How Do You Make a Menu That Accommodates Everyone?

This feels like our life! My wife has celiac and is allergic to melons, avocados, banana, and apple. She can only eat very limited quantities of eggs and due to having had her gallbladder out she can neither tolerate very rich foods nor many raw veggies. Plus we keep kosher and have 2 kids who have their varying likes and dislikes. We eat a lot of black beans, rice, cheese, and corn tortillas/tortilla chips. We also do a lot of chicken and tofu with rice and various sauces. It works but going out to eat or going to friends’ houses feels so complicated. We used to love potlucks but now there is rarely food she can eat at them.

When I lived in France 3 people from our group were gluten free (me), vegetarian, or dairy free. We did a lot of charcuterie picnics. I couldn’t have the bread (triste!), one girl couldn’t eat the cheese, and the other couldn’t eat the meat. But each of us could have enough of the other 2 to constitute a meal. Adding chips, cherry tomatoes, and fruit worked for everyone. And we all enjoyed the wine.

I recently co-hosted a baby shower with multiple dietary needs and we did an avocado toast bar! We had a few bread options for toast, the avocado mash, sliced tomatoes, bacon, sunflower seeds, sprouts, red onion slices, Siracha, everything bagel seasoning, lemon wedges, reduced balsamic vinegar, and more! We also had fruit salad, sweet potatoes, and bakery items (gluten free and vegan options). It was very well received :-) No paleo guests but if there had been, we could also offer an avocado salad bowl instead of toast.

Beautiful food and a sweet gesture to accommodate everyone! To be honest as a gluten-free person I would have been a bit sad that the carby/more indulgent options weren’t available – we eat so many salads lol (though we’re used to it and I would never hold it against the host or say anything). I would humbly suggest adding maybe some gluten-free toasts or maybe a gf flatbread (something small). Or a gf dessert option would do it, ha. Because: carbs are life. :)

Vietnamese salad rolls! You can have your veggie platter of lettuce, herbs, cucumbers, carrots, bean sprouts, red peppers, avocado, whatever your heart desires. For the your ‘salty’ component, for vegetarians/vegans marinated tofu, grilled king mushrooms or even beyond meat lemongrass meatballs, for the omnivores, chicken, pork, beef, and for pescatarians, shrimp or even a roasted whole fish. I’m partial to salmon. I usually give the options of a peanut butter/hoisin sauce or Vietnamese nuoc cham or vegetarian soy dip. I also like to give options to make wraps or make a Vietnamese salad bowl with different types of noodle options, including rice vermicelli or glass noodles (made of mung bean). It’s a true DIY experience.

I recently had my family over- brother and his fiancé are vegetarian while my mom hates any cooked vegetables and my dad HATES cheese. Made sheet pan chicken shawarma from NYT cooking (amazing), frizzled chickpeas from Alison Roman, roasted cauliflower, stuck pot rice, and a tomato/onion/cucumber salad. Had pita, garlic sauce, and hummus from the local Mediterranean restaurant for the table. People could have everything separate or make their own wraps. It was a hit!

Oh gosh! Help please!!
In my family, we have someone with celiacs (so, gluten free); someone on the keto diet (so, all the fat and meats – no carbs); someone for medical reasons can’t eat beef, beans or anything too green; someone with a shellfish allergy; and two people who will anything (thank goodness). WHAT DO I MAKE?!!?!?

We’ll make what my six year old calls “falafel tacos” – put out pitas and then a build your own bar with Lentils & caramelized onions, falafel (TJ’s frozen kind), feta, tomatoes, cucumber, olives, shredded chicken if there are meat eaters and lettuce if any GF people want to make a salad instead. Its super easy and everyone seems to find what they like

In a sea of recipes and lists of basic foods that I have had to avoid going on 14 years now due to a highly anaphylactic teenage son, it was nice to see this article pop up. Navigating feeding a family from our kitchen with strict limitations on ingredients becomes exhausting. I’m always searching for new ideas and methods for preparing meals from our list of safe foods, so I’m intrigued by your efforts to meet the dietary needs of a group of guests. I wish I was eating at that table! Jenny your detailed descriptions, pictures and thoughtfulness feed my inner desire to embrace food, and continue to tackle how to make your recipes safe for our house.

I recently discovered that Julia Turshen’s Now and Then cookbook, which is a great resource for hosting meals, includes many gluten-free, fodmap, and vegetarian options. Many of her recipes are geared towards being low-carb/sugar to accommodate her wife’s diet (diabetic), so makes sense that they would also fit the bill for GF diets.

