My Experience Being Asian-American Today

Hi Eve! Like Elisabeth, I thank you too for sharing your story. It has added to an important and long-overdue conversation. I am a Nicaragua-American living in Austria. Nicaraguans come in all shades of color and sizes and I have the kind of unidentifiable features that make people curious about where I am from as I could pass for Middle Eastern, Northern African, European, Asian, and African-American. I sometimes get this question by the most curious of the bunch but definitely not the majority as it is considered rude, just like asking what a person does for a living is. In the USA, I have been asked where I am from on a frequency that is off the charts and by all kinds of people of all kinds of ethnicities including Blacks, Indians, Hispanics, and Whites. Sometimes, when I sense an implied otherness from the question, I simply answer the district I live in and cut the conversation short because. It’s offensive! This took time to perfect because like you, I was taught, to be polite to a fault! The US where people are absolutely obsessed with race and identity is a whole other story. Once, an African American guy followed his question about where I was “really from” by asking me about my legal status in America. This is the otherness people are talking about and it is not just being perpetrated by “whites”. I have to admit though that I have also had some of the most interesting conversations come out of this question and here context and nuance is important. When I sense genuine childlike curiosity, rude as it may be, I usually ask the question in return, no matter who’s asking, and out comes the acknowledgment that America, a land we are all borrowing from Native Americans has and will always be fueled by immigrants. I also use the question to push tourism in Nicaragua and tell them about a gorgeous country full of sunshine, lakes, and volcanoes- to a point where some probably wished they hadn’t asked me in the first place! Anyway, Eve, chin up. You belong but ignorance is hopefully on the way out.

I think a lot of Americans born IN America claim their heritage as their birthplace. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m Irish but I was born in Massachusetts “ same for the “Italian” born in New York State.

Exactly! The question itself implies that you don’t belong, and that there’s no way you could be *from* here because you’re Asian! Non BIPOC, you need to understand and learn why the question is offensive to ask before you get to know someone!

Thank you, yes indeed. I am a white European immigrant with an accent, and I do not like this question either, I feel it’s invasive and often offensive, like I don’t belong (and like all Germans drink beer and yodel). If we have a conversation and in the course of the same you ask a person where his/her heritage is, I feel it’s fine (at least for me), but not from the cashier at the grocery store, for example. Thank you for emphasizing this. No need to get defensive, just stop asking people, unless the context is right. It does not matter that you don’t mean any harm, clearly, it’s not wanted.

Thank you, Rebecca!

I don’t have advice, but I do wonder if she might be somewhere on a journey of processing some of these experiences, and sorting out over time how she wants to respond? when I was little, I wanted to make others laugh and to my horror, I recall one time that I tried to do so was parroting an offensive trope about asian eye shapes. this is really shameful to me now, that I not only internalized but was also willing to promote this racist bs & give others permission to do so in order to feel like I was funny. in middle/high school I wanted to be ~azn~ (if you know, you know) but despite this blooming pride, I wasn’t ready to swallow the discomfort of speaking up against casual/unintended racism to my friends or classmates, who were almost all white. it was puberty awkwardness and I was just thankful to have people to blend in with. honestly, despite having a growing awareness of white supremacy, it is still a process for me. if a stranger were to say something racist to me on the subway my instinct would be to ignore it or walk away because I don’t want to be spat on, stabbed, be hit in the face with a rock-filled sock, etc.

there are risks to be taken when speaking up, and in ways they are much greater when speaking up against people who know and love you, even if you know they aren’t going to physically attack you. still, I agree that that is SUPER offensive shit going on in her family. maybe she’s been raised to prioritize not being “too sensitive,” but I guess until she sets boundaries by informing people that their words are hurtful, she will have to accept that the hurtful words will continue and someday, she may just decide she is tired of it. maybe she already is – truly, I’m curious to know what led her to finally talk to her husband.

you love your friend, and this can be difficult to navigate. hugs.

Hi Mika, for people who grow up with more than one culture or ethnic identity, the question of cultural affiliation is a very personal one. Some identify with neither (think, citizen of the world!), while others may prefer one culture over the other, and even this may fluctuate throughout a person’s lifetime! Having said that, there’s also the issue of internalized oppression which some of us carry around until it’s not sustainable anymore. Your friend may eventually reach this conclusion but may not be ready to at this point as admitting it might be too painful. Ignorance is bliss! Give her some time. I wish you lots of luck and patience!

