Four Fun Things

If you liked the movie you should read the book! And ten other Elena Ferrante’s books as well (hardly recommend My brilliant friend)

Spoilers ahead!…Thanks to Jo for providing space for this conversation! I really liked this movie, and am still thinking about it days afterward. I read the book, and Gyllenhaal deliberately made quite a few changes to the original story. I think the book was meant to be less of a blueprint and more inspiration for the adaptation. IMO, Olivia Coleman’s character was a kind of screen so we could view all the projections of others, and the tension that arose as those projections sometimes clashed with her reality. This clash resulted in more than one head scratching conversation. I found these exchanges puzzling but also at times funny and sad. No one, at least in the earlier part of the movie was really seeing her as a complete human, if they were seeing her at all. They were all seeing what she lacked, or what they wanted to see in her. A sage older mother or grandmother, someone in need of help or protection, someone in the way, or a woman on a solo holiday wanting/needing sex. I thought a lesser actress could never have pulled off the quiet way she was able to show exterior expressions of her interior world.
Being 62 years old, I can say that becoming invisible as you age is real. It’s something all women in our culture experience at some point or another. Whether or not you have children, you will eventually find yourself with time and space to explore, (or be haunted by) past decisions and their attendant consequences at a point when you are powerless to change them. In this respect this movie shows an important aspect of the human experience. I am not letting Coleman’s character off the hook, but I do think women are always judged much more harshly than men for putting their own drives and desires ahead of family. In this case, she was made to die for her transgressions. In the eyes of others, and maybe even in her own eyes, this was the only acceptable punishment for her crimes. I know this interpretation of the ending is up for grabs, but I think she dies.
The movie also raised the idea that our culture just cannot seem to let a woman be alone without making her suspect. Even before some of her memories come haunting, and the audience becomes aware of her decision to leave her children, Coleman’s character is either pushed around or seen to be in need of something; protection, help, or attention. Very thought provoking movie.

After watching the movie, I took the book from my library to remind me the story, because I couldn’t get it from the film. I think they failed with several things – the Greek island can’t replace Italy somewhere near Naples, it plays too important role there. Greeks are polite and love foreigners, there is nothing like darkness and anger in people there like are present in Naples people in Ferrante’s novels. It makes the main source of unexplainable motives of Leda’s behavior. I love Olivia Coleman and she was great here too. But the script has spoiled the story.

I found the movie to be meh. It never came together. I think that if it hadn’t been directed by Gyllenhaal, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

I don’t mind unlikable characters. What I do take issue with is if unlikable immoral characters are unironically heralded as heroes. A quick google search and the critic reviews are almost unanimously positive. The comments from “regular” audience viewers much more mixed. No, Leda is not simply a hero for being honest enough to explore her darkness, if her darkness hurts people. What does it say about our culture id we see it as such?

It’s definitely not a movie that seems to care whether you like it or not, or tries to tell you how you *should* feel about things.

The Lost Daughter also fell flat to me. Scene by scene it created interesting ambience, and obsession is always in interesting thing to explore, but for me the story never tied together. And maybe it can be passed off as a meta-expression of ambiguity, but for me it just seemed like a lack of clear sense of direction. What is the director’s point? You have to make a decision of what you mean to say, even if the audience ultimately interprets it in a multitude of ways.

Also was Leda supposed to be evil? I understood the frustrations of caring for young children and being pushed to the edge, but that does not really lead me to empathize with her irreversible actions (not the day-to-day loss of patience, but rather adultery and leaving for 3 years). Her husband was selfish? Maybe selfish fathers are more well-known but they are in no way accepted in my book. Leda was selfish too and clearly the spotlight of the story. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And who are the victims? The children. She doesn’t know why she took the doll? Well explore why. There is always a why. Why commit such pathologically narcissistic actions?

“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” -Carl Jung

Thanks for putting this movie on my radar! I can’t wait to watch it because it has two things I love. Weirdly, I love portrayals of the grim side of motherhood. I think this is because I chose not to have kids in part because I feared that grimness, and at the time I made my decision (almost 15 years ago), there were so few such portrayals. I find it riveting to explore this fear from a very safe distance. Second, I love love love nuanced roles for older women, and I’m just delighted to see more of these on the screen – On the Verge, Hacks, etc. (Just the opposite of the Sex and the City reboot, which is a bloody ridiculous depiction of people in their 50s with problems much more likely to be seen in people in their 70s. If there were such a think as malpractice for writers, the AJLT writers should be sanctioned).

I agree with the more negative reviews. Most mediocre movies start with the script and this one was very flat. It also takes a very skilled director to go back and forth in time and usually it fails. It is hard to stay with one story when another is being pushed minutes later. And yes, the character is very unlikeable so there isn’t much to hold us. And why is Olivia Coleman’s character so focussed on Dakota Johnson, who is just an island lowlife, really. Thumbs down for me. For a truly excellent film, watch the new Asghar Farhadi film, “A Hero.”

