What Are Your Turn Ons?

The man can grow a beard and I love that it’s flecked with silver
He looks dashing in a suit
He can’t sing one luck but he sings to our son

Hot things about my husband of 22 years:
-Gets rockstar parking on the regular
-his love language is acts of service and I’m the no.1 beneficiary
-He knows how to talk to anyone in the right way: shooting the s with the electrician? Check. Talking computer code for work? Check. Talking to my mommy friends about sensitive kid stuff? Check. Striking the right tone is attractive to me.
-The way he smells after a shower
-His browned skin after a couple days in the sun
-when he sips a beer and raises his big dark eyebrows at me
-How he’ll call an old friend out of the blue since we’re in that guys neighborhood. No friendship of his is too old to re-up.
-When he occasionally buys us candy at the
store. (Me: you can’t just buy candy! Him: well somebody has to)
-He’s great with a chainsaw. Up in a tree, asking me which limbs to cut. Talk about hot forearms.
That’s prolly good for now. I wish he’d get tattoos. That’s my number one hot add-on. If he does end up doing it, it would be because I asked him to, and that would be hot too.
Oh one more thing- he’s a lacrosse player.

I knew my partner was hot when I saw him across a noisy room of people, crouched over a book so intensely that he might as well have been alone in a forest. He reads really hard. The long, split calf muscles from cycling. The sweet and cinnamon-y smell of his sweat. The way he pauses to look and check back when he sees someone on the street who might need help. His long sexy hands! And the way he can pull off too-short swim trunks. Oh and that time on a NYC street at night when he saw a guy steal an elderly woman’s wallet, and, slurpee still in hand, dashed off behind him, picked him up by his shirt front, looked him right in the eye and said “that’s not yours.” The guy gave him the wallet and ran, and little kids on the street corner yelled “you’re a hero!” as he returned the wallet to the woman. Slurpee still in hand. Swoooooooooon.

Brains and hands and kindness. As in my husband sewing up the tear in our son’s gym pants over breakfast while discussing quantum physics with the kids. He also knits and knows the names of medicinal plants. And irons. And is a VP in a large software company who asks his employees when their kids’ school breaks are so they can also get the time off. We’ve been together over 25 years and he still makes me weak in the knees.

This is so fun to read! I recently identified that I am demisexual, which means that I do not experience sexual attraction to someone until we’ve formed a deep emotional connection. And even then, sometimes – no dice! I’m wondering if anyone else out there can relate?
I do still experience visual attraction (forearms & rolled shirt cuffs, floppy hair a’la the Bridgerton men Season 1, tattoos, a nice smile) and emotional attraction (kindness, humor, passion, intelligence), but those things never make me want to *have sex* with the person.
It’s so interesting how we relate these attractions with the language “turn-ons”, which is a language of sex, but the attractions themselves are not usually sexual at all. It’s a semantics tangle I’d like to poke at some more! =)

My husband Jon was a TA at the school I was a teacher at (he worked in the class next door).
I taught 4-5 year olds, and one day, halfway through a lovely singing session, one of my little boys stood up in bemusement as wee spurted out of his trousers. My music lesson descended into chaos as wee spurted everywhere, and the noise level shot through the roof.
At that point, Jon stuck his head round the door with a “are you okay?” face. I gestured silently at the wee everywhere and he disappeared.
“Bloody MAN!” I thought.
As I was shepherding kids away from the puddle, Jon re-appeared wearing an apron, plastic gloves, and brandishing a bottle of cleaning spray and a cloth. He got down on his hands and knees and just silently sorted it. And that’s when I knew.

And the time I knew I definitely KNEW was when I returned to school after the sudden death of my dad. As I pulled up outside, Jon was waiting for me on the front step with a cup of coffee for me in his hands. And the first thing he said, “I hate coffee. I made this one for you.”

We were married 14 months later.

Read this post and went up in flames! What a man, Janelle! And thank you for sharing!
My marriage of 23 years ended a few months ago. Right now I’m coming to terms with this new person that i am – someone who is so so happy being on her own. But i sooooooooooo loved reading about everyone’s loves. The old me would have been sad, envious and filled with longing. Instead I’m filled with joy and thankfulness that people have found someone to love and adore! Thank you helping me find another piece of the new, contented me.