It sounds like your friend may have been suppressing the Asian side of herself for a while. This may have been shame, confusion, or possibly trying to assimilate because it just made life easier. Maybe she’s been trying to grapple with that side of her identity more recently. I also know that instead of feeling like they are a part of both cultures, many mixed-race people actually feel a part of neither. I think it’s fine if you want to find more friends who are riled up, like-minded, and participating in activism. Good! But please don’t put pressure on your friend. You can still be friends, but she is probably exhausted, confused, and possibly doing more than you know in her own ways. The responsibility to end racism is on the majority, not on the victims and marginalized populations. More pressure should be put on your white friends.

I can relate with your friend and her struggle to “choose” white or Asian or both. I’m half Asian (Chinese/German/Irish), and while I can’t speak for other mixed race folx, my relationship with my identity is certainly complex living at the intersection of different identities and cultures. I often feel “racial imposter syndrome”. There’s a great podcast called Code Switch that has done some episodes on “racial imposter syndrome” that might be helpful for better understanding your friend’s struggle with her (Asian) identity: https://www.npr.org/transcripts/578447949. Hope that helps!

Hi @Mika, Thanks for your comments and sharing your thoughts and experiences. I so resonate with how you remember every single instance of racism from strangers and others. They are interwoven throughout my life and memories, and often painful to recall. I’m sure strangers have zero memory of what they said to me much less how it affected me, and here I am several decades later remembering those encounters and how they brought pain (and continue to bring pain).

Regarding your friend, we are all on our own journey of understanding our identity, discovery our voice, and recognizing how racism has and continues to affect us. It sounds like you are much further along than she is and it is probably not helpful/effective to push her along if she is not willing. Your example can help illuminate and encourage her in her journey, but it is also not your job to do so. If this friendship becomes a painful burden and exhausting hardship for you then perhaps it’s time to give it some space. You can pursue friendships that push you forward and inspire you to speak up with or without investing in this current friendship. Only you can decide how much energy and heart you are willing to give at this time.

Thanks again for sharing. Good luck!

Let her come to you when she’s ready <3

I feel like my concern is not that your friend hasn’t spoken out against racism, but that she has herself endured racism for so long from those closest to her. I don’t have much practical advice to offer, but I think that for people who are biracial, it is really tricky to navigate their racial identities. Might the following help you to understand her position? https://www.apa.org/pubs/videos/4310742-rights.pdf

I would just tell just what you told us, that you think she’s being performative with her words. Her reaction (or lack thereof) will tell you what you need to know about your friendship and if she’s someone you want in your life. And yes, I think it’s very disappointing that it took her THAT long to speak out about her husband’s offensive words. I wouldn’t have stayed with someone who made fun of a part of my identity.

Mika, she is half-Asian, so she will always be fighting racism simply by existing in a racist system. Asking her to identify herself in the way YOU see fit is exactly the problem she is fighting. If she doesn’t identify as Asian-American, that is for her to say, not you. And for you to accuse her of not doing enough to fight racism—when by your own account she is fighting it within her own family—is utterly baffling. Her husband is the one acting racist, not her. In addition, she now has to put up with judgement from you, her friend, for what you see as performative work. Support her, accept her for the way she identifies, and don’t expect a response to your email that pressures her to fix a problem that is the responsibility of white people to fix.

Mika, she is half-Asian, so she will always be fighting racism simply by existing in a racist system that requires her to label herself. Asking her to identify herself in the way YOU see fit is exactly the problem she is constantly fighting. Anything she calls herself will never seem right enough to satisfy some people; yourself want her to be more Asian; some people want her to be more white. If she doesn’t identify as Asian-American, that is for her to say, not you. And for you to accuse her of not doing enough to fight racism—when by your own account she is fighting it within her own family—is utterly baffling. Her husband is the one acting racist, not her, and I can’t imagine how tough it must be to realize the ones you love regularly commit racist acts. In addition, she is now experiencing judgement from you, her friend, for what you see as performative work. Instead, support her by accepting the way she identifies, and don’t expect a response to your email that pressures her to fix a problem that white people created and is the responsibility of white people to fix.

Em, Diana, Ali, E, Benita, Mona, Michelle, and LTT:

Thank you all so kindly for your words of advice. I’ve taken what you’ve all said to heart, and I appreciate you all taking time to share your experiences.

