What’s Your Child’s Bedtime Routine?

Late to the show here but I have to say that I come from the Jerry S era of not understanding the bedtime routine hype. I kinda just do what my parents did which was get washed up, set the timer for part of a chapter together, and kiddos can continue reading if they choose for another 15 minutes. Water cups are next to the bed, a sound machine, and stufffies seem to do the trick. My younger sister has also carried on our childhood bedtime routine with her 2 kids and this has worked for them also. I hear lots of nightmare stories from other parents and am grateful for the simplicity of our nighttime routine. I can’t really say what the “trick” was from the beginning. Other than I have been pretty deliberate in my “don’t try tricks with Mommy because I invented them all when I was a kid” vibe?

I’m a grandma now, former early childhood teacher (Montessori before having kids, Waldorf -influenced after). I do recommend the calmest routine that you and your child can enjoy, and thinking of what kinds of dreams you’d wish for him/her/them, as you choose books/stories, etc. I had slightly different routines for each of my children (as they are different), and they did involve several steps in a certain order (the latter was needed more for one child), but I also suggest avoiding too many different activities (going back to the basic idea of establishing calm). Sweet dreams to you all!

Very late to this, but why not. :)
My son is six. We go upstairs, have 5+ minutes of “showing each other animal battle moves.” Some cajoling to get out of clothes, do a final pee, and get into the shower. I give as many hugs as possible while helping dry him off. Tooth brushing, one book, as much end of day chit-chat as I can allow (nighttime is when a lot of big questions and feelings come out, these are some of my favorite discussions). Sadly and hilariously, I might get a dutch oven when I least expect it. Then a story — something about my childhood is often requested — and I sing a song or two. He falls asleep within a minute at that point. This can all take anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes! It’s sometimes frustrating but usually a time of really great connection with my son, and I cherish it.

We’ve always been pretty short on the bedtime routine with our son (now 7). After dinner its T & T (toilet and teeth) then hop into bed for prayers and a song. Probably takes 10 min tops. We’re a bookish family so read a ton during the day and he usually has a shower and gets into his pjs before dinner. Sometimes if he’s in bed early, Daddy reads him a chapter from a book (i.e. Narnia or LOTR) which he LOVES so its a good incentive :D. We’ve just added a wee girl to our family so her (non) routine is still forming…

Our kid is 3 and has fairly recently been potty trained so we start off with: “Potty Bear” time , then bath, pajamas and 3 books (this might have to change to a time length because the books are getting longer); a small glass of milk and teeth brushing with Daddy. Then he’s put to bed by me and we say prayers followed by a lullaby. Feels like there’s a thousand steps involved but then I remind myself he’s only this small once and I will miss it when its gone.

We don’t have a bad time routine for my 10 and 12 year old (basically when I get tired of whatever they are watching I say they need to go to bed). It ALWAYS turns into a nightmare of them fighting and screaming and me being frustrated because all I want to do is chill.
This is making me realize maybe I need to engage with them for just a bit so they can transition to bed rather than an abrupt “bed time, love you”.
Would love to hear from other folks with older kids on what works!

We’re not too far from darkness ourselves. It started really well with the first two, and then the third was a hot mess and a tranquilizer was about what we needed to get her sleep, and the fourth one was almost the same as third, but not as extreme. We lost our steam…

Bathtime, a couple of books, and then a bit of a comfort latch. Left boon is good for 1 Lord’s prayer, 3 Hail Marys and 1 Glory Be. Right boob is for a litany of people who loves her: “Mummy loves you. Daddy loves you. Grandma loves you. Grandpa loves you…” Love seeing her big dark eyes look at me as I tuck her up and quietly exit the room.

My 2-year-old’s favourite bedtime story is our wedding photos, known as “Noces” in our bilingual family. My husband crafted this big narrative about a dragon and ogre being fought off by his grandparents (“the old knights”) and the German ambassador (a dear friend I lived with over there). She knows every one of our friends’ names…from a decade ago. I didn’t put much work into the album at the time, which is for the best as she’s pulled out half the photos, but I’m so glad that it’s become part of our routine for the moment.

For our eight-year-old girl and ten-year-old boy, it’s bathroom, brush teeth, read a short book or a chapter of a longer book (right now it’s The Secret Garden and they are INTO IT; we’ve also done Hank the Cowdog and some of the Little House books). Then they put themselves in bed, and my husband and I switch off and do prayers and snuggles and a quick chat, and then it’s tuck in and lights out. We found that the whole thing had grown into an hour-long affair, so we try to keep it to 30 minutes now. (Note: at this age, I’m pretty sure I was putting myself to bed? But my mom stayed at home and we both work, so it’s precious catch-up time for us.)

For our little guy (just 18 months) the routine is: take a bath (mama), lotions and jammies (daddy), 2-3 books on the beanbag chair with a cup of milk (daddy), lights out and pacifier, a song (daddy) – and that’s it! We just recently added sit on the potty chair for a minute to the beginning of the routine. I credit Taking Cara of Babies for driving home the importance of setting up a bedtime routine from very early on.

God, Seinfeld is still the BEST and so on point. Did you read that piece by him in the NYT about New York going on? So great.

