Have a Relaxing Weekend.

Joanna: you are so brave to bare your soul here each week and to allow others into your life. I can’t imagine how hard it is to do this publicly. You are both obviously terrific parents given how well the kids are handling things. The only thing constant in life is change….

For others who are fans of Fleabag, another novel that was just like that is: Meg Mason, Sorrow and Bliss. This is one of my best reads of all time!

A Turkish reader here. Thanks a lot for bringing this up here. I am currently living in Denmark for work reasons-thru governmental channels. I am telling this since I can give you information from Turkey’s ongoing efforts and how we organised donations from abroad.
If you want to make donations in forms of clothes please contact Turkish Embassies in your countries. They share what kinds of items are needed.
I have read comments of Ruth and Courtney, they have perfectly explained why money is and will be needed for two and more years.
There are a lot of ways of donating UNFPA UNICEF
For readers who want to donate and live in the US You can donate to TPA as
they are IRS approved, and donation can be easily made thru venmo.
For other readers who want to donate you can simply donate to red cross in your countries. I know that Danish red cross accepts payments with mobile pay.

There is a Turkish NGO called Ahbap who accepts donations in US $, €, Turkish Lira and crypto currency. They are very transparent with what had been done with the donations. Here is their webpage https://ahbap.org/disasters-turkey Considering 400$ is the least wage in Turkey, even a small amount can make a big difference for the victims of the earthquake.
For the fellow readers in Copenhagen, we are gathering for commemoration of the victims of the disaster on 19 February at 12:00-14:00 in Christiansborg Palace
You can find detailed information here:

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cok15MBszS4/?igshid=NDk5N2NlZjQ=

Thanks for your solidarity

Woo, that last comment from Lauren did it for me! And it’s true! I’m holding onto that parachute with everyone else.

Dear Joanna, I‘m a bit late here, but also wanted to say thank you for sharing your marriage news. It all must have been so hard, I‘m sorry you have to you through this. Know that I‘m one of the many readers of yours who is thinking of you and rooting for you. And I can only agree with what others already said – permanency is not the be all and end all. I admired your relationship from afar, you two created a wonderful family together, and that is a success. I‘m grieving my mother now, who died last week, and it made me even sadder to hear you‘re going through something hard, too. But know that you’re not alone. Life is hard, but as I learned, not least thanks to you: The goal is wholeness. Let‘s not forget that. Sending love from Germany.

To Canadians: the Canadian Red Cross is matching donations to Turkey and Syria until February 22. https://www.redcross.ca/donate – scroll down to the Turkey/Syria page.

Jo, I’m sure it has been a very difficult time for you all. I’m wishing you, Alex and the boys many happy days ahead.

Thank you for your amazing honesty. I love COJ and sharing what we all go through is so helpful. I’m trying to start a new shop to get through a tough time and have some fun prints for kids and classrooms. https://www.etsy.com/shop/PrintsForDreamers Please do check it out ☺️

You are so vulnerable and real and this is what makes COJ community so valuable for all of us who go through so many seasons of our lives! I also am going through a change and trying to get this shop going with inspirational resources for teachers and moms and so much more. Would be honored if you check it out! https://www.etsy.com/shop/PrintsForDreamers

Gosh I don’t even remember these conversations with my dad, but I have them with my husband. He turns the heat up to 69-70F and I turn it down to 66-67. He walks around in a t-shirt and won’t eat foods that nourish and support his body, and I wear sweaters and slippers and am healing my body after years of disordered eating. He complains about the heating bill.

I like the lipgloss nail polish trend. It would work well for me, because my hands take a lot of wear and tear.

I’m a geologist and my career is about discovering new information about tectonic plates and earthquakes. It’s difficult having expert knowledge about the risk of these devastating events, but still having little ability to help directly. I have two professional insights I’d like to share, in case anyone is interested.

1) Scientists only figured out plate tectonic theory in 1970. We understood a lot about earthquakes before 1970, but the theory is a game changer because it gives us so much more concrete info on risk. At the same time, think about how little we knew about core science concepts in first fifty years after discovery, like if we were just fifty years from defining gravity, for example! Even more urgent, think of how many buildings around the world were built before 1970, and haven’t been updated with the latest earthquake proofing technology, no matter how close the building is to a major fault zone. That’s as true in the US as in many countries.

2) My colleagues in social sciences who specialize in the human dimensions of natural disasters always remind us of the wide gulf between relief and recovery efforts. If you have the means, please set up recurring donations, or set a reminder for one year from today and two years from today (and three if you can). Even small monetary donations 1-3 years after a devastating event can meaningfully support the long work of rebuilding, which will be ongoing long after the news cameras depart. That isn’t a criticism of the media, it’s just a tough tough reality of earthquakes (and other large scale disasters, natural and human).