I’ve emailed her my thoughts, and if she feels she’s not in the right space to answer right now, I’ve accepted that that’s where she is, and I will not push her any further.

In regards to what Ali said about “more pressure on your white friends” – I agree, and hope they are putting in the work of being anti-racist, but I’m definitely not taking it upon myself to teach them anything. I was more concerned about my best friend because we share so much of our lives, and what is important to us. If I couldn’t share this part of my life with her, it would be heartbreaking, but I could eventually accept that she just needs more time.

Thank you all again!!

N,

I actually just asked the uncomfortable questions to my friend – it was an open discussion. I didn’t *tell* her to identify as any one race, I simply asked *if* she identifies as Asian American – it was a question I was curious about. When you have a very close and intimate friendship with someone, I think these discussions are important and help us to know more about each other. Furthermore, I didn’t judge her for her answer, or question her. I accepted it.

I want to clarify that in the past she’s laughed off Asian jokes, and has never once brought up that she was upset or hurt that her husband was calling her “ching chong”. It was only AFTER George Floyd and the BLM movement that she started to point out that it bothered her. I know these discussions are hard to have, but if I held these questions back from my own personal circle, how can we progress or advance the discussion? These uncomfortable topics can’t be taboo – especially amongst ourselves, our family, and friends. I think you’re dismissing the fact that I love and support her, but these are legitimate questions I have. If her husband was calling her a whore or slut, and laughing off anti-women sentiments, I would discuss those with her as well.

As a Filipina woman, THANK YOU Lea for seeing us and acknowledging our contributions.

I agree! Once again, context matters. Earnestness, good. Contempt, bad.

Joanna, as the person whose comment you mention as “demonizing the human interest in human connection” I think it could be good for you and others in this comment section to learn about the “Oops/Ouch” method for navigating conversation. It’s one we are increasingly using in social work (my field) and schools for having difficult conversations.

In Oops/Ouch, imagine you step on someone’s toes. Whether it is a purposeful or accidental harm, the other person still yells out “ouch” and you apologize, move forward, and work to not step on their feet again. The same goes for stepping on someone’s figurative toes. What is important is not why you stepped on their toes but that you did, and it hurt them. Maybe you can take some time to reflect on why you are so adamant that it is more valuable information that you didn’t intend to harm rather than the fact that, as multiple commenters and the author of the article have stated, your words and demands for someone’s place of origin have been harmful.

For further reading, the people at this link do a better job of explaining oops/ouch that I: https://www.diversityinclusioncenter.com/archives/ouch_files/Archives/Ouch_Vol5No1.html

Now imagine being asked those questions every. single. day. Not just while on vacation experiencing a new place, but everyday of your life. Exhausting. These are two very different scenarios, and I would discourage you from trying to convince the writer otherwise. Many people (Americans) seem to think that everything about other people is their business but really, the only reasonable answer here is “IT’S NONE OF YOUR F—ing BUSINESS,” whether earnest or not.

I’d just like to point out that there is a big difference between “where are you from,” which is a perfectly fine conversation starter, and “no, where are you REALLY from.” The latter is rude, assumptive that you know better than I do (of my own history no less), and yes, a rejection of the idea that I can also be American.

and yes, having this exact conversation on repeat is, in fact, very tiring.

Do people shout “go home!” at you on the street? Do they mock your facial features and call your food smelly? Do they make fun of your name and language as nonsense-sounding? I’m guessing not. But why then are you discounting the experiences of so many people whose culture and identity is degraded relative to the majority culture? Why do you insist that your experience has to be theirs? It’s not. Recognizing some difference might help you to connect with others more, not less. People also respond to human connection in context. Hugs and kisses are connection, that doesn’t mean I want some random stranger to do that to me and act angry that I don’t appreciate their attempt to humanly connect. I may welcome that question in the context of a friendship but if we are standing at a market and that’s your first question after “here’s your change” it’s quite frankly rude and off-putting.

I have lived overseas in various countries, and am familiar with the curiosity and questions that can come with being a foreigner. I am also married to an Asian man, and have had to field the “wear is he from…no, where is he really from” question.

The two are nothing alike. It is one thing for someone to assume that you are a foreigner when you have an obvious accent, different way of dressing, are a different race in an otherwise homogenous community, etc. It is another thing to tell someone in your *own* country that you are e.g. American, too, (in perfect English) and for them to essentially tell you, “No your not.” For someone in your *own* culture to imply, “But you can’t be culturally American because you’re Asian.” For someone to *not* want to get to know you, but rather just put a category label on you and continue on with their day.

