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I feel seen. By the amazing Grace Farris.
P.S. Mom voices and taking kids hiking.
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Heather! I love this story. Hahahahahahahaha.
For anyone in the desert….please add, “look Mom, we found a scorpion!!!” Gulp.
Unpopular opinion, but man, so much complaining from folks who have kids! I know, this is “playful” or “satire,” but at its heart, it is a gripe about how hiking is a lot harder with kids. If you aren’t prepared for everything you do to be harder as a result of the kids, you were kidding yourself when you had them. Please do us all a favor and stop whinging about a decision you made.
As a parent, I see it as an attempt to connect with other parents, and validate the feeling of “this is really hard, right?” I always remark to my husband, after spending time with other parents, that I feel so much better about the whole chaos of parenting. It’s nice to feel like you’re not alone, that your kids aren’t the only ones who drive you crazy; we’re going through it together and need to be able to laugh about it!
I echo what Barbara said. Two things can be true: wanting to have children and acknowledging that things are harder with them. I hope you feel that you are able to complain about decisions you made from time to time!
Corinda I get what you’re saying I do, but: While I having kids as is a decision on PERSONAL level, it is not a decision on a SOCIETAL level. Like, legit, someone has to do it, unless you, Corinda, want to be the youngest person left on earth and grow old and retire have no younger people around to drive your bus or Uber, grow or serve your food or be your doctor or caregiver. People who decide not to have children are entirely justified in their decision, but YES, your life is logistically and financially easier because someone else is doing the heavy lifting of keeping the human race going and society functioning. These people are allowed to lighthearrtedly complain from time to time.
Remember: You were once a child. Every adult ones. Until we start cloning full-blown adults, calling having children a choice is just… Well, it’s just dumb. Sorry, I said what I said.
*So many typos in my response: sorry! But you get the gist I hope. Somebody has to have children in this world and if you personally don’t want to, all you need to do is show a wee bit of gratitude that other people on this earth are doing the hard work that you don’t want to. That’s all.
To Embed, that’s…one way of looking at the world. All childfree people are selfish and parents are doing all the hard work that support all freeloading childfree people. With that attitude, gently, any wonder that there is some pushback?
What about “stopping to play for a minute” – “this is our house and we’re all dinosaurs…”
If it were up to my child every ten minutes we’d stop to play for half an hour. It’s agonizingly slow. Continuing to hike while playing or trying to work hiking into the game is…not ideal. There was that one time we were a dinosaur family being chased, which resulted in him trail running the entire second half of the hike. It was amazing. That one time lol.
Hmm… I think I’m a kid.
This map reads like my internal monologue when hiking, complete with the love for it at the end. My map would also have several stops for *picks wedgie,*complains about the weather *points out specific and surprising colours in nature *resents the weight of the water bottle *saves a leaf, feather or stick as a souvenir *loses leaf, feather or stick and along with all that; omnipresent *worries about deadly critters.
Guys. I grew up in Ohio and live in Illinois. What is the definition of a hike? Is it a walk with elevation? Does it have to be in a wooded area? Should I google local hikes (I’m sure they’re all fairly far away) and then drive there? What’s the appropriate ratio of driving time to hiking time with small children? It sounds like you all love hiking. I want to try it!
ADR,
Not an expert here, but I define a “hike” as a walk in nature where you take snacks! Candy even, whatever it takes. Also, kids MUST be dressed comfortably, as an itchy tag or cold ears are magnified x1000 in nature. Only you know how long is “too long” in the car with your kids, haha. For my kids, if there’s a lake or river involved, they will undoubtedly be happy. Yes, google hikes in your area, read reviews on AllTrails and just go! Happy trails!
I love hiking and hope you give it a try! I think of a hike as a walk anywhere in nature. Think beach hikes, desert hikes, wood hikes, snow hikes etc. Have fun exploring!
I’d say a hike is any type of walk in nature! Doesn’t matter the distance, elevation, strenuousness, terrain. Sometimes a hike is just a fancy name for a walk! You can even do urban hikes! For me it’s just about exploring. Illinois sounds like you may have some lovely prairie hikes! Sometimes a hike with my kid is 10 minutes, sometimes it’s a couple of hours (based on whether he’s walking or I’m carrying him and he falls asleep lol).
This past summer, we took the kids on a little hike recommended by the seasonal campers at a campsite where we were staying. When we told the manager we were going he joked “hope you find your way back!” Laughing like crazy. We asked “is it okay for us and our little kids?” He said “sure!” Cue two hours of being lost on a mountain with poorly marked trails (all the same orange square despite going up or down the mountain)! We had snack breaks, pee breaks, GPS breaks and also freak outs while lost. But my two little kids still talk about it as being the time they “climbed a mountain” lol to impress friends.
My family of origin didn’t hike, basically didn’t do anything physical. So when I married my first love being in the wilderness.
My eldest turns 20 today! Despite the whining, the bribing, the emergency outdoor pooping, wet socks from jumping over streams, etc, there has been a moment in every hike for the last 10 years (usually about 75% through) when the 3 kids take off on their own, chatting animatedly about SOMETHING (probably video games??) My husband and I hang back, I get teary and he takes a picture of the three of them, heads tilted together, bodies animated, outside in the tall trees and mountains and totally unaware of their parents. I have dozens of these pictures and cherish them!
I love this Jenny! I have three too, ages 5 months through 5 years. Glimpses into future stages like this make my heart swell.