I found Lost Daughter very confronting and thought provoking, particularly after 2 years of home schooling here in Melbourne, Australia. Work has been incredibly stressful due to the challenges of COVID and on top of that I have had my 2 young daughters at home. The scenes where she is trying to get work done and also trying to look after her daughters really hit home for me. I don’t think it would have hit me so profoundly prior to COVID lockdowns. The thought of leaving the girls for 3 years is certainly extreme as I would miss them so, but to have the freedom of a couple of weeks to myself would be really amazing right now. As Leda said, parenting really can be a crushing responsibility at times.

I’m clearly in the minority but I agree with the other anti-Lost Daughter commentators … I was so excited for the movie, but I really disliked it. I adore Olivia Colman, and thought her acting was excellent as usual, but her character as written for the screenplay was so flat. A woman who leaves her children for a few years, that is such rich territory to mine … but no. Enough with the godforsaken doll already! That said, I could’ve watched hours more of the actress who plays her daughter. She was absolutely mesmerizing, and those scenes of her taking care of her kids hit the mark 100%. Devastating.

The film was a bizarre and went no where. I would not recommend it, hence, IMDB’s borderline rating.

The best thing about the movie was Dakota Johnsons performance. I have a new found respect for her and cannot wait to see her in future things.

I just had to post this. My absolute favorite scene in The Lost Daughter is Ed Harris dancing. I loves his character and that scene made my heart happy.

I loved the film for its complexity and nuance and thought that Gyllenhaal’s depiction was unnerving in the very best way. It shows something true and that can be hard to watch given all the ways patriarchy demands mothers to be and look and act a very particular way—grateful, pious to the holy order of motherhood, selfless and gentle. Olivia Coleman’s Leda is longing to live out a story that feels impossible. It’s clear that she’s tried and tried again ultimately echoing the narrative of what the world has told her she is: “selfish”. I’ve been recommending this movie to everyone because I’ve never seen a more sophisticated portrayal of a woman being acted on and acting out the part of mother.

I was planning on not watching The Lost Daughter because I thought it was going to be too heavy for me at this point in time, but I watched it and really liked it. I thought it was so intimately shot and I liked how all the characters were kept ambiguous. Really a refreshing and different film. Bravo, Gyllenhaal!

Well comments here gave me pause but I watched the trailers and have to say it looks like what I’ve been craving: brilliant,, artistic honest and thoughtful. The cinematography looks pretty great too. I can’t wait to watch it tonight after work. And I am So Happy for Maggie Gyllenhaal! and not surprised that she had this kind of quality film in her! I really hope she makes more films with this type of creativity!

Lost Daughter was SUCH a downer for me. No wonder Leda was so melancholy. Leaving your kids, wow. Husband was begging her to stay. Was hard to drum up sympathy for her in any capacity.

How can I watch The Father? Streaming or in theaters?

Just ordered some pork fat tortillas. That’s a three word combination I’ve never heard and can’t wait to try!!!

I was excited for the Lost Daughter, but it really didn’t do it for me. Olivia Coleman was great (of course), but at a certain point I thought, huh, I guess this really is about a stolen doll? I also could not fathom why the movie continued beyond Leda’s revelation to Dakota Johnson’s character in the market that she had abandoned her children. Weak storytelling overall, and Johnson’s performance fell so so flat for me.

The Lost Daughter was making me so anxious that I had to turn it off! That babydoll omg. When she saw her in the store buying clothes I gave up. Maybe I’ll try again but it was so intense and I didn’t expect it.

I am scared to watch any “good” movies since they are always also upsetting, but I can give a hearty 3 cheers for Caramelo tortillas! I discovered them via bon appetit early in the pandemic, and I don’t ever want to eat another tortilla in life. So much of life is hard right now, and it feels really special to have an everyday treat for regular ol’ Taco Tuesday.

You must read the book by Ferrante! It is in my top favorite books I’ve ever read. Never have I read a more honest, real take on motherhood. Ferrante rejects the “fantasy” mother and the “monsturous” mother and (finally) gives us the truth.

Love these! Has the COJ team seen the tv show We are Ladyparts yet? The pilot is free on Peacock. It’s about a Muslim all female punk band in London and its so lovely and funny!

I didn’t enjoy the book, and I didn’t like the ending. The only reason that I don’t regret reading it, it that it was a shorter book so I didn’t lose too much of my time. But I’m always curious to see books turned into movies so it is definitely on my watchlist.

I spent almost an hour one afternoon 4 years ago in Lawrence, KS talking with Ruben while he rolled tortillas. They are delicious and he is wonderful. He had to move to a larger location with all the internet love. It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!

Saved this movie for later.
From all the comments and the general plot, it doesn’t sound like the movie to watch when you are trying to have a baby and IVF is imminent.
That said, ordered the avocado oil tortillas! If anyone has recommendations for fresh tortillas near Portland Oregon, please please post it below!