And we don’t do this to e.g. Italian Americans–they can celebrate their Italian food and traditions openly, and no one (today) says, “You’re Italian, so you can’t be American.” I have white, European-American friends who immigrated in middle school—first generation immigrants—and I’ve heard no stories from them about their American identity being challenged.

And then, of course, there are other interactions that provide context, too. Like when our daughter was a newborn, and I’d take her out on my own, and people would comment on how dark her skin was. (They couldn’t identify her as half-Asian, and again, they wanted to know what label to put on her and our family.) I’m lucky that didn’t happen often, but it shouldn’t have happened at all.

We can tell the difference between someone who genuinely wants to connect and one who’s trying to other us or our families. To condemn the latter is not “demonizing human interest”; it’s standing up for ourselves and our loved ones. To conflate the two suggests a significant gap in understanding. To tell the person living it what not to do….not even going to go there.

I’m white and my best friend is Asian-American. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard strangers ask her where she’s from. And usually, once she tells them she’s from Tennessee, “No, where are you REALLY from?”

Whether they’re aware of it or not, their intent is always different when asking her that question than if they had asked me. It shouldn’t be up to Asian-Americans to educate white people on this.

And on a side note, she doesn’t use dating apps because she gets BOMBARDED by creeps with Asian fetishes.

Joanna, your comments make it crystal-clear that you do not face this issue on a personal level – if you did, you wouldn’t have made this comment. Why are you so invested in tossing aside the lived experiences of others? Can you not just listen to what people who actually experience this have to say about it? Trust me, we are so deeply tired of having our identities questioned and debated; furthermore, we are exhausted by people who want to keep poking and prodding and asking “why can’t I do this? why why why?”.

I think that most people of color hate getting asked that question because it seems like the answer we have, is never the answer that people wanted to know. I think if you really want to know where someone is “from”, just ask if they are from around here. So for example if you’re in NYC, just ask, “are you originally from new york”? Then you can just continue the conversation from there.

Rosie,

Most people of color hate this question. It seems that it is not good enough to be American, but have to be ‘Japanese’, ‘Chinese’ or something else. Even if the family could have been living in the country for many generations. Honestly it can be a bit insulting.

You may love it when people “other” you, but as a person of color, it just sucks. I’m glad you asked the question if it’s “wrong” to ask someone where there family is from, but the fact that you asked it AFTER reading this person’s essay says a lot. Why is it that our points of view and perspectives are dismissed? The author shared her story. Why not sit with it and think about it yourself? I’m going to make an educated guess and say that most of the readers here are white. You’re posing your question to mostly white folks. Maybe a BIPOC person will chime in and validate you, which is fine, but it gets so old having to explain things to people who are looking more to assuage the notion that they might be perceived as not being culturally competent, rather than learning through reflection and self examination.

I am really puzzled by how multiple people expressing hurt or disbelief upon hearing that some folks don’t like being asked where they are from, because what I hear is that your good intentions matter more than the hurt others are expressing. “most of us asking aren’t complete strangers” – how do you know if that is my experience? many times when I have been asked this, it isn’t by someone hoping to get to know me, find an avenue of connection, or make a new friend, and it frustrates me that you assume this to be the case. it is often by a random person that I don’t have a relationship with, and I am being asked to satisfy their curiosity or help them feel adept at correctly guessing what my heritage is. also, if someone asks and I answer that I was born in texas, why is it that often they keep pushing for the answer that they want (“no, but where are you really from”)? if you care, take the hint that maybe I don’t feel like sharing this with you. if you build a relationship with me, my heritage will come up when I want to share that. please also understand that your experience of being canadian in america is different from my experience of being an asian-american in america. at a glance, nobody is labeling you as “other” and you can choose when you want to disclose that you are from canada. for me, however, one look outs me as someone to whom it is acceptable to shout: go back to china (wrong country), konnichiwa (again, wrong), ching chong ding dong (???).

as others have noted, this question often doesn’t have the warm glow of kind curiosity for many of us and instead can have hurtful associations with many prior experiences of being made to feel like an outsider. furthermore, generally speaking, if someone – and among these comments, multiple people – tells you something is hurtful- if you care, wouldn’t you just…stop it?

