10 Great Reader Comments on Breakups

Hi,
i just want to say thank to you to Jai Sunlight for saving my marriage with her spells. My name is Daniel. I’ve been in a big deep doubt suspicion about my wife and her ex doing business together. Together they were very successful and they are still very much successful in individual. As for me, I was very uncomfortablev with the whole thing rach time I see them together., I needed a quit or a split for the both of themw cos I don’t want it to bring problems into our marriage so I quickly have to put a stop to it. I wont say how i have been all this while they go on same trip for business but thanks to jai mata for helping me create a great boundary between them for me. Bad thing did not happen to them…I’m so happy. They just decided to split and each to be the boss of its own business. They did,..and they are still both very successful. i am so happy tell everyone about Jai Mata Sunlight the Great Sharma. I am grateful as I write this comments of appreciations. I hope it’s gets to you well. So you can join me in praise and be raised from very challenge you’ve through. Are you looking for a Sharma, or a spellcaster who can give you an amazing results.? Then send a mail to ( benevolentpriestatgmaildotcom ) once your mail is received, solutions shall follow to solving problems amazingly successfully. It’s only jai mata sunlight that can do it that way.
Thanks
Daniel

I’ve also faced this issue in the last month, but now I can finally enjoy the freedom. Toxic relationships are very bad for people who are around them.

Feeling grateful for this post as I navigate a breakup that is leaving me so upended and lost and sad.

It’s literally a full year later that this was posted and I feel so grateful to have been following cup of jo for so long to know where to find all this beautiful advice.
I just got out of an eight year relationship and it is honestly one of the most brutal, heart wrenching things i’ve ever experienced in my life. after spending eight years with someone, it’s so difficult to define the lines between the two of us. where do I start, where do I end? I’m not sure I know any more. but reading the comments and seeing the community here has given me a little hope as I begin figuring that question out.

After an intense breakup about a year ago, and many many months of “being friends”, I recently told my ex I wanted to be together again, and after a few days of talking and dates, he called to end it for real. A week later, I went out with my friend to get a new piercing, and saw him on a clearly more-than-first date at the mall. We looked straight at each other and then he looked away. We dated for four years.
I thought I would truly come undone in that moment, and nearly collapsed walking through the parking lot. My friend held me up, literally and metaphorically, through that night and every day since. It’s made me realize the different types of love out there. It was a horrific moment, but has made me even closer to a friend I already knew I was lucky to have. Things have a funny way of working themselves out.

After my separation, I let myself properly grieve, sobbing in the shower so my little boy couldn’t hear me. It felt carthartic to really let go and wail while the hot water splashed down on me. I also made sure I had a good support network – friends, family and a kick-ass psychologist. I gave myself permission to skip things that were too painful (dinners with all couples, for example) in the first few months. And I asked my jeweller friend to make a special ring for me – it has my birthstone (ruby) and a smaller sapphire (my son’s birthstone) snuggled in to each other, and I smile every time I look down at it on my finger.
I still remember the first truly happy moment I had, about 6 months post-separation – I was watching my then-2 year old happily and messily eating porridge, both of us cosy and safe living in a studio in my parents backyard, and I just felt this flood of peace and contentment, and a knowledge that I’d be ok….if I could get through a god-awful breakup (after a pretty icky marriage) then I could get through anything.

Very recently, I was walking around the campus where I work, on the phone listening to my beloved boyfriend tell me that he wasn’t happy and did not see a future despite months of saying otherwise. I was gutted, and hastily got off the phone. The pain I felt was consuming. I sat on a stoop far from my colleagues and began to sob openly, achingly. A random stranger happened by and said, “You need a hug.” I said, “No, no. I’m ok,” through my puffy, tear-streaked face. She pulled me into a hug anyway, and said, “Anyone that makes you feel this bad isn’t worth it.” Then walked away. Sometimes I think we get glimpses of guardian angels when we most need it.

