How to Be a Neighborhood Aunt (Or Be Loved By One)

We’re at the stage where many of our friends have had their first kid and some have already had a second. We’re honorary “aunt” and “uncle” to so many little ones near and far and it fills my heart. We’re welcoming our first later this year and we can’t wait to intro them to all their aunties and uncles!

This reminds me of the asian tradition of calling close friends of your parents “aunt and uncle”. My sister and I were born and raised in Taiwan and Hong Kong, far far away from my parents families on the east coast. I loved the extra bond that came with calling them Auntie and Uncle, instead of Mrs & Mr., especially in the formal ex-pat social circles my parents ran in.
Today, I am Auntie Caroline or SeaSea to my niece, nephew, and many of my friends kids. My best friend loved the concept of godparents but they aren’t religious, so instead I am her daughter’s fairy godmother. There is a hope that when she’s a teen navigating all the complications that come with becoming a young adult that there is another adult in her corner. And NOT being a family member, gives a little buffer so she can ask uncomfortable questions she likely wouldn’t ask her parents. But who knows how she will feel and what our awesome relationship will grow into!

i cannot believe Anton and Toby are 9 and 12!

I’m an Auntie by choice of my best friends 2 little boys. I’m still learning because I don’t have a lot of experience with kids but I hope our relationship ends up like those in the post.

I’m the last of my group of girlfriend to have kids (that wants them), and I’m an auntie to several littles between the ages of 18 months and 4. It is THE BEST, and it is amazing to feel like a kid has chosen to interact and bond with you (as opposed to his parents, with whom he’s around 24/7). But sometimes it also aches, because I’m not-so-patiently waiting my turn to have my own kids. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

On a completely unrelated note, tell me more about the amazing plate that Linus is using for his snacks! It’s beautiful.

Being an aunt is the best and I hit the absolute jackpot with my nephew. I love kids so much and winning their affection might be the best feeling ever? I will offer to hang out with my friends kids. Give me all the baking, crafts and adventures. I love listening to them and also when they reach for my hand to hold, I melt into a puddle. I’m lucky to have so many littles in my life :)

I had my son at 23, much sooner than the majority of my siblings and friends. My son is grown now (actually 23 himself, and I cannot even imagine him being a parent!!), finished with college, working and out of the house, while my nieces, nephews, and friends’ kids range in age from toddlers to early teens, and it is so much fun! We can pay lots of attention, act goofy, and show off our son’s legendary Lego collection that we will never get rid of, ha! My husband and I are longtime friends with a now-divorced couple who live in separate cities and our house is a common meeting point for exchanging custody- their two kids are the BEST and one of them recently told us we are his favorite aunt and uncle (which is particularly poignant since he has 7 sets of actual aunts and uncles).

This is the sweetest post. Since moving to LA, I have been befriended by a young newlywed couple who hope to have children. I have big future aunt excitement.

I am a SUPER PROUD auntie to many, both through blood relatives and all sorts of friendships. There is something so sweet about this role that I don’t think gets talked about enough. There are lots of us women out here who are successful and loving and just never had families of our own. And it’s not because we didn’t want them; it just never happened. Society doesn’t always have a space for us in the neat boxes of motherhood and not-motherhood. Still we love on our blood nieces and nephews and our friends’ kids and the sweet neighbors down the hall. We get to have fun and love and comfort all sorts of children. It’s such a special, sort of neat space to occupy in the lives of families and children of all ages. I treasure it and would like to think it was always the role I was set out to fulfill. Being an auntie, in whatever form, is really the best!

This, but for teenagers! I love talking with teens/new college students about their plans for the future, all the stuff they are sorting out about themselves and how they are moving through the world, etc. As with toddlers, when you’re not the parent and aren’t infused with the worry and day-to-day stresses, you can be easier to just enjoy them for the people they are becoming, and allow them to feel seen and heard. Parenting teens can be a challenge, and it can be really helpful at that age to have trusted adults in their lives that aren’t their parents.

I loved this article, and it immediately made me think of my kid’s neighborhood “auntie.” I was lucky enough to move about two years ago to a lovely neighborhood that is pretty close-knit and my neighbor mom friend Meg is now “Mama Meg” to my two-year-old. My daughter adores Meg and is always so excited to hang out with her! It gives me a break and gives Meg a little dose of that toddler sweetness now that her boys are in elementary school. <3

As someone who is childless by circumstance, I feel especially lucky to be an honorary aunt to my friends’ kids. However, I chafe a bit at the term “fun aunt.” For those without kids, it’s often used as a backhanded compliment—as if we’re too self-absorbed or unskilled to be anything but fair-weather caregivers. I’ve changed blowout diapers. I’ve diffused tantrums. I’ve listened, I’ve advised, I’ve taught. So while there’s been laughter and goofy adventures, I feel deflated when I’m thought of as just a diversion.

