Help! I’m Taking My First Trip Away From My Baby!

I’m going to a business trip two from now and I’ve been anxious about leaving my 2 year old daughter with her dad. I’m still breastfeeding her and I was never away from her since I gave birth. I’m a first time mom and I’ve been working from home since 2020. Thanks to the stories of the mommies out that gives me a little help ease my anxiousness.

I have a really hard time leaving them too it’s normal to feel that way and kind of inevitable! I went on my first trip away from all 3 kids recently and felt like I was having a panic attack before I left. But it is good (for you and the kids) to take breaks once in awhile! I was the first one of my friend group to have kids and I have to say I felt really lonely sometimes with them even when we were having fun. I just felt like they didn’t understand what I was going through. I think that is normal too! Very normal, valid feelings you’re having that are part of the motherhood journey.

Right before I returned to work after having my first child, we did an afternoon trial run with our new babysitter. I was freaking out about whether or not I could trust her, despite how lovely she had been during our previous meet-ups.

I called my best friend, a mother of two, and told her my worries. Her advice is still something I hold close, and something that I hope helps you:

“Your maternal instincts/fears/worries are strong. But they won’t always match the situation.”

Our maternal instincts are primitive and biological. They don’t always evolve with the dangers of our time. Sometimes recognizing that and acknowledging that we’re making safe (and probably beneficial) choices for our children can help us understand and tame our fears – even just a little bit!

My kids are 5 and 3.5, and I am always fine upon departure, because the excitement and novelty carries me through. On the last day of the trip, however, I usually have some sort of an anxiety attack about being away from them and not being home THAT INSTANT. I know that for me, it is entirely wrapped up in working mom guilt, in that, I work outside the home, so I am not actually with my kids constantly. Needing or wanting a break feels extra selfish when I already don’t spend enough time with them. Intellectually, I know me spending a weekend away a few times per year, with or without my husband, will have very little effect on them, and that my experiences still matter. But, it doesn’t make it any easier. I have a spontaneous weekend trip with a friend coming up that I am so excited for, and to make sure I don’t suffer on my last day (which I am spending solo) I asked my doctor for anti-anxiety med. Hopefully I don’t need it, but it is comforting me knowing I have it. I wish I had better advice, but all I know for certain is that I will never look back on my life and wish I traveled less. Have fun!

Pre-pandemic, I used to have to travel for work once every few months or so. When my daughter was almost 2 I decided she could comprehend what was happening so I proceeded to explain to her that I was going to fly on an airplane to a place called Norway. She was still in her referring to herself in the third person stage, and also used the word “mine” for “my…” her angry response to my news was “NO! Alma airplane! Alma Norway! MINE NORWAY!!!” It was so hard not to laugh at her little angry reaction!

When my daughter was almost three I went to Paris for two weeks with a friend. It coincided with the end of breastfeeding her. As a 42 year old first time mother I just thought she would want to stop feeding at some point, maybe a year? But there we were with her at nearly three and still breastfeeding. I was not bothered by this at all but it was amusing that this tall dark haired girl who could have a conversation still wanted to feed. I really wanted to go to Paris so I did. My milk disappeared as I thought it might. A couple of days after I returned home my girl asked if she could have a drink from mummy, I said no because my milk disappeared while I was in Paris. Her reply….’Has Kerry got it?’. Kerry was the friend I travelled with. I never imagined that would be the sort of conversation I would ever be having in my life. With a then three year old.

Janelle! From my experience this is SO NORMAL and a testament to your mothering. You are so attuned to Ella, so aware of how her daily routine soothes her, you can’t imagine not doing the daily dance with her! I felt the exact same way last summer when I left my then 2yo daughter for the first time for my best friend’s wedding. I knew I couldn’t not go to my BFFs wedding but with Covid and travel, it wasn’t in the cards to bring my daughter with me. So I bought the flight and then…got on it! Haha. I called a fellow mom friend on my drive to the airport and she told me what I will tell you: everyone and everything will be okay! I was surprised how easy it actually was to be gone. Of course I missed her and it felt odd at times but NO ROUTINE! Naps! Friends! Fun! You won’t regret going. And the reunion will be so sweet. Enjoy my friend!

I love all the encouraging comments. But it is kind of hilarious that no one has answered your original question – WHY are your instincts on high alert?

My guess is that a huge part of your identity is wrapped up in caring for this tiny human. Her whole survival and wellbeing has depended largely on you up until this point. And in parting from her, you think she will suffer in some way because no one can care for her quite like you can, in your mind. So it makes sense that it would be hard to part for the first time. Curious what other moms think?

