Have a Loving Weekend.

In Philly, try Mish Mish. It opened in 2022 and is fantastic.

I love Zahav. Lots of veggie options and it’s so so tasty

Ginjan Cafe on E 125th St in Harlem is a great cafe with lots of vegetarian options with flavors of Guinea. In West Harlem, W 114th St, Melba’s is a delicious American Southern restaurant with plenty of seafood on their menu.

Philly: Barcelona Wine Bar. It’s tapas with tons of veggie options.
NYC: Lido, everyone I know that lives remotely close loves this place.

Very excited to answer this since I’m from Philly, live in Harlem, and am a pescatarian! Clay in Central Harlem is wonderful, and I’ve been eying W Sushi on the UWS and Sottocasa in Central Harlem. In Philly, Vernick, Talula’s Garden, Pizzeria Beddia, and Suraya are all stellar and super veg friendly.

Your comment reminded me of a This American Life piece from years ago about coincidences. One story is about a person looking through their new friend’s childhood vacation photos and seeing their own grandmother in the background of a photo. How neat is that?! Speaks to what you were saying about the depth of the background.

Agreed, Biljana. I was noticing that man and thinking how cool his blue vest is. Such a beautiful picture made interesting by context.

So true, and your comment reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where George discovers himself in the background of his new boss’s family photo on his desk!

Good point! Just FYI, I thought that guy on the right was pretty hot

I wondered about that man in blue in the photo too!

Agree! If the word of 2022 is “gaslighting” Isabel’s ex was a perfect example. Beautiful piece of writing.

I found this article to be so cringe! He’s not just an insecure man, he is being incredibly abusive using very common tactics. It wasn’t clear to me that the writer had fully unpacked it to that level and still seems to be reducing his harmfulness to insecurity and a desire privacy. Her conclusion is like “oh I just wasn’t respected by him so now I’m gonna write about it” felt so unsatisfying due to how angry I am with this man’s blatant abusive treatment of her. I definitely hope for her sake she’s unpacked this stuff outside the page and doesn’t go on thinking she’s the issue in this. But I agree with you – devastating to witness another woman going through a relationship like this at all.

Yes Lulu!!!! I was shouting in my head, “This man is abusive no matter which way you slice it!”

A commenter on here a few years ago suggested a book swap White Elephant and I have been doing one ever since. It is an annual highlight for everyone involved and has also inspired several friends to start the tradition in their own families! People bring a favourite book that they read in the past year, which I love because it is less pressure on people to bring the best book EVER and it results in some interesting picks. BUT your cookie party post got me thinking, wouldn’t the BEST holiday party be a book + cookie swap? Bring 2 dozen cookies (bought or homemade, no one cares) and the best book you read in the past year (new or, even better, gently used; wrapped so people don’t know what’s inside). Leave with a variety of cookies and a new book + holiday cheer! What could be better? Thanks again, CoJ… a classic “come for the blog and stay for the comments” pairing of ideas!

That’s such an interesting question Aria. I have three tight and long lasting friend groups (with a little overlap between them) that have lasted decades. The thing that bonded the groups first was circumstance in one case (attending college together), and shared passions in the other (rock climbing & art). My mother has a group of friends that she first met in a yoga class 35 years ago. They haven’t taken yoga together for years but they still meet up every other week for lunch.
I think the key to staying close is being willing to put in the time – get together, get on the zoom, respond to the group text… But, also forgive each other when someone isn’t available. The lovely part of a group is that when one person can’t pull their weight, others pick up the slack.
It sounds like you are good at the work part – good luck finding some of your people!

I want to be part of your group! You sound so wonderful!!!

I held together 5 people for a decade doing all the work (one of the five is my husband and one is my sister). We lost one to a different “bubble” during Covid who never returned. I have no idea how all of the people on here maintain long term group friendships.

A friend group I was part of formed around watching tv shows together – the great british baking show in our case. I think it helped to have something planned, that happened on a consistent and rather frequent basis, and that could still happen even if everyone couldn’t show up on a given week.

Oh Aria, I feel for you, and kudos to you for wanting to keep it going! I would honestly schedule regular contact…I put my friends in my calendar, and if I haven’t heard from them in that week/month, I reach out. I hear you for always being The Lead Organiser, so I suggest just casually raising it, such as “hey! I would love to see you all. I’m free on X dates, can anyone take the lead?” Hopefully that’s the nice way of getting someone else to step up.

Over the past thirty years, I have been in various friend groups based on neighborhood, our kids, yoga…. Just this past year, the year I turned 50, I find myself in a new friend group that came from an intensive meditation training with people who are from their 20s – 60s and it is the one that finally feels most like me. Keep creating those friend groups – there will come a time where one fits so well, you won’t feel the need to make another. <3

I hear you, Aria. I had tried to keep our high school group in regular contact. One year I suggested taking turns sending one picture a day, it could have been a beautiful photo, something silly, some activity, anything. It more or less worked out for about a year, but toward the end of the year people would forget their day and then it just stopped. I would have loved to continue it, but I guess it didn’t hold the same weight for them. In general, I find it hard to find friends that are open to a close friendship and I think a lot of people feel too vulnerable to initiate anything. I’d say if you really love the connection you have with a certain friend group and you can tell they really enjoy the time spent together then keep being the one to initiate because everyone might really appreciate you doing it and might be relying on you. But, if it feels like the group connection is gone, then I guess its best to let it run its course.