Hi Rosie – I am a fourth-generation Asian-American and I have hated being asked this question since I was a little girl. I wonder if you don’t mind being asked where you are from because there is less risk for you (being white) in your response — most POC have, in some way or another felt otherness or even oppression simply for being a POC. Either way, Elysabeth bravely shared her story and her feelings/viewpoint need to be heard and respected as they are.

Em –
Oh my goodness, thank you for your response. I couldn’t agree with you more. I will never understand why my answer isn’t enough. I’d love to one day ask – “You don’t believe me? You think I am lying when I say I am from California? Or when I say I was born in the US? Why must I “satisfy your curiosity”? What business is it of yours anyway? Especially when I don’t know you or when I just don’t want to say any more than I already have?” I am from the US. That should be enough for you.

I mentioned this to another commenter, but it could be good for you to look into the “Oops/Ouch” method for having difficult conversations.

The point is not if you are offended or you meant harm, the importance is that harm has been done.

Oh, @Em. You nailed it, my dear. Holy hell, try to tell someone that it’s none of their business and they get their panties all twisted up.

Hi, Rosie. I’m a AAPI. Since you asked directly, I’ll respond directly. Don’t ask “where are you from” or any version of this. If someone wants you to know, they’ll tell you. Your curiosity about getting to know them doesn’t matter. How a person feels about disclosing details of their life story matters. POC are asked this question all the time. Often, we are pressed to respond by strangers, coworkers, and acquaintances. YOU personally might not ask strangers and enjoy being asked, but (from what you’ve disclosed) you’re not a POC. For us, the effect is cumulative and we’re tired of being asked. I hope you hear us and think about it.

I’m married to a Canadian of Asian decent, and we live in the US. If people ask, “Where is your husband from?” I’ll say, “He’s Canadian.” Or he/we might say, “He went to school in Toronto, but he grew up in Calgary.”

I’m guessing that if you answered someone that way, they’d ask you about Toronto or mention Canadians’ reputation for niceness. But he/we get the, “And where are his parents from?”-type questions.

The white Canadians I know in the US tend to be embraced by Americans as if they’re “part of the fold”, culturally (even if the Canadians themselves don’t want to be lumped together). That assumption of being “the same” doesn’t extend in the same way to my Canadian husband.

So while you might enjoy being asked, it seems pretty clear why others would not. There are lots of different ways to start getting to know a stranger beyond, “Where is your family from?” or “What do you do for work?” or “Are you married?/Do you have kids?” Start with those other conversations first, and if a relationship builds, all these other “important” details will be volunteered.

Also, identity is personal, but does my husband complain that people are “erasing” his identity by referring to him as simply “Canadian?” No more, I’m sure, than you do when someone fails to describe you as “Irish-Canadian” or “Polish-Canadian” or whatever your ancestry happens to be. Why presume it is different for him?

People also make erroneous assumptions when they hear an ethnic label. What country my husband’s family is from, what language they speak, etc. So sharing his “identity” isn’t as helpful as you might assume. Strangers really get the most accurate starting point by simply knowing he’s Canadian.

I think that these discussions are really important so non PoC can understand our experiences. It’s personally not a pain point for me being asked about my ethnic origins. I am Chinese American. But I know it is for many ppl I know. I do believe many ppl have good intentions when inquiring “where are you/is your family from”. I’ve asked ppl that question before to bc I was genuinely wanting to know more about their cultural identity but it can be a micro aggression to be assumed you are not “from” America [or whichever country it is may be where while ppl are the majority.] I think every person of color will likely have different degrees to which they are comfortable being asked that question. Some may be okay with it. Many will not be. Many hate being asked but may respond politely with the “answer” they know you are looking for. I think the point is, please don’t assume you are entitled to know someone family background. And for God’s sake, don’t keep on digging and pressing if it’s clear they aren’t giving you “the answer” you want. As a white person, you may welcome this question or line of inquiry more than a non-white person would. Also, regardless of whether someone has an accent or not an accent, I do think this line of questioning is inappropriate especially if you are strangers or just met someone, because the assumption is that you are foreign/other. Your curiosity and good intentions don’t supercede how this line of inquiry makes a PoC feel whether they have generations of family who were born and raised in America (country where the majority are white) or more recently immigrated. Not everyone is willing to get into their family history bc it may not be a simple one word response, especially if someone is bi/multiracial or adopted. For anyone that wonders, why can’t you just answer, stop being a snowflake! Well, I can just as easily flip that around and ask why are you offended that someone won’t answer questions about their ethnic or cultural or racial background? If PoC are saying they don’t often like this question and consider it a micro aggression, why is that not enough? That white ppl (or anyone) feels entitled to demand these answers from PoC shows your privilege. That being said we all make mistakes. We don’t always know how to phrase things and that’s ok. If someone is clearly not responding “in the way you would like” that tells you maybe to stop asking, accept their answers, apologize for stepping on their toes, make a mental note to yourself, and try to do better moving forward. Asking or wanting to know more about someone’s culture isn’t a crime and doesn’t make you a racist asshole in and of itself and that’s not what we are saying. We are sharing our experiences to speak up and tell you look, what you may think is a totally benign question, may not be so benign after all..