But what about the COJ community of aunties?! Countless times I have left a post or the comments section with a hot tip, desperately needed advice, or encouraging words that feel like a warm hug. Searching the COJ page has become akin to googling something for me, knowing I will find the wonderful folks of this community have so much wisdom and kindness to share<3

I have several friends who I’ve now known over half my life (since high school!) and we now have a gang of kiddos who really brighten up our friend gatherings. I love so much asking them questions about school, what sports or activities they’re doing, and letting the conversation flow where they lead (dinosaurs! always dinosaurs!). I have a kiddo of my own, and I hope he brings my friends as much joy as theirs bring to me.

We live on a little cul de sac and I really love the other kids who live on it. When my two kids are outside with me, the kids just play with each other. But if I’m outside by myself doing yard work, I’ll get visits from the 5- and 6-year-old neighbors to shoot the breeze about things like the color of their daddy’s snowblowers and which kind of Christmas lights are the best. We’ve got a small extended family so I won’t ever have “real” nieces and nephews, so I love having these ones!!

Love to Ziva and Sunny!!

Hoping for some advice from this lovely community – how do you tell the difference between “the ache” and actually wanting another child!? I have been so lucky to have two beautiful kiddos (now 5 & 3). I never really dreamed of having kids, much less having more than two, but the idea of a third has been popping up in my mind for 6 months or so and I can’t get it out. I have loved this time with my kids so small, and love spending time with kids in general and part of me feels like more love and more people to spread it around on is a no brainer, but I also don’t super look forward to another pregnancy and we are juuuuuust getting out of the chaos of very early childhood and I just can’t decide whether my desire for a third is driven by some grief of leaving this stage or truly wanting to add another human to our family! How do people decide!?

What a lovely and timely article! I’m not really a kid fan — never had any desire to have one and rarely interact with children. However, I moved abroad early this year and have been very intentional about making female friends. One of these friends is due with her first in Feb. This article made me pause and reminded me how important it is to be intentional in my relationship with her son as it is with her. I’m looking forward to learning how to be a proper Auntie :)

This was so nice to read

Smiled while reading — this is so sweet and beautifully written, Joanna!

I love to be an aunt. When my nephew was born, my mother told me that my relationship with him is different from my brother´s. I totally agree and always tried to be part with then in a different place. Once I sent to the boys a book that my brother used to read when we were kids. It was used and I found on a vintage store. Just wrote: “Being an aunt it is to live the same thing in different shoes”.

About neighbor newphews and nieces, yes, I also love to be an aunt: one of my “nieces” showed me a plastic snake. Yes, she loves snakes (while her sister has a cute teddy bear)and have one to play that well… it is not adorable and soft.

So I had crochet a snake for her: now she is pretty happy to sleep with the plush animal every night.

Also we have a couple of children in my building diagnostic with autism so I had read stories for them one afternoon at our garden.

I think that children need love, attendion, kindness, patience and protection, no matter the title. One day, when the now little girl becomes a doctor or a cientist, everybody is going to have benefits of her work. So, why not pay her in advance now with some afection?

My son is almost 5 (!!!) which feels so big already, and my husband and I are constantly begging friends with new babies to let us babysit. It’s so funny because when you have a baby, especially your first, it feels like an enormous burden. But if you’re a more seasoned parent, and even more when it’s not YOUR baby, they are like a breeze to watch! Let your friends babysit PLEASE we just want snuggles again. I would pay my friends to let their babies nap on me, haha.

This just absolutely broke me. I have a very strained relationship with my family, and we moved just before the pandemic hit and haven’t yet made any real friends here. My heart just breaks for my son.

This is a very very sweet post, I’m not saying otherwise—sometimes it’s good to feel those deep down feelings, if only to remember they’re there, ya know?

I am an only and grew up far away from family. I had a neighbor aunt and uncle, which was a priceless gift. I loved it so much. They taught me to play cards, mow the lawn, and that angel food cake with strawberry ice cream is the BEST dessert. Now that I’m a mama who has an only who lives far away from family, we have adopted aunts/uncles for our son. It’s a great way for kiddos to learn to interact with adults!

When I was younger I felt like I had to make it very clear that I did not want children and maybe didn’t even like children to deal with the pain of (correctly) suspecting that I would never have them. I didn’t want people asking me about it. Now I don’t have any kids in my life and I wish I did.