Making Friends as an Adult

Sadly my husband and I relate to that article so much and we’re only in our 20s! We crave a good circle of friends but just haven’t had it happen. All of our close friends are long-distance from our high school and college years and we’ve failed to forge meaningful relationships with people locally. We spend a lot of Friday nights hanging out with my Mom as a result, ha.

http://www.DisforDreamer.com

This hit the spot. I moved to a new city 2 years ago and knew a couple of people but nothing has really stuck. Yes I have made a couple of good friends but they work almost as much as me so it is hard to get together.
As recently as last week I e-mailed a couple of girls I had gotten to know about having dinner. I got no response. It’s really hard to make friends in your 30’s without joining things like the junior league or one of those coed sports teams (umm I’m not coordinated!!)
But to be honest I keep on trying! No one likes to be home alone every night of the month. ;)

I have found that this topic is so true in my life. Especially with my husband being active duty Army. We move so often and I am a stay at home wife with no kids. So I have to start over all the time with no workplace to meet people. I have been trying the gym but it seems those ‘meetings’ don’t go beyond the gym or everyone says sorry I can’t my kid has this or that. So difficult!

Thank you! My fiance is always teasing me because I am constantly trying to make new friends. I am 29 and moved to a new city a couple years ago. I am dying to have a neighbor or someone near by to spend free time with once in a while. I work at a tech company and have nothing in common with my coworkers. It is like dating all over again, but without the excitement of a first kiss.

I had hundreds of friends when I was in my 20’s…
Dozens in my 30’s… A handful in my early 40’s…
Now I am 46, and moved to Laguna Beach where I am a total loner!

Oh… I find it quite hard…
Even more living in another country… I wasnt able to make many new friends… Is quite hard… (and being a foreign, sometimes lonely…)
And now with the kid is even being hard to keep in touch with the few ones…

xx,
A.

Love the article. Just moved to a huge city in a foreign country and this is the first time in my life that I’ve had to exert so much effort making friends. After reading this article, I sighed one of the deepest sighs of relief… nice to know I’m not the only one.

Love the article. Just moved to a huge city in a foreign country and this is the first time in my life that I’ve had to exert so much effort making friends. After reading this article, I sighed one of the deepest sighs of relief… nice to know I’m not the only one.

This is such a fascinating read.

Loved that article! Such an awkward thing to sometimes talk about (am I a loser?!). I think he did an excellent job of removing the shame this issue can sometimes cause. I also find that with the cost of babysitters, my husband and I VERY carefully choose who we want to spend an evening with. In our pre-kid days, it seemed we could make the best of any situation, even if we didn’t just adore the people we were hanging out with. Now it’s money down the drain if we don’t have a fabulous time! :)

PHEW – glad to know it’s not just me! We moved to Brooklyn last year and I can’t say I’ve had a ton of success meeting people.

If we’re (ok me) being honest, I’ve also given up a little knowing we’ll be back in CA eventually. Although I deperately miss having freinds over for dinner.

Thanks for the post

This is timely! I’ve been wondering if you had any posts on making friends in NYC! We are thinking of moving from Australia to NYC and the making new friends part makes me nervous. We have two girls so I hope that having them gives us an avenue for making friends. We’ve moved quite a few times and sometimes friend making has come easily and other times it hasn’t. Small towns seem to be easier. When we lived in London it was harder. Great article by Alex.

I am in college but it is a commuter school and I am older than a lot of the students here. I am 24 years old which is not old but older than the typical undergrad. I have found it very difficult to make new friends and I find it weird to ask someone out. I have always been a little shy though. My mom who is 50 has no problem!

It is so hard to make friends after college! I just finished reading the book “MWF seeking BFF” which is about a girl in chicago who spends a year trying to make new friends. The most striking line in the book is that its acceptable for women to be seeking a man, but a girl seeking friends isn’t cool.

OK NYC… when is our “let’s make friends” meet-up?

A few weeks ago I said to my husband we need to find new friends (we are just in our thirties). We emigrated from our country and loads of friends have been left and even though we both are happy and have a great social life and have some friends, but we sometimes miss having more various ones.. so this article is just perfect!

I immediately thought of Alex’s story when I saw this on Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/listing/82552939/real-life-friend-request-greeting-card

add moving to a new city when you’re just pregnant – and it makes it even harder to find friends! faced with a new city and a whole new living situation we really felt (and still feel) lonely – despite having found some “friends” in the last two years. two of the closer ones are moving away now. sooo sad.

We moved to a small town about 3 years ago and it’s been so hard to make friends. The town is so cliquey and if you aren’t from here or lived here half your life, you are an outsider. Even the ladies in the church seem to have all of the friends they need. I’ve pretty much given up on it.

quite interesting, and true! this article was echoed even on italian press!

Great post!! I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with friends and family about how it’s not like it was in college and school. You seem to have a groups of people in “the same boat” as you when you’re in school and even a fledgling in the working world – you’re still in the same boat because everyone else is just starting out.
But then you move, for job or family reasons. You put down a few roots and then you have to move again. Or, it’s just so nice to stay at home in your jammies after a very long, stressful day at work and hanging out at the bar sounds like something that someone else would do while trying to become friends with the Piano Man.
Now that we’ve lived in our area for 5 years, we have a few “couple” friends, which is cool.
That brings up another point. You tend to want to make friends with those that have the same “status” as you. If you’re single, you want single friends. If you’re a couple, you want couple-friends. If you’ve got kids, you want to be friends with people who have kids. It just sort of…happens.
Thanks for sharing this!

i’ve definitely found this to be true! i graduated two years ago and besides my high school and college friends (who i rarely see) i haven’t been able to make any friends. and then it gets harder when you are married because then you want to make married friends.
xo TJ

well done alex! i think it is definitely relevant to a lot of people, myself included. life does get in the way and it seems like your true bff’s understand but sometimes other friends don’t. having moved to the city about a year and half ago, i am still trying to find my group of best friends. it’s nice to know that there are others that feel the same way. and yes, it does feel awkward to ask a girl to hang out but it’s a good risk to take!

I read this earlier this week and just now realized it is from “your” alex! I love the piece. I am in my mid twenties and have found that you do have to work harder to meet people. You just have to get OUT there and be active in something that you enjoy whether that is volunteering, art, dance, reading groups etc.

For those of us that are less inclined to just go DO something, it’s harder. Thankfully, I’m hyperactive. No problems yet!

my husband and i, both professionals moved to Toronto ON from Regina SK for some more excitement and culture! Being a Nurse and Doctor and knowing a couple people in the city, it didn’t occur to us that this transition may be a lonely one as we assumed we would meet people at work and see our other friends often. well it didn’t turn out that way – adults already have their own friends, it turns out! After two years, we ended up moving back to Regina because we missed our friends so much that we had back home. We talk about this with friends all the time.