Gift Guide #2: Your Mom (or Mother Figure) Who Has a Soft Voice and Life-Long Crush on Niles from Frasier.

Aww, so many moms truly just want to feel needed. My sister-in-law called up my mom the other day to ask her for some parenting advice and I think my mom will be riding that high for years.

I’m 1000% cool with you putting this on your wish list and waiting… money can’t buy happiness but it CAN buy you wireless over the ear headphones which is literally the same thing. Hands down the greatest purchase of my life (and I say this as a person also fortunate enough to own a robot vacuum). Mom of 2 humans, 2 dogs. If no one gets these for you, please please treat yourself if you can!!

LOL – I literally sent my husband a link to a pair of Carhartt boots for me to get through my Maine winters! (And yeah, I’ll be buying them for myself asap!)

I bought their cashmere sweatpants ~2 years ago (so take with a grain of salt!) but they were TERRIBLE. Not soft at all and pilled immediately. I actually tried to write a review on their site and they never posted it.

I’m looking at Quince’s cashmere sweaters right now – they have a variety of not cropped options! Haven’t taken the plunge yet, but bought some of their alpaca sweaters and like them!

I bought a Quince cashmere sweater (the Mongolian cashmere crewneck) recently and have been really happy with it. Not cropped, very soft, feels more luxurious than the price. I’ve only worn it 3x though so cannot comment on piling long term but zero piling so far.

I like Boden for cashmere, they have a good selection of styles, including some that are not cropped. I recommend getting on the email list for sale info.

You might also check out Universal Standard. Their cashmere sweaters are perfection, and their size range is extremely inclusive! (And they’re very reasonably priced!)

Ditto. Love non-substance related recs. Appreciate this acknowledgement. :)

Love to you, Shelby, because I know this relationship and it’s tough. Xx

Amen and thank you for this Shelby.

SAME! As a non-drinker and mental health/substance abuse counselor it always concerns me that the wine-culture is glamorize/normalized so much (although I’ve noticed a down-tick in it over the past few months). Self-care gifts are my go-to gifts for my friends and family.

That is the most perfect candle ever.

My whole family is obsessed with the Frasier Fir! Even my dad, who is decidedly Not The Kind of Person to be into scented business got a hang tag for his car AND a separate diffuser for his office. Last year, my mom and I coincidentally gave each other the hand cream in our stockings…SO GOOD.

Fellow GR-Cup of Jo reader here and I LOVE YOUR STORE! Keep up the good work! I still get teary thinking about standing in line December if 2020 with hundreds of others to pick up my online order and a worker came out to thank us.

We did this with my family years ago and it has been wonderful!

I hear you! My adult siblings and I finally made the switch this year to doing a Secret Santa. Rather than all of us buying gifts for all of us, we “draw names” (because of distance, we did it virtually through elfster.com) and each of us has only one person to buy a gift for. We all include wishlists, but it’s so much less pressure because you only need to provide ideas for one person, and we kept the budget relatively low. Plus it’s fun to keep it a surprise until the exchange. I think that everyone was in agreement that trying to have gifts for everyone as adults is just too much! That being said, my husband and I still plan to buy gifts for each of our nephews and nieces because it’s just too cute. :)
I love your idea of planning a trip together, though! Best of luck figuring out whats meaningful for you family.

Great idea! I am with you.

We have been doing this for a few years in my family and love it! We did drawing names for a few years, but stopped during COVID because of family job losses. Honestly, I don’t miss it. So many of the things I want are either too expensive to ask someone else to buy or inexpensive enough to buy myself. We still buy gifts for all of the children, and the get together a are honestly more fun without so much time spent on gifts.

I’m all about less gifting! While I admire the effort put into gift guides, in my family everyone produces a list of things they want/need so there’s no second-guessing and nothing (hopefully) will end up unwanted. Every year I suggest we discontinue the thing entirely, but my nephew is only 5, so it would break his heart, but I don’t buy for my sister or brother-in-law. I do buy things on my mom’s list for her because she is terrible at buying things for herself.

I so wish my family would do this, but they are dead-set against it. My in-laws are obsessed with a huge Christmas with tons of presents. There are no children in our family and it is excessive. It puts a lot of pressure on my husband and me, and we also worry about his parents, who are spending way beyond their means. We have tried the conversation but it ended up backfiring–more gifts and they were very angry. Sigh.

Where you wrote “I am about to propose to my extended family….” I had to read it twice because I was so confused, before I kept reading! My mind raced through all sorts of scenario’s before getting to your point.

I come from a large family, and after shifting to drawing names, we’ve finally gone over to donating to charities. We rotate who pick the charity every year, and then everyone donates as they can.

I am the youngest in my family at 32 and we did this years ago. I love gifting don’t get me wrong but it ended up being a great relief for everyone involved. We now focus on getting together and eating yummy food (Our Australian Christmas has now morphed into a Thanksgiving Day-esque celebration and everyone is better off for it)

Alex, my in-laws were absolutely the same. After my SIL told me that I should buy her husband (after I asked, to be fair) a sweater, she then told me not to buy black, brown, navy, green, red, orange, pink, aqua, periwinkle or chartreuse — it occurred to me that maybe he didn’t need a sweater at all. She just really didn’t have any idea what to get him. But she had to say SOMETHING.

I’m exaggerating about the colors I listed, of course, but not by much! My impression was this: what an incredible waste of time and resources. And my FIL had a VERY nasty response — “maybe she’s too lazy to shop for her relatives but the rest of us aren’t”. By the way, he went Christmas shopping exactly once with my MIL after he retired…..and declared it was absolutely exhausting and he’d never do it again. We continued to exchange gifts for the rest of my in-laws lives. And it continued to be an incredible waste of time and money.