My friend had major mom anxiety. When she got really wound up she’d repeat in her head “your anxiety is lying to you.” It’s always a struggle to turn that nagging voice off but the mantra really helped her, and me too. Hope you have the best trip! XOXOXO

I was totally ok leaving my son on my first work trip away. However, I really struggled since he wasn’t weaned – I had to keep running from meetings to pump and felt terrible throwing all that milk away. However it was great getting away, having all that time in the airport and plane to read, people watch, drink a cup of tea in peace and not feel guilty. The best part though was I had a chance to catch up with an old friend, she lived in such a pretty house with a view of the mountains. I was glad to return after 2 days, refreshed and ready to hang out with my boys (who were waiting for me).

I travel internationally for work a lot and have been through this with two kids now. A lot of observations but mainly:

Despite having left them more times than I can count, as others have said the moments leading up to departure are heinous because you’re putting on a brave face and modeling all the caring-but-strong-female vibes, then in the taxi to the airport you finally have the privacy to let your lip tremble and scowl with worry, then you may have that sinking guilty/longing feeling until you arrive but I will tell you, waking up by yourself, whether on a red eye flight or in a hotel.. that is the most surreal and restorative feeling and I find I feel so much better after that sleep. This usually lasts for 4-5 days and then I start to dream of going home. But I also get to have adult conversations, stay up late, bathe regularly, and watch TV! The only time I really fell apart was traveling while pregnant with my second when I think I cried every day of a 10-day trip, but I also got to scale one of the world’s largest sand dunes and eat a lot of amazing food at a leisurely pace and with two hands!

There is a passage in Little Fires Everywhere about how part of the progression of children aging is that they touch you less and less, and this is definitely one of those moments. Much like your body feels lonely in those days postpartum when you no longer have a permanent uterine passenger, I remember traveling after my second daughter (who had joined me on many transcontinental flights) how strange it felt to have an empty lap on the plane and a bubble of space to myself.

Finally, especially with an infant/toddler, I find re-entry can be strange. You’re expecting this joyful cathartic and the kid can be spooked by your sudden re-appearance. Anticipating the weirdness and knowing it will revert to normal soon enough will keep you from feeling like you’ve broken your relationship — you haven’t.

My two girls still get sad when I travel, but they also get movie nights with dad, french toast for dinner, and who knows what else! They will survive and so will you. Good luck! xx

I am just back from my first trip away from my 7 month old. He was with his dad and grandparents for a week. I enjoyed a week-long diving cruise at the Maldives (which my partner had promised I would get as compensation for a hard pregnancy). All parties involved had a blast. Highly recommended!! Just relax and enjoy 😊

There were a couple of times within our son’s first year of life that my husband had trips planned. Some were 5+ days! I think seeing him leave and not feel guilty gave me the power to do it myself. I planned a two-night stay in a neighboring city when my son was 6 months old. I went with a girlfriend who also had a child, so it did help that we could lament together about being mothers. However! I think there is a big bonus going on a trip with girlfriends who don’t have kids. I try to stay surrounded with those people so I stay grounded in who I was before I became a mom. Of course being a mom is an integral part of my identity now, but I don’t want it to swallow me whole. Hope that helps — you’ll do great!

I was contemplating leaving my young daughter for a girls weekend to visit a friend having marriage issues when my Mother-In-Law said “If your grown daughter was on the fence about getting away to support a friend what would you hope she do?” And I said “I”d hope she would go…. so I should apply that kindness to myself.” and she said “I was going to say – she’ll learn better by seeing you do it than you telling her but its the same result.” I think about that all the time.

Oh, this space! Always makes my heart so happy to read the comments. As the mom of a 22 year old (gah!!), who travelled a lot for work when my daughter was young, it makes me so happy to hear now when she and her Dad reminisce about the times I was gone (“Remember how you let me go to school in my pyjamas?” “Remember when we ate dinner IN THE LVING ROOM!” etc.) – stepping away allows for new experiences for Ella and her Dad, and will only make her memories richer and sweeter. And also, it is OK to be a mess. Mommy hormones last forever.

I find that the moments leading up to it are the hardest and once they’re free and clear and out of sight, the celebration and freedom reveling begins! We’ve left our kids a few times over night here and there but we’re doing our first week long stay without them and I’m already getting weird about it. I always feel like I’d love a little break and then when it’s upon me it’s like GAH! The tough love I give myself is that I never want to stand in the way of my children receiving love. I have such great memories of my grandparents staying with us and my husband says he loves the 1:1 time with them when I’m gone. Why would I stand in the way of that?! It’s GOOD for everyone to miss each other sometimes!