Oh my goodness, THANK YOU everyone!! I was feeling so alone when I posted that comment, and didn’t expect all this support.

My takeaways: a heaping dose of luck, a recurring event (possibly calendared in), a whole lot of grace, some delegation, consistently putting yourself out there and wholly experiencing life and remaining open to meeting people along the way — you’ll never know when/where your crew might be lurking –, and the wisdom to let things rest when they need to.

I was wondering this as well!

My friend sent me Isabel Kaplan’s piece last week. And she sent this matching piece saying it was the boyfriend: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nora-ephron-changed-my-life-really/2012/06/29/gJQAGH3MCW_story.html

My favorite part is that my friend sent these pieces to both me and her own mom. Her mom responded with this text: “Good for you young women recognizing that crap and telling others.” :)

Yeah I enjoyed that essay far too much because Isabel actually wrote something truly relatable and had to expose his fragile, glass-made self.

Kristen!!! That’s the kind of internet sleuthing I love! Thank you for posting.

In Kristin’s link, Isabel Kaplan’s ex definitely feels the need to let us know he went to Harvard.

OMG. I just read both articles.

So happy you’re done with him, Isabel! You’re an amazing writer!

I love Isabel’s writing: In any relationship, there is an expectation of privacy. There is also an expectation of respect. Violate the latter and you relinquish your right to the former.

Reminds me so much of my ex and the song “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift.

There are better partners out there! <3

Also – thinking about you, Joanna, and hoping your mama is doing okay.

Love to this community!

I have been wondering the same thing since reading Isabel Kaplan’s essay. Thank you, Kristen, for the genius sleuthing! Isabel Kaplan deserves so much better than that guy and will find it!

Wow, I read his essay and he sounds every bit is insufferable as I would expect the man described in Ms. Kaplan’s piece to be. He sounds so insecure and try hard-y that it’s no wonder he didn’t like it when she experienced career success. Good riddance.

Yes – for me, the mentions of holiday parties and get togethers is bittersweet since friends or I have moved away…

I’m so sorry, and a big internet hug to you Yvonne. I went to a high school friend’s husband’s funeral yesterday. It was so incongruous to drive there while Christmas carols played on the car stereo. Also, I’m a widow, and my husband’s birthday was December 13th, though he died in June eleven years ago. This year we have our first grandbaby to celebrate and it is so very bittersweet.

Sorry. I am sure it is very hard.

Although I am generally happy this time of year, I am acutely aware of peoples existence who are not. This is why it is important to hold those who have lost closer, and give to people in need! There are so many reasons this time of year can be daunting for some.

My heart also is aching at the recent suicide of Twitch Boss, and for his family’s loss right now. I don’t even actually know him, obviously, but have been crying off and on for a couple days. It’s a deeper sadness than usual for me….I suppose because watching him evoked an equally great amount of good/happy feelings.

Take care this season everyone. Peace and love 🌸

You must be new here.
Scroll back a week to an essay written by a mother who experienced the tragedy of a stillborn baby.
We see you, so loud and clear and that pain you have to carry around on a minute by minute basis. It’s so so hard, I understand. Sending you healing hugs.

oh yvonne, i’m so sorry. you’re right, the holidays can be so painful for so many people. i’m sorry you lost your loved one. i see you and i am sitting with you.

Yvonne, the holidays are hard for so many and I’m included in that club right along with you. With little kids and a husband, I still have to soldier on and do all the things and grief – like time – doesn’t stand still or care. So, know you are not alone. Cheryl – I detest the saying “you must be new here.” It’s both an insult and a hint to a superiority complex. Now if you had deleted your first line, the rest of you comment would have been kind.

I’m sorry for your loss, Yvonne. I just lost a family member and it’s just awful. Sending you a virtual warm hug.

Yvonne, I am so very sorry to read of your loss and grief. It is a truth I have come to accept that the more life we live, the more the days bring a spectrum of feelings and thoughts all together at the same time.
Our family just lost a father in law (on Thanksgiving day) and an aunt (last week). Both had been ailing, we knew their departure was imminent, but it’s still a ground shift. I am behind on many Christmas tasks, but whatever, I decided I don’t care about all that. It’s the people I want, and the sense of loss makes out time together seem especially precious. If it helps at all there are some terrific previous articles about loss on this site, with very poignant and thoughtful reader comments.

Sending you best wishes, and wishing you peace, love, healing, comfort, kindness.

Agreed! I love it when, as I am reading a piece of writing, it is clear just how good it is!

Agree–it was an incredible essay! And I think it encapsulated such a universal experience of dating straight men. Like… doesn’t everyone have this ex? I know I do! I only wish I could have published such an eloquent essay about what an a****** he is! Good riddance to Isabel Kaplan’s ex and all of the toxic exes!

I’m so sorry Sasha. I’m thinking of you, and your loved one, and your baby ❤️

Sending you so much, I lost my mom the month before I got pregnant and this entire journey has been hard but also showed me the beauty that is getting to live and love and to get to live through that love beyond the years we are on earth.

Hello Sasha, I’m so sorry for your loss. My friend went through something similar a few years ago and it’s just awful. There really are no words to say. I’m sending you a virtual warm hug.

Sounds like you are doing a LOT, Jeanne! Hope you are finding some time to put your feet up, too. Cheers to doing less in 2023!

Sounds like you are making a wise choice, and I applaud it! I was raised by a mom who never did much baking or holiday stuff, and it hasn’t stopped me for a moment from loving her :)