3) A bit of hope: as a professional in the field, I also see how much we are figuring out on the science of earthquakes. It’ll be decades from now before we have big news to share about how to reduce the risk from these awful events, but there are humans working literally around the clock on this, and we’ll continue this work as long as it takes. Rest assured, to the extent that you can. 💙

Something to think about to help when the boys are with Alex. Now might be the time to get a pet. It is so nice to have that companionship when the house is quiet. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my Coco during the separation/divorce/selling the family home stages of becoming myself again.

The book about love has some surprising language in the linked webpage. It says: “The candor of street photography proves to be essential when dealing with love: a theme that is often reduced to a westernized one-size-fits-all or an orientalist wet dream.” I’m sure the Cup of Jo team doesn’t think that more geographically western people necessarily see love as one size fits all. And I’m sure the CoJ team doesn’t share this, well, you know, this view of Asian people.

Xoxoxo holding xoxoxoxoxo

I was wondering, did you happen to be trying to send us hints for the past year or so? Like, the co-parenting comic on last Friday, and/or just a smidge more frequent posts about divorce, single parenthood, etc…or even that post about complicated relationship statuses

Two things:
my mom is my ultimate travel companion (Traveling with hubs is always a blast, but there’s always a point where we’re like, LET’S SPLIT UP AND MEET LATER, UGH). My mom got the backpacking bug a few years ago, and thanks to her we’ve been on some epic adventures!
Also, I so, so admired the grace and honesty in your post about your marriage. It was beautiful. What a hard thing to go through, but as others said, how much more loving to let go and be honest than to try to make it “work” by some arbitrary social standard. Go you!
Okay and a third thing: I currently am in Brooklyn right now so I am about to head to Win Son based on that first link!! Thank you!

Do any readers know of ways I can donate clothes and shoes in like-new condition to survivors in Turkey and Syria? I have a ton of women’s and baby/toddler clothes that I’d love to pass on. If it helps- I’m located outside Washingon, D.C. (FWIW- I’ve also made $ donations, but I can imagine how much is needed).

My parents are great travel companions! They are easy going, good humored, and appreciative. The same spirit that made simple car-camping trips near home feel like big adventures when I was a kid made them my favorite travel partners in my 20’s. They can spend all day at a museum, get cheese and bread and watch shops in a harbor, change plans on a dime, or “converse” congenially with someone with no shared language.

They sometimes accompany my family on vacations and I sometimes worry if it will be too much for them but they still bring that easy enjoyment of whatever we’re doing. On a recent trip, we all spent a day in an airport due to a flight delay and still had fun. They make airport hamburgers, people conveyers, and watching luggage loading feel like an intentional activity.

P.S. I should mention that we rented Mom a motorized scooter and she was kind of a menace.

Thanks for the “traveling with your parents” comments. I traveled with my late mother for more or less all of her life and it was the best. As a child it was from airbase to airbase, as a young adult she traveled with my family to help with her grandchildren, and as we aged it was girl trips that often included other female family members. My mom loved to travel and was a wonderful travel companion. Our last trip was a Caribbean cruise with my daughter when Mom was 87. Her health wasn’t the best, but we booked a suite and her excursions were sitting out on the balcony while my daughter and I went sightseeing. It was her first and only cruise and she loved it. Our steward loved her and took precious care of her while we were away. Her enthusiasm and appreciation won over everyone she met. It was an experience that my daughter and I will never forget.

Thank you for posting the Middle Eastern book about Love. The Western media has convinced us that Arabs and Muslims are void of love and joy, only to be seen as rabid terrorists who use their children as human shields. Some of the greatest love poems come from this region. Thank you for continuing to humanize us and showing that we are capable and worthy of love as well.

Ok, parachute people: life has quickly gotten heavy, my family needs some easy joy. Can you recommend a TV show? We loved The Good Place. I’m even thinking a reality show. What could we binge on together?

Thank you in advance.

Holding that parachute’s hem sooo lovingly and tightly! My heart beats with yours. Love to you and the boys.

The world seems so extra lately, the weekend is so welcome.
Wishing blessings and kindness and ease to all.

And a shout out to all the women who had no parachute, and jumped anyway.

I’m also not someone who comments much but I am so moved by your willingness to share yourself with us … because of that we feel more deeply connected to you, and you have created this community of women who return again and again to both support you but also connect to the energetic space you have created for other women. If you come back to Austin please let us know – I’d be first in line to give you a hug and thank you personally for the impact you have had on my life. This post inclusive. ❤️

Re: Every dad’s thermostat guide: I grew up in a house where my *frugal* mother kept it so cold that I used to wrap the hem of my nightgown over the heating vent, so that I could sit in an inflated flannel ballon of tepid air and feel slightly more comfortable. By contrast, my partner grew up in a coal mining family- they had coal burning heat and the company used to give them a free supply to get through the frigid Wyoming winter. Free heating= everyone WORE SHORTS AND TEE SHIRTS INSIDE ALL WINTER LONG. My boyfriend still regards this as the sensible norm. You can imagine the arguments.