My husband is Veggie, I’m Omnivore, several friends are DF, two are GF (Celiac) and one is allergic to soy which makes for all sorts of issues. My go-tos are 1) Veggie shakshuka with a can of chickpeas mixed in, and gluten free nan, loads of herbs, yogurt and feta on the side as needed 2) falafel and kibbe (both from TJs), yogurt tzatziki (most my DF friends have an easier time with yogurt so they can put a little dollop if they want), and a chickpea/tomato/cucumber salad with chopped pistachios and pomegranate 3) Pozole blanco – a crock pot filled with veggie stock and hominy with all the fixings on the side (tortilla chips, shredded chicken, cheese, lettuce, radish, oregano, tajin, lime, “crema”) 4) Smitten’s roasted tomato soup in a crock pot with Make Your Own toasted sandwich (GF and regular bread, vegan and regular cheese, hummus, goats cheese for those flexible, sliced apples and peaches, various chutneys, veganaise for that lovely brown if people want it). It all comes out delish!

My family has a lot of similar restrictions and preferences and my moms go-to is always build your own tacos! Corn and flour tortillas, some meat, beans, vegan cheese, regular cheese, all the veggies, etc. Assemble yourself and then people know exactly what they’re getting. I also love doing what I call “picnic food” – cut fruit, raw veggies, crackers (some GF), vegan and regular cheese, hummus, dips, pasta salad, bean salad, etc and people can serve themselves.

These are great suggestions from Jenny and lots in the comments as well. I will always do my best to accommodate peoples dietary needs. I think if I was hosting a larger group with several different dietary restrictions I’d be tempted to go the pot-luck route and have everyone bring their favourite dish along with the recipe, then I’d be armed with some great recipe options for the next time I hosted!

alternatively, for anyone else that has autoimmune-related food restrictions, i’m trying various diets for healing the gut so that i can widen my tolerance when it comes to social eating! there’s so many different diet hypotheses out there :)

Recipes for these awesome dishes?! I’ll but the book…just tell me which one!

I’m still new to entertaining, but I myself am vegetarian and have friends who eat kosher so I’ve got a LOT of recipes dog-eared in my cookbooks.
Three I’ll mention:
Make a pot of chili! I never liked beef chili when I was a kid and ate meat, but LOVE bean chilis. I made an enormous pot for myself, spouse, and one guest and then had a topping bar: avocado, cheese, chips, sour cream. It was really the best.
I’m a sucker for burritos and fajitas, and think that anything build-your-own is great for entertaining (with the downside of all the dishes!). I have offered meat in the past, and have flour and corn tortillas so guests can customize to their heart’s desire
This soup is amazing!!! https://www.faryndrue.com/food/chickpea-dill-soup I don’t know where I first came across it, but I’m so glad I did. I’ve made it for myself for dinner many times, and only once for guests as a kind of appetizer but they were so complimentary that I plan to use it as a beginning course for sit-down, fancy dinner parties in the future

Coming back to comment again: I just want to echo what others have said about how wonderful it is when hosts take the Jenny route and make an effort to accommodate my family’s dietary restrictions. For me this is especially true when it comes to my daughter, who was diagnosed with celiac disease at 5 (a few years after I was). Celiac disease is not the biggest deal in the world (I always tell people that if you have to have an automimmune disorder, it’s nice to have one that you can control entirely with diet), and it helped a lot that I already had it and we knew how to feed her safely. But I was bummed out at the idea of her feeling excluded at birthday parties or school events. I was so, so moved when, in the months after her diagnosis, several friends made the effort to have GF cupcakes or treats for her at birthday parties. One baked a whole batch of GF cupcakes, another did an ice cream cake with GF cookie crust so that she could have the same as everyone else, and one who hosted a kids’ party with car-shaped mini-cakes actually baked a GF car cake for her! I know this is ridiculous, but I still get teary thinking about how friends worked to include her. It was just such a sweet way of loving her. I don’t expect everybody to make that effort, and I don’t mind keeping a GF cupcake in the freezer for her to bring to parties — but for those of you who do make the effort, please know how much you are appreciated!

As a pescatarian but often accommodating to vegans hostess, I find a bowl-style menu works best. Carb on the bottom (rice, cous cous, farro, quinoa), followed by a yummy sauce (often made with garlic and avocados or salsa or tahini) and five or so different toppings with different textures. I’ve tried garlicky kale, pickled onions, mango, baked tofu, hemp seeds, pistachios. You can grill some shrimp, shred a rotisserie chicken, or make hard boiled eggs on the side to add individually as needed for the non vegans. Top with fresh herbs like cilantro or mint and you’ve got a winner. If hosting a big crowd, simply serve the “bowl” in a casserole dish you’d serve a lasagna. Everyone’s happy!

As the brilliant Laurie Colwin once stated in Home Cooking regarding people with food allergies….”you don’t want to be responsible for the death of your guests, but sometimes it seems they will be the death of you.”

Thank you for these options!!