We always hike. And bring vitamin C!
(Candy)
YES! I love her work and this one especially hits home. The only items I would add are bathroom breaks. They always come at really inconvenient times, and my daughter is notorious for an, “I guess I don’t have to go,” after we got everything situated (including the key squat position) and several bikers/hikers/dogs have already walked by.
Could add:
Waves at passing firetruck.
My daughters generally loved hiking, especially when fueled with trail mix and either hot chocolate or lemonade – season dependent. We had a couple seasons long break from hiking at one point and the next time out, my youngest (5)looked up at me as she walked beside me, sweetly holding my hand and inquired “Mom? Do we LIKE hiking?” She wasn’t quite sure if this was business or pleasure! It was hilarious.
i ask myself the same question every time i go hiking! lol
This:-) I’ve done a lot of hiking/entry-level mountaineering in my life and we always laugh about how it’s something you can absolutely HATE while doing it, but retrospectively LOVE as soon as you get to your destination/find some particularly blissful moment on the trail.
Do we like hiking? OMG I love this so much LOL
Our kid has wised up that the bag of little candies we dole out is in our pack *the whole time* and now wants the bag at the start of the trail. Too smart for her own (and our) good.
What about the “too urgent to wait for the next outhouse seemingly out of nowhere except for the fact that it’s been obvious to the parents and happens every time poop.” One of my kids is a professional at this, and my husband’s gotten good at helping him facilitate these fecal ….experiences and then bury it using sticks and whatnot. Omg. Gotta love how everything with my kids leads back to poop somehow.
We called this maneuver ‘being a bear.’ Boys especially seem to loooooove it.
Nailed it. 100%.
100% I bribe my kids with gummy bears on hikes. They love stopping for a “bear break.”
And fret not about bribery moms, as I’ve been absolved of guilt about this since I heard Cheryl Strayed share in an interview that she bribed her kids with gumdrops on hikes! The Queen of Wild and PCT hiker extraordinaire’s kids also needed sweet encouragement!
I second this. Bribe with candy 100% on hikes with kids.
Oh! Today, I was just on a 5-mile hike with my 6-year old & it turned out to be much tougher than expected. He was an absolute champ for three hours – with no snacks or complaints. While congratulating myself on having the best kid ever, I started wondering if maybe it’s totally normal, ha!
We did a 5-mile hike in Sedona a few years back, when our youngest was four years old. There were some complaints, but she forged ahead and made it. I think if you get your kid used to hikes/long walks young, they are possibly more accepting?
How do you accomplish this??? We have tried 1-2 mile (and honestly even shorter 0.5 mile) hikes with our kids. No candy or view or marching song or game of I spy is enough to keep them moving. Within 100 yards of starting they are always in crumpled heaps wailing to go home. Tell me your secret!
Oh my gosh I love it all, but that first snack break ~10 feet from the start! Just hits so hard!!
Our 4.5 year old got a toddler backpack and he prides himself on packing snacks for hikes – that has helped get him out the door! Not included is the older sibling whining in the car, the “we will have fun!” reinforcing from parents, and then, of course, both kids in the car after saying it was so much fun. As this very well may happen, do what I didn’t do and record it to show the next time a hike comes up. Because saying, “don’t you remember? you loved it! The rock scrambling…” falls on deaf ears.
My mom friend crew and I take our motley crew of up to 6 toddlers plus 2 babies (usually one family is missing thanks to colds) on trips to the park and walks on nature trails. One kid usually melts down (most often mine) and refuses to get out of the wagon to walk, one little one is declared the runner of the day who tries to escape the trail and society’s pressures, and both babies need a boob break or two along the way. The most consistent hiker in our crew is the youngest walker, who is about 1.5 and is happy to move with forward motion as long as she is plied with snacks. I am so grateful for these outings with my friends and their kids, even if we move with the speed of pond water and pushing four toddlers in a wagon back to the house feels like the hardest boot camp you’ve ever attended.
We’re a hiking family, and I HAD to share this with my husband. So spot-on! hahahahahaha
Snack break right out of the starting gate made me laugh so hard. Yep! Relate also to the seemingly benign stick battle, lol.
Would add at the exact halfway mark: “One child sits down and refuses to move further while another child declares they need to use the bathroom immediately (despite going to the bathroom 10 minutes ago, or for the older crowd, declaring 10 minutes ago that they definitely did NOT need to use the bathroom).”
Would also add at the exit: “Kids declare it was fun and ask why don’t we take them hiking more often” :P
Not to mention having to carry the kids the whole way?
My now 13 year old used to be the best hiking companion. When he was two we could walk up and down our local mountains for hours on end (obviously there were snacks – but they were always only fruit and sandwiches). But fast forward to last couple years and you would think it was a pure act of torture. One day though as I drove my son and his friend into the national park, I was explaining how therefore trees so fiercely windswept they looked like they were cut straight from a fierce fairytale when my son’s friend piped up with “I just think you should know that we don’t like trees quite as much as you seem to think we do”.
Between the bushfires, floods and ticks we’ve gotten out of the habit of regular long bush walks, something I really want to rectify.
“I just think you should know that we don’t like trees quite as much as you seem to think we do” – Ahahahahahaha.
Interesting, though, it was you son’s friend and not your son who made that comment. probably your son was quietly thinking that trees are that interesting. Lol
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