Ooph. I feel like I’ve gone through two break-ups – one when the person I was seeing moved across the country to go to graduate school, another when months later, after expressing confusion over where we were emotionally and how invested we are in each other’s lives, they adamantly said they didn’t want a LDR and didn’t understand where I was coming from in my feelings. I am still trying to navigate the space between caring and caring too much. It is possible to be too empathetic. After a year of significant loss, this too has me feeling adrift, but these comments are a reminder that I can take all of my tenderness and apply it to myself.

The ring story! So true. I also hated seeing my naked left ring finger during my separation and divorce; it felt like such an obvious absence to me and anyone who looked at my hand. I couldn’t stand it. I got myself a beautiful Gorjana crossover ring (the Elea Ring) to wear on my middle finger – it wraps around my finger like a big warm pretty hug, and also (to me) symbolizes the criss-crossing paths of my life, and reminds me that this isn’t the end but the beginning of something new.

This post could not be more timely. My boyfriend broke up with me on Monday, and I have been devastated this week. We’re both in law school, and the second year has been a major doozey for him. We handle stress differently, and he has just gone into hibernation. It all came to a head on Monday. Right now, I am just anticipating the hurt, grief and sadness that have yet to come, and I just feel so defeated and exhausted. Reading this post (as well as other Cup of Jo posts about breakups) and being reminded that others have gone through this has been so comforting. Also, remembering that you can do everything but if it’s not a good match for the other person, it’s not a good match–no matter how hard you love, how much you care for the other person, or how giving you are.

I’d been dating the ‘love of my life’ for 4 years, and it be honest, it was a tumultuous relationship with a lot of off-again, on-agains. Each time he’d come up to me to tell me we needed to break up and I’d ask why, to which he’d always reply ‘I don’t know’. This ate at me, and completely destroyed my self confidence, convincing me that I wasn’t good enough for him. I’d redouble my efforts to keep the relationship afloat until our final break-up a year ago. I was devastated that, once again, I wasn’t ‘good enough’. Until I came across a quote that changed my perception forever, ‘It doesn’t matter if you have the biggest, roundest, juiciest peach, the best peach in the entire world, there will always be someone out there that doesn’t like peaches’. Maybe it’s because I’m one of those people (*Bleh* Peaches), but this really resounded with me in that, you can give it your all, try your hardest, and go to extreme lengths to keep a relationship afloat, but sometimes not being ‘their one’ isn’t your fault, it’s just who they are. That it’s nobody’s fault, it is what it is, and that’s ok.

I would write out a list of why the relationship didn’t work so that a week later, when I felt like reaching out again, I would remember why we weren’t together anymore.

Also, exercising and dating yourself for sure help. I started going to the movies by myself after one back break up in my 20s. It was actually pretty awesome.

The Bario ring story! Oh my gosh I love it. These are all lovely but wow that one really resonated with me.

– Grace

I went through something similar a couple of years back, my mom’s advice, which helped me so much, was don’t rush to decide. She told me to take my time and go through my own grieving process. The time will come when you realize what the decision is, rather than trying to choose. If he messed things up, he must be patient with you while you feel your feelings. Good luck and love and warmth to you.

Cried my way through the post and all the comments. Thank you for this.

When I was younger and would come home crying after a breakup, my mom would say that life is like a river, and sometimes the trash (ex-boyfriends) would get caught in the bends so my path would be clear to keep flowing to my beautiful destination. I never really cared for it because it felt like such a mom thing to say! That is, until I had a breakup that completely blindsided me and left me into pieces. I thought life was over, but then 3 weeks later I met the man who would become my husband, the person who has been my life partner and best friend for over 11 years. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be this happy today were it not for that breakup. Now I know what my mom meant with that metaphor. I’m so glad life took care of that one last dry leaf out of my path.

Books. Books have been my constant companion long after the dust has settled on any sad situation in which friends might assume you’ve moved on. When I’ve been happy, they’ve made me further appreciate them, my life and my surroundings. When I’ve been sad, they’ve helped me learn how to deal with it, or provided me with an escape. They’re my lifelong friends and will always be grateful for them.