Rosie- this might be an odd analogy, but maybe it could get you to understand where the AAPI community is coming from. If you saw a woman who had a bump on your stomach, but you weren’t quite sure whether or not she was actually pregnant, would you ask, “how far along are you?” without being 99.9%-100% SURE that she was pregnant? It’s pretty established in society that it’s a rude question because, what if she WASN”t pregnant? What if she had a miscarriage or she gained weight? It’s a question you might ask if she was your friend, and had an actual relationship, right? Imagine if you had gained weight and some stranger asked you that, several times a month? Wouldn’t you get tired of it? Is it any of their business? Even if their intention is to congratulate you if you WERE expecting, the question is just not appropriate to ask. Does that make sense to you at all?

Hi Rosie, I’m Asian-American and I don’t mind being asked where I’m from or what my background is, because most of the time, I know what they mean. I think for the most part, at least this is how I choose to see it, it comes from a genuine curiosity.

Now that I live in Australia, I find that I identify as American first, because it’s pretty obvious I’m Asian. I’ve had rude encounters with people assuming I’m a Chinese tourist who doesn’t speak much english (there’s nothing wrong with being a Chinese tourist but some people have an attitude about them) and that’s when I’m like “Actually, I’m American” in my crisp American accent and they’re like “oh.” But what can you do, there are dumb people everywhere.

And I’ve discovered, especially now that I’m in a new melting pot place, I also like to ask people where they’re from and do so ALL THE TIME. Even other Asian people. So yeah, it just depends on the person and the context. When I lived in New York, I also asked where people were from but it was more like “what state” because people came from all over and that’s what made it interesting.

I wouldn’t stop asking. But I’d read the room too.

THANK YOU, Emily, for your insightful comment. That very question is a form of “othering”. THANK YOU!

This 1000%

I don’t think we’re saying anyone owes us their story. I think it is a big part of people’s life experiences and identity and learning about that is a big part of getting to know someone. I want to be asked and I’m white! I don’t disagree that it is incredibly inappropriate for a stranger to try to force someone to talk about it, but most of us aren’t asking complete strangers.

Thank you Emily! I feel like we should allow our non white friends the opportunity to drive the narrative here, and tell their stories when and how they are comfortable. White people, like myself, have been the story tellers for far too long.

Yup! Why can people not hear the many, loud, and persistent voices that say they do not appreciate that line of questioning?

This is exactly the point. When I am getting to know someone I’ve just met, “where are you from,” or “where did you grow up,” it is meant as such. If you ask me these questions, I will tell you, I grew up in California, in the Bay Area. That’s it. But I am well aware that most of the time, what people are often asking is “what is your ethnic or racial background.” White people are not asked where they are from with that kind of intention, nor does the asker expect someone to offer that they are of German or Irish descent, or anything like that. Stuff like that generally comes up in deep conversation as people get to know each other, as a relationship or friendship goes beyond simple, casual conversation. So if you want to know where I’m from, I welcome the question, because I am far from home and my family these days. But if you want to know my ETHNICITY, then just ask that question. Beating around the bush is simply offensive.

Yasssss!!! Totally AGREE

@Rosie

“I want to be asked and I’m white!”

Have you stopped to consider that as a white woman, the conversations you’re having after being asked that question might be very different from those who are not white?

I’m white, and conversations I get about where I’m from and my ethnic roots are very different from what my (Asian) husband gets.

YES. As a white woman, I think this is the best comment in this whole thread.

We each have the right set our own boundaries about what we want to share in any given moment.

Emily – thank you SO much for this comment. As a white woman, it really has led me to reflect on how I have asked that question in the past to satisfy my own curiosity, which I’m now ashamed of. I will do better.