The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Received

The best relationship advice I have ever received is to love like you’re in your 60s.

I love this advice, I feel like it mirrors ” if he wanted to he would.” I think its super cute and romantic and I love that you didn’t spend too much time getting to the point!

After an epic 7-hour first date with my now fiance (we had met on a dating app, and this was our first time really talking!), we had left the first date with loose plans to see each other. We had gone out on a Friday night since I had plans the whole weekend, and then the following Wednesday I’d be traveling for a week. By the time I got home, he would be gone on vacation for a week. We exchanged phone numbers, and agreed to definitely connect when we both got home.

The very next afternoon, while I was off at a friend’s graduation party, he texted me and said “I had so much fun last night. If you’re not too busy, I would really really love to see you before you leave. Tuesday?”

And we met up that Tuesday! I told him I had only an hour for one drink, but it sneaked it’s way up to two hours. It was broad daylight in a busy downtown when I left, so we didn’t kiss. While I was traveling, he called me twice and we talked for hours. We both got home, we went on our third date, finally kissed, and we’ve been together ever since.

I love these comments! I read here a long time ago that you should marry someone you want to sit on the couch next to watching tv. The pandemic SURE made me realize I am so glad I am married to my husband. There is no one I would rather sit next to on the couch while watching tv!

Ah, yes! Wholeheartedly agree. My now husband used to drive from Tennessee to Southern Georgia almost every weekend (about 6.5 hours) for the first 6 months of our relationship. Moving heaven and earth indeed. 10 years later, he’s my person and I’d pick him every single time.

As for advice, I can only offer the advice of someone smarter than me (my mom) who always says “you teach people how to treat you” meaning, unfortunately people cannot read your mind so be explicit with how you’d like to be treated and what you need and you can only be disappointed by someone who fails to meet who you’ve asked them to be.

This is so, so true! When my husband and I first started seeing each other, he would drive all the way across town during rush hour traffic (and in Toronto, this is quite the trek) to see me at my condo, sometimes spend the night, and drive back to his end of the city to make it into the office. If you’re all-in, you’ll put in the effort! (We split the effort and I would take the subway all the way to his place which was 1 hour+ and sometimes 2 hours in afternoon during rush hour.)

“Efficiency is relatively unimportant in a good marriage.” He can load the dishwasher, clean the counters or pack a suitcase differently than me and that’s okay!

My husband told me soon after marriage, “remember that we are in the same team.” So for most conflicts, I had to consciously remember that it’s not me vs. him, but he’s on my side helping me deal with things. It changed our relationship!

Find someone who is a whole person who knows themself, someone who doesn’t need you but who *wants* you.

Toward the end of high school, I dated a guy who treated me badly and was really manipulative. I was in a tough spot emotionally at the time (not to mention quite young!) and my self-esteem tanked. In the process I made some deeply out-of-character decisions and alienated some close friends. One day as I was muddling through that time, my dad sat me down and told me about a tough breakup he’d had in college right before meeting my mom.

He told me that the “right” person for you is the one with whom you feel like the best version of yourself.

I love that, and I can’t wait to share the same advice with my daughters.

I read a comment on here a while ago that I repeat to myself and my best friend! “Be with someone who is kind and offers you a glass of water when you need one.”

After the first date with my now husband, he asked ‘when can I see you again?’, and I suggested he could come along to my stitch n bitch knitting group at the pub the next weekend, and he said, ‘that’s not good enough!’. It was really lovely in a moment we still talk about now, 14 years, a wedding, a four year old and one on the way-later. When you know, you know!

Just want to add this in case someone (like my past self) needs to see it:
I think it can be OKAY to be unsure about someone in the beginning of the relationship. Maybe you, like me, are just an unsure person by nature. I am a bit skeptical and doubtful of people who aren’t already my friends. This made it very hard for me to get excited about dating for like… a decade. I would go on dates and not feel wonderful about it and be counting the minutes until I could go hang out with my actual friends. It wasn’t until I told myself that that was okay not to be excited at first that I met and fell in love with interesting people. If I had initially judged my now-husband by the same standards I hold my friends to (namely: having zero doubts about spending time with them now and forever) I never would have had the chance to fall in love with him.

Best relationship advice :
If it’s not a yes, it’s a no.
If it’s a maybe, it’s a no.
If it’s a later, it’s a no.
If it’s not a YES, it’s a no!

This made me tear up! I recently left a marriage where I was not liked, respected or loved in a way that I received well. I’ve been dating someone for almost 5 months now and he has turned down so much work (including a chance to be a director of photography for house hunters!,) just to spend time with me. Time and time again, I have been shown that I’m a priority to him and it just feels amazing.

I was once engaged to a guy but had nagging concerns in the back of my mind. One day we were out on a road trip and stopped for gas. As he was exiting the gas station a frail, elderly woman was entering. He was in such a rush to get out the door, he unintentionally let the door close in on her. I remember seeing her crumple. In that moment, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew deep in my gut that we were not a good match. I think a majority of the time our gut knows long before our brain registers the message. The heart is always the very last to follow. Gut, brain, then comes the heart.

If you are chasing someone they are, by definition, running away from you.

The biggest relationship advice I have is something I had to learn the hard way, and that is the fact that you WILL always get over someone, even if that someone is a person whom you think is the love of your life. You are stronger than your worst heartbreak.

Put yourself first. It’s not selfish at all. I once dated a guy for years before he agreed to make it official. I definitely wanted it more than he did. When we broke up, we spent more than a year in limbo because he’d tell me that he still wasn’t over me, give me gifts, leave me surprises even though he was already dating someone new. He’d confide in me, make me feel like like we actually had another shot just to break my heart all over again. I said goodbye to him so many times, but I always ended up right back where I started. It was only when I really allowed myself to think of myself first, of what I really wanted, that I realized that this wasn’t it. I thought it was selfish of me to do so, to want something more, but it really isn’t. I realized that I wanted to be with someone who undoubtedly wants me and only me. No second guessing. No keeping their options open. Pulling away (and sticking to my guns) was difficult, but now, I can say that I’m very happy. As for my ex, he recently messaged wanting to get back together again. He’s now absolutely sure that I’m the love of his life (even though he’s allegedly still with that other person). I had no desire to rehash our history or make him feel worse than he already does, so I wished him well and firmly but politely told him that our time has passed. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t realized that I deserve to want something better—we all do.

My friend, who was working full time and getting her masters, broke up with her boyfriend because she was too swamped and had no time. I told my boyfriend (now husband) this because he was working full time and in the same masters program. He replied “oh thats just the excuse; they were going to split up anyway.” me “really?! why?” him “because I’m too swamped and I have no time, but being with you is what gives me a chance to breathe. You make hard stuff easier.”

“First become best friends, then partners.” Best advice ever!

I was 19 when I told my dad I was moving in with my first boyfriend to a new city just 6 months after knowing him. His completely not ironical answer?: “Great. It’s better to know if he’s an asshole sooner than later”. Happily for all of us, it was not the case and 12 years after we are still together :)

I think I read it in Lena Dunham’s book (spoken by her brother)- the thing with boys… either they like you or they don’t.
Also- where is the picture taken? I think I see my neighborhood in the background!!

This is all good advice! I would add: watch out for that drunk in love/obsessed/want them to like you SO bad feeling in the beginning. Some people are only good at the woo stage- the charmers, the people who magically know allllll the exact right things right from the start? My friend and I have become weary of this and when those feelings come in its a sign to say, “hold up! Wait a minute”!