I won’t get into the boring details of my 8-year-old’s bedtime routine but I will offer what I’ve found to be a meltdown-preventing hack: If you kids are iPad obsessed like mine is, have them set alarms for their various evening tasks, like showering and turning out the lights and getting into bed. The trick is to have them do it–if you set the alarm, I think it can feel like an order, whereas if they set it, they feel more in control. I always do a little happy dance when I hear my daughter say to her cousin on FaceTime, “Hold on one sec. I have to go brush my teeth real quick.”

my husband and i split almost everything 50/50, and bedtime is no exception. he puts our daughter to bed, who is 20 months, and i put our 5.5 year old to bed. so, for our daughter it’s just a little bit of milk, bath, 2-3 books, and lights out – easy peasy. our 5.5 year old gets 30 mins of TV on his own, tooth brushing, a book we read together (i read most of the page and he reads a few words), and lights out. we’ve been strict on bedtimes and routines since they were both born and it has made life WAYYY easier now!

Love reading these comments! With my 4.5yr old it’s a board/card game or a couple of books outside with dad or mum. Then goodnight to the parent who is not putting them to bed, brush teeth, two books (one bible story, one goodnight story), prayers and we finish off by singing “Jesus Loves Me” and tucking him in with a kiss and cuddle. He has 4 soft toys he must sleep with every night and they must be arranged specifically before he zzzz’s too!

So impressed by my BF’s 4.75yo and 7yo, the little kid can put herself to bed if she’s tired enough. I relish reading her stories when I ‘sleep over’. The older son prefers to use the time to play often, though my BF reads to them both when I’m not there sometimes. Water seldom asked for (but provided in a water bottle, so no leaking issue)

What I find divergent to my memories of childhood – how flexibly late BF is with theirs!! I thought it was 8, so I’m aim to have them silent in a dark room then. He’s bendy, to about 8.30pm. (He’s also late to things a lot… maybe they’re related?)

You guys, I have four kids so my routine is simple and has always been, even with the first kid: teeth, face, potty, jammies (Bath every other day). Prayers, rocking to sleep or til sleepy, put in bed.
For older kids, instead of rocking until sleepy: Turn on nightlight, tell child running list of everyone who loves them, hugs, kisses, “tuck in”, leave room.

OMG…my grandchildren are even over the age where they need complex bedtime rituals! I remember my kids…bath, teeth, books read, sleep. Toby’s ritual is kind of crazy…following such a specific number of steps to achieve bedtime is beyond what is needed by children.

I knew ours was verging on the ridiculous, but it’s never so apparent until it’s written down! For our 6 & 3 year old – bath, teeth, pj’s, a couple of stories they get to alternate choices, then “mouth stories” where dad is required to make up a story based on the 6 year old’s synopsis, crazy rides (dad gives each of them a piggy back around the apartment, pretending to drop them in the toilet, trash can etc.) finished with “mama time” which can range from making up the most disgusting sandwiches you can imagine to blanket monster – I put a blanket on my head and run around try to catch them. None of this is particularly focused on relaxing, but somehow it works & the 3 year old falls asleep pretty quickly after which the 6 year old is allowed to read on his own for about 30 minutes.

My daughter is 3 1/2. We do bath, then she runs a naked lap around the house (so funny i can’t bring myself to say no), jammies, hair brush, inhaler, teeth brush, 15 minutes of a movie/cuddle, go to her bedroom and read 2 books, then into bed, a song and a kiss and “love you, good night, see you in the morning”. Before the pandemic there was no movie on weekdays but now I think we eat dinner a bit earlier so… whatever.

Thank you – I needed the laugh tonight! Toby’s routine sounds a lot like my daughters, lol. Lately we’ve been making a fort with blankets over her bed and reading with a flashlight. Every night she says, “I’m so excited!”. I remind myself these are the days and the moments. And I often remind her, “I’m doing my best”.

Take a video of your bedtime routine with your kids! I have precious few home movies (shaky 80s dad camcorder style) of my mom, and one is of her reading to me in bed, and I watch these films every year on her birthday. Remember to get yourself or your spouse in the home movies. Your kids will be so grateful one day.

This made me laugh, thanks.

My city is on fire, evacuated family are in my yard trying to social distance, and I needed a laugh.

Thanks!

Oh man, I feel this! Our process takes about an hour, and is full of rewards/bribes. ?

-Toy clean-up
-If she does that, she gets to watch one episode of Daniel Tiger while she drinks milk
-Brush teeth/wash face
-If she lets us do that (was previously a huge struggle), we have a dance party in our room where she’s gets to request two songs of Alexa
-Pajamas on
-A Supergirl ride with daddy around the house
-Prayer
-Reading 5 books of her choice
-Sing ABC’s
-Count to 10
-Talk about our day
-Talk through what we’re going to do tomorrow
-Line all 5 baby dolls up in her crib with their blanket
-Give her her binky and bunny lovey
-Tucked in with a hug and kiss
-Turn on lamp, fan, and noise machine
-Shut door and collapse from said bedtime routine

And on bath night? Forget it. ??‍♀️

I love reading about all the sweet stories and rituals!!

It also got me thinking about our own/adult “bedtime routines” — if I *actually* think about it step-by-step, my routine is as many insane numbers and steps and seemingly fussy particulars (fan on this setting pointed EXACTLY at this angle or skincare routine in THIS exact order or ice cold water placed right by the bed are basically the equivalent of a certain stuffed animal having to be at a certain spot on the bed). I would love to read other people’s bedtime routines!! (Is that weird?!)

I also think a lot about what we carry from childhood, particularly in bedtime songs and stories. I am incredibly purposeful about what I read just before I fall asleep (even if it is reading from my phone) because I know I fall asleep far more peacefully and without worry when I’ve chosen to end my day with something sweet, loving, funny, silly, or brilliant — learned the hard way that the opposite creates a lot of worry/anxiety! I also have a “bedtime” playlist that I turn on as soon as I’m transitioning to sleep that I listen to throughout straightening up and teeth-brushing and skincare and all of that– I never thought before how similar that is to being sung songs to go to sleep!