies a goodbye, and so avoiding that uneasiness all together is lovely. However, I went to a party the next Sunday, after I had read this, at my oldest brother’s home. All my family, consisting of 7 siblings, all of our kids plus our parents attended. I left without a thank you or our usual hug goodbye.
Unfortunately, my brother unexpectedly died the next morning due to an undetected atrial fibrillation and more than anything I wish I had taken the opportunity to give him one last thank you and hug goodbye.
My case in point: Never skip a chance to show appreciation and love to those who mean the most to you…even if leaving a large gathering.

I do this all the time! I find it easier than tracking the host down (when they’re usually in conversation with someone else already), and then bursting their happy bubble with a goodbye. I always send a hand written note the next morning to say thank-you. If they did notice me slip out the door without saying goodbye, their joy at receiving a handmade thank you card eclipses any upset that may have been caused!

I think this is a great idea! I completely agree that good byes are typically a downer. Unconsciously I have been doing this for years even with big good byes. Living abroad I realized that having my mother drop me at the airport to return to Spain was a disaster for all of us. Tsa questioning if I was “ok” to fly was never fun. Yes I was ok, can’t a girl miss her momma????
So from a small party like yours to a going away party I have always snuck out. I always send some sort of text email or card that encompasses my sentiment that would have been the formal and in person good bye.

So funny, this wouldn’t even occur to me–I guess I’ve never hosted a party with enough people!

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