Motherhood Motto

“Good for her! Not for me.” A great mantra for mommas and non-mommas alike!

Love this so much! Thank you for the reminder x

I love this quote! Can I indulge in a little nerd fest? I prefer the term vaginal delivery to natural childbirth because I don’t think natural childbirth is specific, and it shades people who choose to facilitate vaginal birth with anesthesia, or who require surgical intervention. I’m an aspiring ob/gyn (third year med student) and helping people assert autonomy over their bodies and lives is what inspires me to keep doing flashcards all the dingdang time.

I became a mother for the first time in November 2015. Because of this post I read Yes, Please! during my time at home with my baby girl. Good for her, not for me, became my mantra – and something I kept repeating to friends that were pregnant. So nice to see this post again. I now also have a son that was born in 2018, and it is still my mantra! Love from Oslo!

Love that book because I wasn’t expecting to love that book. What a breath of honesty from a funny and vulnerable person.

My four are big kids now (20, 17, 15, 13), but my mantra was always “Age appropriate inappropriateness.” They seem like effing cuckoos, but it’s what kids do and it’ll pass. Just redirect and keep breathing.

I love that book!
My life mantra as I parent little kids come from the wise Gretchen Rubin:
“If you can’t get out of it, get into it.”
Kids are getting up at 5am? We might as well have a tea party! Potty training? Let’s call it a naked party weekend! I think about it a lot during these long socially distanced days- we are doing a lot of family sleepovers, face painting, fort building– our version of “getting into” being together all the time!

love this quote, it’s something mothers need to reminded constantly. I find that i’m super confident at job but not so much as mother. I always doubt myself if i’m doing enough, if i’m being too strictly, if i’m not opening their mind fast enough, etc.

Yes! I love this. Alison Roman would have benefitted from this advice…

Pretty sure I got this mantra from your blog, but:
Babies being babies.
I don’t have babies anymore- they are 6. But, man, that mantra got me through it.

Now I have 6 year olds and I guess my unofficial mantra is: they aren’t going to snuggle you for much longer. It makes me appreciate every moment with them, even when they are screaming “you are the worst mommy ever!”

Where is the “just add water” original post? I want to send it to my sister and I can’t seem to find it.

My mum told me, “do what works until it doesn’t.” My daughter is still young, but I’ve used it for issues around feeding, sleep, etc.

My mantra is “You don’t know what you don’t know. Everyone is doing their best.” I’ve been a foster mom and dealt with incredibly traumatized and difficult kids and in public you wouldn’t know by looking that I wasn’t their birth mother. When they acted out I couldn’t (and would never want to) explain to every passing stranger how these children have been traumatized and that I’m not a lousy mom and they’re not a bad kid. I am now an adoptive mom of a boy with some challenges and we have similar moments, even though we look like totally normal, healthy, upper middle class Portlanders. Our very visible struggles had an invisible context. I realized this is probably true of everyone to some extent. I don’t know what challenges folks are facing, so with that knowledge all I can really do is assume that they, like me, are doing their best.

This should be a life mantra.

I think this is such a great motto In all aspects of our lives. I do not have children and maybe never will but I still think of so many ways this motto is applicable in my life. Including not having children!!

Some of my favorites are “Just add water” (got that one from COJ and it works wonders for my two-year old—a bath or some time in the sprinklers instantly boosts his mood); “They don’t remember anything before they’re five” (so WHATEVER), and every word of Anne Lamott’s “Operating Instructions.” It is my personal scripture when I have a new baby because it is just so hysterically funny: when she calls her newborn scum because he won’t sleep, I completely lose it every time.

After four daughters — I unequivocally support this mantra!!!!

Such a great book and I’ve been meaning to re-read it.

Yes to this absolutely! I also try really hard to avoid the trap of mum-guilt – I wrote about it here, in case it’s of interest – https://themumandthemom.com/2017/02/05/why-i-have-no-mum-mom-guilt-and-nor-should-you/
…and feel like the good for her / not for me / no guilt is especially important right now, it’s so easy in isolation to fall into a trap of silently comparing ourselves and feeling like we don’t measure up somehow.

A friend recently shared this with me as I was expressing anxiety over some challenges with my three-year-old, panicked about the teenager he might become. She said, “Parent the kid you have today.” It has made all the difference in my ability to be present for his needs now and to take the stress out of shaping what the future might look like for him.

Ever since your original post, I’ve read the book and will say this to myself occasionally. The best part about it? It reaffirms YOU know who you are.

I don’t have kids, but recently became a step-parent & I keep thinking about something I read in Cup of Jo — I can’t remember the exact words, but I remember it as “why not say yes?” Mixing milk and mango juice? Why not say yes? Hockey pucks in the freezer? Aluminum foil collections? Why not say yes? It helps me remember that I used to love to freeze milk, put food coloring in everything, and generally feel like I was discovering life like a mad scientist, too.

This seems particularly relevant today as I’ve been reflecting on Alison Roman’s critical comments towards Marie Kondo and Chrissy Teigen. Perhaps she could have simply said, “Good for her, not for me.”

I use that mantra all the time after reading her book! “Good for her/him/them. Not for me.” Takes a heck of a lot of guilt and pressure off.

I love “good for her not for me”. So many ways to be a good enough mom, and just to be. There’s not one right way.

The corollary, “she’s wonderful (smart, beautiful, accomplished, together, wise, cool, chill, amazing) and so am I” also helps me a lot. It’s easy for me to see the great qualities in other women, and in doing so I’ve often felt less than, so I started reminding myself that I am all of those things too. It helps.