I first went GF on a hunch from a naturopath that it would help me with my health issues. It helped A LOT. I wasn’t celiac or even allergic but it was night and day to me. People grilled me something chronic about it and made me feel terrible. My father in law is still angry that I brought rice crackers to a party nine years ago. Because I couldn’t explain why I didn’t eat gluten I was often tricked into eating it or just not at all accommodated. If I brought my own food I got slammed, didn’t turn up, slammed, abstained, slammed again. Some people were only happy if I hurt myself with their food. Fast forward a few years and I was dx with a lifelong genetic issue which affects the gut amongst other issues, but I was lost and grieving my life and now did not yet want to explain my health problems. I wasn’t ready. Especially not to grumpy people who saw me as a good enough person for an invite but not good enough to take me at my word. I say all this because for all those people saying “if it’s real I accommodate” well sorry, it’s real if your guest says it is and why would you be inviting a liar to dinner? So let people manage their own bodies. Ask for help if you need “oh that’s not something I’ve catered before, can you suggest a recipe in X cuisine that would work for you?” None of us expect you to cater for us, but inclusion means having a conversation, loosening the reins and being a graceful friend to someone who is probably struggling with exclusion.

I like to do a buildable meal. Recently I had a big array of veggies from the garden: potatoes, beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, added hard-boiled eggs and canned tuna, olives, anchovies, feta cheese, herbs. All in separate bowls to be chosen by the guests. A big jar of basil vinaigrette, some bread and GF bread products, and there’s a meal everyone can choose from. Sort of a Salade nicoise-ish idea; everyone takes what they want to eat. Potatoes for carbs, tuna and eggs for protein, veg for veg, etc.

Bless your heart! I have one daughter who has chosen a vegetarian diet and one with several food allergies. That one also happens to be very picky! It’s exhausting! We always take her food with us when going to someone else’s home. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! LoL

I moved to London from Seattle a couple years ago. A few really notable things stuck out to me in terms of food/diet! Almost every menu here has halloumi as a vegetarian option, which I love, but there are also waaaay more vegan options here (that or I just notice it more here than I did in Seattle. But it seems like a higher proportion, noticeably, from when I left in early 2019!) And the other factor is that way more places have halal meat options.

When I entertain, my main thing now is to strictly segregate charcuterie platters (which are usually mostly pork) on their own tray and possibly a different table or space from other snacks, to cater to Muslim and Jewish friends (primarily the former in my circles here). I’ve never been as conscientious about that before; increased cultural diversity was a big part of our desire to make this move.

I’ve also had a lot of friends who are either pregnant or breastfeeding which has its own dietary challenges. I’m not proud that this more than other reasons has prompted me to be better about offering pleasant mocktails etc, but of course that helps for religious and lots of other not-baby-related reasons why people might not drink alcohol. And while I don’t personally have many or any vegan connections here, I had a friend who had to avoid dairy while breastfeeding so I’d get her a little vegan something (frozen pizza, slice of vegan cake etc) to make sure she felt cared for at parties.

But I don’t worry THAT much about perfectly accommodating everyone beyond what I’ve said above! When you’re in someone else’s house, you can flex to their hospitality if it doesn’t violate a core tenet. So a meat lover like me can and should happily eat non-meat at a party, ya know?

Oh, back in Seattle when weed was legalised we used to enjoy the novelty of being able to provide a little dish of individually wrapped edibles for people to enjoy right on the drink table at adult parties. But we have no idea how to do that here so have to skip that haha.

The ‘me-gan’ explanation! My name is Megan and I’m from Australia but Jenny’s pronunciation tip is the main way we’d pronounce that name here. I think it’s common for the U.S and U.K to throw more ‘egg’ into the sound of it. When I was in primary school we had an exchange teacher from Canada who pronounced my name ‘may-gan’. I just love that it’s said differently all over the world :) Also, those Brothy Beans look crazy delicious.

My mother was the best host, but day to day we were a “you’ll eat what I’ve made you and you’ll like it!” family haha (I had a nut allergy, but otherwise no dietary restrictions to navigate). I learned a lot from her about hosting (and have inherited her fear that someone will come over and be HUNGRY because we ran out of food or didn’t have enough of the right food haha). As an adult, my oldest brother became pescatarian, so that’s been another great learning for creating inclusive and delicious spreads! Some favourites:

– Seasonal veg quiche (can be vegetarian or meat/fish included – so easy to make ahead as well!)
– Build-your-own fajita, taco, burrito, etc. (with beans, veggies, alternative protein, shrimp, fish, meats, etc. – endless possibilities!)
– Hearty soup/chowder with great sides like a light salad, crusty bread, etc.
– Baked Beans! I’m from the northeast so these are not beans of BBQ-fame, but they are so hearty and easy to build a meal around
– Build-your-own Jacket Potato bar (or even better, build-your-own POUTINE bar!)
– Flatbreads/pizza with various toppings
– Mix of hot & cold mezze – dips, pita, olives, cheeses, dolmades, spanakopita, crudite – throw it on the table and go!