Three Words That Changed How I Parent

“do what works for you” (and don’t worry what other people might be doing, thinking, judging). It’s hard to not worry about everyone else’s opinion, but in the end we know our own family dynamics best (just like you know yours best).

Tonight, my son wondered what it would taste like to put Parmesan cheese in his iced tea. (We were at a function and he was playing with a packet of cheese…) I told him to try it and see. Might be gross but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Love this. I used to use a similar phrase…”What if X is okay?”
Of course there is a balance. Children need us to set firm + gentle boundaries. If we say “Yes” all the time, then they don’t feel safe in the world. Anyone looking for excellent guidance on boundaries or anything else on parenting should look up Janet Landsbury.
xo’s

I love this comment and it really puts everything into perspective. Teenagers can really push the boundaries and having this at the back of my mind will help and telling my girls will reassure them that it’s okay to fail because I will always have their back no matter what.

My best parenting advice came from an old Cup of Jo post I think written by you Joanna. You mentioned that when you were younger your mother always said there’s nothing you could do that would be bad enough to make her stop loving you. I think you commented that she said it so much you used to roll your eyes at it. I think about those words all the time and the power and security for children of knowing that they can screw up monumentally and as their parents you will still be 100% on their side (even if you might be mad at them for whatever it was they did!) So thank you to you and your mother for such wonderful advice xxx

I have thought of this post so many times throughout the years… It’s changed my reaction to mundane things like “can we eat under the table” or “can I wear my clothes to bed”. If it doesn’t hurt me or anyone else, then mostly, yes! I often feel like a mean mom (don’t we all!) and this helps me to feel like I’m allowing my daughters some choices and some fun.

Hey Jo – a great bit of advice for parents of teens… If they want to do something like – go to a party that you are a bit suss about….instead of saying “no way” …say ” let me think about that one”. I have found that many times the other friends have asked their parents (who said no) and the original plans fizzled out. From a Mother of 4 teens!

Love this! Thank you for sharing. Things have been fractious with my littles in the late afternoons recently, after long school days and with normal routines starting up again. I think my attitude sets the tone, so def going to hold this in mind and see if it makes a difference ?

As an ex-teacher, one of the best pieces of advice I was given (and which I passed on to student teachers) was: don’t say please, always say thank you. Which sounds draconian but works wonders, especially if combined with the subjunctive or conditional tense. For example: I wonder, could you just pass me that book/hold the door/keep your voice down? Child obliges. Adult: Thank you. The kindness. Child delighted and replies: you are welcome. Every.single.time. Children love praise and not asking implies you are the one in charge. Sounding like a character from a Nancy Mitford novel rather enchants children.

My friend who teaches middle school told me his teaching mantra and I find it works quite well with my toddler.

“Don’t pick up the rope.”

If I can leave the tug-of-war rope on the ground, I do. I say yes. I ignore. I distract.

Sometimes of course I have to pick it up, but when I can leave it, I do.

I go by something someone told me years ago ” don’t sweat the small stuff ” and this one works when my teenage twins are arguing ” unless there’s blood DON’T get involved “!

I love this!!! (Don’t have kids but still… this is the simplest and the best)

I love this in theory but in practice my 2 year old is the type that if you do something once it is then part of her routine and set in stone. So yes, until bedtime routine is 120 minutes long and we press the rest button to 3 books + backrub.

one piece of advice from my SIL has always stuck with me and i still follow it today. (my boys are 26 & 22) she once told me, ” sometimes you have to let them figure it out.”

I remember the original post and have thought about these three words ever since. In particular they come to my brain after I’ve created chaos in the house by saying a knee-jerk no to a some request that could have easily been granted. I’ve been a mom almost ten years – still learning every day.

My mom’s version of this was:

“It’s always yes, unless it’s no.”

That little solemn Anton face reminds me of Tootie from the movie Meet Me in St. Louis!

This is great advice. I find myself reaching for this kind of positivity during toddler battles.

I another good one is “big love, big boundaries”. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like a mean mom. I need to remind myself that if I don’t set a good example about boundaries, she won’t know how to do it for herself one day.

Needed this after a few disastrous days of remote learning! Thank you.

I think this is such important advice, and I love it. You’re so right — if it’s not legitimately harming them or someone else, why not go for it? :)

I have had the great blessing of raising three children (well almost, my youngest is 17). My son, who was my first child, had what I would call a strong will. He insisted on sleeping in his sneakers, wearing long sleeves and long pants no matter the season, and carrying a wool blanket wherever he went (even in the heat of the summer). When I brought these troubling concerns to our dear pediatrician, he simply said “Leave him be…he will figure it out”. He did figure it out of course. He is an amazing 32 year old man who I am so proud of…oh and he is going to be a Dad in March!!

Me: I’ll think about it.
4yo: Think about it and then say yes! Say yes!
Me: Oh, alright.

1,000 times a day.

I remember reading this post about a million years ago and it has really stayed with me. Your parenting advice is always on point. I also remember reading here on how to get your kids to talk about their school days. We’ve implemented the 2 good things and 1 bad thing conversation since then and I tell you, the kids will not shut up about what they’ve done at school! So thank you, as always, for being a good place on the internet.

Best advice ever! I follow it since my son was tiny and I think that he feels so much more confident because of it.

Needed this reminder today. Love it!