So I ended up in hospital with COVID this week. As I was sobbing on the phone to my partner that “I just want to come home to you & our boys” he told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted me to come home too, but he wanted me to come home forever & for that to happen I needed to get well first & if that meant a few more nights away, then so be it. Language was more choice (!) but the sentiment is why he is my person, the calming force paving a steady journey

Hairy men are my thing. My husband is growing out his hair to be Bruno for Halloween and I can already feel the summer heating up.

The first time I knew I was into my now husband was our third date when he showed up to our hike date totally prepared with a paper map and water for 2 people. I swear that he reads my mind and often responds to what I need as I’m thinking it but have not yet expressed it. He is an amazing cook, and cleans as he goes (swoon)! He curates amazing music for me that he knows I’ll love (dreamy, folky stuff). He has the best hands and sounds so sexy on the phone. He calls me beautiful everyday, is super smart with a great vocabulary, and is a talented artist. He gets shit done (no projects left incomplete which is not the case for myself. He drives a 1998 Toyota 4 Runner which was actually listed on my dating website profile of cars I think are sexy for men to drive when we connected online! I’m so incredibly glad I married him!

I came back to this thread to read a bunch of these again, because it’s so fun, and I wanted to share an experience I have on the regular, and I think it fits here: One of my absolute favorite things is to sit at my kitchen counter at night and listen to my husband and our partner (we’re poly) swoon over all the sexy people they saw that day. They are men who love women, but occasionally there’s a dude in there. Of course they are normal, well mannered human beings who don’t do creepy nonsense in public, it’s just an outpouring of “can you believe _____?!” much later, at home. Listening to it is life-affirming, because there is no form of woman they don’t love. “Did you see the mom at the rock gym with the soft belly and the biceps and the armpit hair and raven tattoo oh my god” and “how about the barista with twists and glasses, holy sh*t” and “the one in the fitted blazer with size 14 jeans, wheewww”
So whatever you’ve got going on, whether you are confident about it, or it’s not your favorite thing about yourself, know that someone (probably more people than you think) is Absolutely Into It, 100%

Grooming. Guys, for the love of Pete and the rest of us: go check on your ear hair and toenails.

He has the best profile, and hair that’s almost black streaked with silver. I watched him rescue someone off the top of a mountain, then many years later watched him care for our son during a grand mal seizure that came out of nowhere (epilepsy diagnosis came a few days later). I was petrified during both of these moments, but my husband was supernaturally calm and kind. His legs are about a million miles long and fit from a million miles of biking and running. Our kids are OBSESSED with him. His chest in a well tailored shirt. So many things.

My partner and I have been dating for a year, but we met almost 7 years ago. At the time we were both in our early 20s and while we were both incredibly physically attracted to each other it wasn’t the right time for either of us. My attraction for him hasn’t changed but after reconnecting in our 30s I find myself enamored with the ways he’s matured into a conscientious, loving, and capable adult. Little things like saying, “I’m already on my way with a bigger bag!” when I tell him I’ve overpacked for vacation, make him irresistible.
I hope that one day I’m back in this comment thread saying, “COJ reader, guess what? I married him!”

In men:
-waffle knit henley shirts?! They are dudely witchcraft. Especially with a pair of ski bibs hanging off at the waist and a flushed face (from the cold and the skiing) while laughing with a beer at the lodge
-doing anything expertly and confidently with their hands: driving a manual transmission, using tools, swinging a child around, playing an instrument, playing uh, me, like an instrument…
-expressing a full range of emotion and gender identity without fear from toxic masculinity. Hugging their male friends, openly swooning over Ryan Renolds, etc.
-Dark curly hair, glasses (my first dude celebrity crush was Gideon Yago, obvs)

In women:
-when you hug them and they smell really good in like a spicy herbal way that you can’t really place it, then find out it’s lavender or sandalwood except it’s not that, it’s those things plus the magic chemistry of them
-slinky bouncy dark hair
-high waisted shorts over thighs that could crush you dead
-pushing their glasses up onto their head like a headband and leaning back from whatever they’re reading to rub their eyes
-a just-snarky-enough joke that gives you a little iceberg tip reveal that they know a vast amount about something very specific

In all genders:
-putting long hair up in a bun in a swift, twisty motion
-speaking another language really fast on the phone

OK..
*A man who is good with children.
* A man who does things around the house like change lightbulbs, hammer a nail into the wall… basically anything that involves a ladder.
* A man who is interested in the world around him (who loves to travel and see the world).
* A man who is not anxious to show his vulnerable side.
* Ted Lasso.
* Jason Sudeikis.
* Did I mention Ted Lasso?