I do have a piece of advice though – I think it’s better to not Facetime if you can help it. I find my kids melt down after I do it and I miss them more too. A phone call to check in is fine and if the caregiver says they’re in the right mood, then you can hear their voice but Facetime makes it harder for everyone in my life! I do ask for lots of pictures though :)

The anxiety of LEAVING will be the worst part! Once you’re with your friends you’ll miss your baby but you’ll also have the TIME OF YOUR LIFE. Trust me. Enjoy it, Mama. You both deserve it!

I too was the first of my friends to have kids, and took my first trip solo about the time my daughter was 18 months old. It was a strange trip (NYC with a friend) but a much-needed refresh, and I had a great time. wish I would have put my anxiety away enough to pack my suitcase – I did a laughingly bad job of packing. I also felt intermittently like I was forgetting to do something or looking for something – a feeling that would follow me on trips without my kids (until they were in middle school or so). It’s so strange to try and turn off that part of yourself, because you can’t, really, but so important to get away sometimes, in any way you can make work (even if it’s just an afternoon at the library or park). It’s good for your kids, too. Have a wonderful time!

The time leading up to leaving your child(ren) is absolutely the hardest part! It only takes about 20-30 minutes after I’ve left to recover and then I feel like a new woman! Just know that right now, before you’ve actually done it, is the most difficult time because it’s all unknown and your imagination and worries can run wild. It will start to feel easier very, very quickly once it is finally a reality!

My baby is not much younger than yours and I still haven’t spent a night apart from him (although I plan to treat myself to a night in a nice hotel for my birthday in a couple months). I honestly thought I would have spent more time away from him at this point, maybe a weekend or something, but with COVID and the world more fully ‘re-opening’ just as I went back to work, that wasn’t how things played out.

I kind of wonder, for those of us who became first-time moms during the pandemic, if that has exacerbated those already tricky feelings of being away from baby?

But as you said, Ella is going to have a great time with her dad and you’re going to have a great time with friends. And there’s always facetime and videos if need be. :)

I believe it was the great Daniel Tiger who once said “you can feel more than one thing”.

So celebrate and miss your kid. Your reaction is totally normal and common.

My daughter was 3.5 months old. She was born 15th July and I went away to London for my birthday in November (maybe she was closer to 4 months). It wasnt as enjoyable as it could have been, I think I was just a bit too anxious and more tired than I realised! I wanted to go out partying with my friends but my body wanted me to sleep. However I am really pleased I did it as it made me remember what I was like prior to being Mummy. I would say it was perhaps easier for me as my Husband spent a lot of time at home (he works offshore so although he was away for 2/3 weeks at a time, when he was home, he was properly home so knew her routine rather than just seeing her for a couple of hours in the morning and just before bedtime) and when he was at home we had already carved out days where I would go and do my own thing for a while and so would he. Every Mum is different and although I am sure you will have a fab time, the first time leaving them is very hard!! Have fun xx

Janelle – I hear you! My daughter is 8 and it’s still hard leaving her. I do it and generally it feels liberating, but my anxiety is always higher in the lead up to leaving and I imagine all the things that could happen. I always imagined I would be the kind of parent who could leave easily and would do it often, but it hasn’t worked out that way. Be gentle with yourself and have fun with your friends!

My work trip overnight away from my June 2019 baby was in February 2020. Nicest hotel I’ve ever stayed at and I didn’t even walk on the beach because I was in a rush to get home. I thought I’d be traveling more for work—little did I know we were about to get so much time together. Try to enjoy it! Later, when my husband and I were able to go away and leave her with grandparents, doing meditation and yoga helped me be present. Good luck!

I also have an 18 month old called Ella! We spent our first night away from her just recently while she stayed with her grandma. I was a little sad about the idea of her waking and fretting that we weren’t there (also worried about her keeping grandma up all night!). But mostly tried not to think about it and enjoy the night away. Turned out she barely missed us!
It was also a nice feeling on the trip back to look forward to getting home to see her.

You’ll do great! I’ve only taken a few trips away from my little one, who is a barnacle kiddo. The first night I’m always thrilled the second night I do get quite emotional. Kiddo loves when I draw little hearts on her hands that she can kiss for a little mama love boost. I also got her a stuffed animal especially to cuddle while I’m away.