– this falls under date yourself – get to really know and love who you are, everything is so much better when you do.
– i love this line: ‘That’s ridiculous. You should really hope that you like him.’
– and finally, divorce does not define you but i was recently sad/appalled to realize that we still live in a culture where it does – my cousin got denied a visa by the US consulate because she is a divorced, single mother – it’s enraging

Yes, the only way out is through, and time does heal. And music – I always thought that the song “The End of the World” by Skeeter Davis pretty much summed it up.

I’ve read so many comments and it makes my heart sad to see so many women who are in the dark patch of a breakup but also inspiring to read so many women who have pulled themselves through to the sunny side. Everyone has a story and it’s comforting to know these feelings are communal.
I’ve been through a few breakups in my time, none easy but one terrible. I can’t remember ever having felt so truly sad in my life. Every day was a struggle. I was a Nanny at the time and being present for the children was what kept me going, but when I went home it was so difficult. He lived in the same neighborhood as did a bunch of mutual friends from college at the time, which only made things harder. I decided to join a running club where I knew no one. It was the best thing I ever did. This was 6 years ago and a lot of those people are still close friends. I would have never met them if I had stayed with him, and in that same circle.
I was single for 5 years after that and now I am one year into a relationship with “the one”.
My college girlfriends and I got together over the summer for a little “reunion” and we talked about that time and how I truly incredibly grateful I am that he broke up with me. He was SO wrong for me in so so many ways and my 22 year old self just couldn’t see it. We laughed talking about ex’s but we also acknowledged the difficulty of it all. One of my friends said how proud she was of me and how I came out of that, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me, because at the time I felt a mess.
I am grateful for the difficult times because they taught me a lot about myself. And I am grateful for the single years because I learned what I want. And finally I am grateful that I never settled for what wasn’t right because this is the brightest meadow of them all- when you are secure with yourself and your partner.
Stay true to you Ladies. We’ve all been there, you’re not alone. <3

Music, music, music.
My soulmate became friends with a coworker and it turned into a weird emotional-then-physical affair. It was a long and drawn out breakup as we were living together. I made him a 5-disc anthology of breakup songs and listening as I was making it was therapy in itself. By the time I let it go and gave it to him, I felt like I was ready to move on to my next phase…. The next phase was about 3 years of craziness but I’m in a good place now. And I’ve finally forgiven him. We have sons the same age and they are buddies.

I’ve been told I’m an expert on break-ups and how to get through them (not really what ever thought my claim to fame would be)

After a hard break-up in my twenties, when ever I was feeling bad, I would tell myself – “the way you’re feeling right now is the reason people stay in shitty relationships because they don’t want to go through this pain.” It was permission to feel it and it helped because I knew I had to feel the pain and loneliness to get to other side. It also made me feel powerful and brave.

After another hard one in my early thirties (I told you I was an expert) I read the book ‘It’s Called A Break-Up Cause It’s Broken” by Greg Bernhardt . It helped so much! I didn’t want to admit to myself that the relationship was broken and I just refused to see the signs.

I”m now in my forties and happily married, so there’s hope : )

When I split up with my husband I decided to read all the Booker Prize winning novels. There were about 40 to plough through and it helped me disassociate myself from my emotions which I really needed. I also got to read some incredible books too!

My story is too painful to share tonight but I do have the best ever break up song to contribute. Frazey Ford’s Done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXRrySTujn8

Just read all 150 + comments and the post and they are so helpful! Couldn’t have come more timely Cup of Jo, thank you so much and thank you to the community. Nothing gives me as much hope and warms my heart in this gut-wrenching break up I’m in right now, than knowing that others have been there too and that it will all be ok in the end. Have written down all books and podcasts recommendations and screenshotted quotes and stories. After having nightmares for several months where my caring and gentle boyfriend suddenly told me he doesn’t have feelings, it actually happened in real life and I can’t handle it because he is my first ever loving and kind boyfriend at age 32. My anxiety tells me i won’t meet anyone as kind as him and also worries me whether I will meet someone else in time, but reading your comments makes my heart skip a beat and feel secure I will. Thank you! And thank you Cup of Jo for being a place of comfort and happiness and inspiration!