Wait, that’s your man? I thought it was a stock photo, and gave him a wolf whistle. Good work, girl, get it!! :)

My husband is such a babe and I love reading these comments!! Once we were meeting new neighbors at a neighborhood party and I overhead the lesbian couple next to us chatting.

Woman 1: “look at how cute that little boy is, he’s so handsome!” (referencing our son)
Woman 2 (her wife): Well no shit, look at his dad!

HAHA and they’re right!

What’s hot is being in love for a long time and the little sparks that form unannounced.

Like when he said I’m being a shrew and pushed too far. (I was and I did). Gulp. Touche.

When he stands up to my mother on my behalf.

When he plays with Barbies in the sand with his daughter.

Every birthday he’s not afraid to throw down on a magical birthday gift/experience I’d never in a million years do/get for myself.

When he randomly confesses that if he lost me, he’d never marry again.

Sixteen years later we’ll still having great sex, just the thought is a turn on.

My husband and I have been married almost 42 years. The warm and tender feeling when we hold hands has never changed. I am a lucky gal!

Just writing in to say that this is the most fun post! [bookmarking/manifesting commencing IMMEDIATELY].

I like nerdy smart people. Everything else is negotiable.

The first time I noticed my husband was hot he was giving a book report on Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time and he was dressed exactly like Mike Wheeler from Stranger Things. Minus 1 for the clothes, +1000 for the book and his enthusiasm. I didn’t notice his super clear blue eyes or his insane abs until a long time later.

I met my husband when we were teenagers, and we’ve grown up together. With three young kids it can be easy to let the business of life put out the flame instead of fan it, so this was a great reminder to list the hot:

-He has intense eyes, especially during intense moments (if you know what I mean) — those eyes with fire behind them are always the best. (Plus they’re a really pretty shade of green)
-Forehead kisses
-Nice hands
-The night we met as teenagers he played with my hair, and I still get weak when he does it
-He’s a super hard worker, whether it’s his job or fixing something
-Cute butt
-I whole heartedly trust him in every sense of the word: with my heart, with our daughters (try letting just anyone swing your babies around in the crashing waves of an ocean – but I know he has them)
-The way he genuinely cares about my dreams, believes that I can do anything, encourages me, and does everything he can to help me make them come true
-The way we laugh together. Laughter is always such a turn on.
-The way he cares for people (me, yes, but also others — example: the other day we were at a family get-together and my 60-something year old aunt cut her finger with a knife. Without missing a beat my husband grabbed the bandaids, stopped the bleeding, put antibiotic ointment on, and bandaged her up)

Sigh. I love mens’ arms and hands, and when they kiss you on your neck from behind.

My husband and I ran in the same circle of friends for years before he asked me out. I wasn’t attracted to him that way, but I gave it a shot and thank god I did. Chemistry comes from the most unexpected places. What attracts me to him:
-broad shoulders. He looks so good in his motorcycle jacket.
-he’s ridiculously, out of this world smart. I knew I liked him during a long late night phone call after our 1st date, he used a 25 cent word that impressed me.
-I can take him anywhere and not worry if he’s having fun. He’s outgoing and hilarious, and is so often the life of the party. When we hang out with my extended family they swarm around him.
-when we sit together on the couch he has to touch my skin. He can’t just put his hand on my leg or around me, he has to touch my back from under my shirt or roll up my pant leg and hold my calf. It makes me feel so loved.
-I don’t speak to my father and my 8 years younger brother really missed out on having that father figure. My husband lost his dad when he was 7 and is an only child. I think part of the reason we were meant to be together was to also help them find their friendship. They go to heavy metal concerts and breweries together without me, it’s the cutest thing. They once got drunk at Christmas and cried about how much they love each other. Like, kill me with that cuteness.

My husband and I are in a rough patch, but this post reminds me to appreciate him in another way. I love that he’s a reader, introspective, and a good conversationalist. He’s hot when I overhear him speaking to his colleagues with confidence but with empathy to support others. It’s hot when he’s focused on a task and gets things done, the way he engages a group, and when he makes me laugh. Oh! And when he gets a clean fade and puts on a plain, clean shirt.