At this point I am attempting to make most of my gifts consumable. Wine, candies, soap, candles, tickets, donations— things that won’t clutter a person’s home and will definitely NOT get tossed into a landfill. Perhaps this would make gift buying more appealing to you? Good luck, whatever you do. Gift buying can be emotional on both ends. I hope you find an approach that fits into your life.

By the way, and just to be clear, the “she” my FIL was referring to as being too lazy to buy Christmas gifts — was ME. And it was particularly hurtful to me, as I had a reputation of putting a lot of thought into finding the perfect gift — and usually did. And all that went down the drain when I suggested we just buy gifts for the youngest generation. One must tread carefully through the minefield of gift buying!

we do an already read, Book Exchange. We wrap the book & draw names & give!

We’ve been doing this for a few years now and instead of shopping for adults we support a charity in our area where you are assigned a family in need to buy for. You get a list of specific needs/wishes… so if you still like shopping for others this scratches that itch while contributing to a really good cause and helps bring a bit of joy around the holidays to a family in your community.

Ahhh I wish I could get my in-laws on board with this! Every year I suggest that we skip gifts or just do read books or consumables, or a charity, they will do that and then still buy “just a few things.” Which are not. Gift giving is huge for my MIL (who also loooves shopping), and on the one hand it is so generous and kind that she wants to gift us but on the other hand it is just so. much. stuff. My husband has stacks of work shirts unopened in his closet from holidays past and my kids got so many presents last year we had to put away half unopened because it was too overwhelming for them. I wish the generosity could be directed in less material ways!

I support you!

Our family switched to a gift exchange (like a white elephant, but we aim for gifts people want) and never looked back. We don’t need gifts, but we do enjoy the entertainment.

The adults on my in-laws side have been doing a Trader Joe’s secret santa the last few years. Draw names via elfster, and then get like $25 worth of TJ’s goodies for your person. Fun consumable snackies, not a lot of thinking or stress involved. My friends and I do a mug exchange every year: everyone brings a nice mug (one they’d love to have themselves, but usually wouldn’t buy, like the cute anthro ones or sometimes ones with a snarky saying) and we do white elephant style gift exchange for them (drawing numbers, stealing, etc). At some point after several years you might end up with a lot of mugs, but I love my eclectic beautiful mug collection!

I second this. In case it’s helpful, I’m getting my 75-year-old mother a zip-up robe, long underwear, some books of poetry and a nice lipstick for when she wants to dress up. My dad always appreciates CDs of music he listened to when he was young.

Pru, do the older people in your life have hobbies, such as gardening, jigsaw puzzles, hosting, cooking, woodworking, or travel? I’ve found hobby related gifts (or gift cards) are usually appreciated.

I recently brought my 94yo grandmother a few issues of People magazine and she went CRAZY for them. She loved the celeb gossip and the crossword puzzle in the back. Who knew!! Now when I bring her a care package I send lots of good snacks and an assortment of magazines.

I do a pajama set each year. Who doesn’t love a warm and cozy pjs?

Ah thank you for the ideas. The hobbies have been done to death is the problem. But a robe is a nice idea for the MIL.

I’m considering a small weighted lap blanket for my 70 yo mom. Last year I got my folks “upscale” bed sheets. The blend of useful but slightly indulgent.

Does this elderly relative yet know the joy of a HEATED blanket?! We bought one for depressing outdoor COVID cautious get-togethers in 2020 and I am sitting on it right now as I work! I’m like a lil kitty cat in a warm spot of sun. I think this thing was like $40 at target.

ICEBUG boots are great for northerners so they don’t slip on the ice.

Socks! They wear out so evenone someone who has accumulated a lifetime of things needs them – and who doesn’t like a nice pair of socks? (especially if they aren’t someone who would splurge on themselves)

This year, I’m giving my mother a tissue box cover (because she likes attractive things but dislikes knickknacks but always has tissue boxes out) and my dad a portable power bank (because he’s been eyeing mine).

My husband doesn’t typically exchange gifts with his parents, which is another approach. Although if we drive out to visit, we bring fresh seafood (they are land-locked), which is a big hit.

My older mom has enjoyed getting adult coloring books!

So sweet! Congratulations! Hopefully someone gifts you a “nap afternoon” like I do for my sister during her birthday month! I go to her house, grab the kiddos and take them out for the afternoon so sis can nap/read People magazine/scroll. She looks forward to her birthday month every year and texts me in advance to make sure I haven’t forgotten!

M.E. I love this so much!!! You are an excellent gift giver!
For all of my nieces and nephews this year I’m doing a book+gift card theme based on their likes (for example my 10 year old nephew who loves basketball/games is getting The Crossover by Kwame Alexander and a gift card to a local arcade). Gives me a great reason to spend some money at my incredible local bookstore too!

I did a theme two years ago! I got each of my nieces and nephew a cookbook geared towards their taste and something to go along with it. For the niece who loves Mexican, she received The Mexican Home Kitchen (a CofJ rec) and a tortilla warmer. For the nephew who was three at the time, a beginners cookbook and whisk/spatula. He sends pics when he makes something! For the niece who loves sweets, a dessert cookbook and apron.

I usually get them experiences, but as Covid was raging, I gifted them presents they could use at home.

This year, we’re back to experiences.

My favorite stocking stuffer is a fancy organic toothpaste!

I give beeswax candles to every person in my family. I bought them in July and will send at the top of next month. My parents, my in-laws, my brother & SIL, my husbands sibling. When I finally landed on this idea I felt like I had truly unlocked a life hack that saves me so much time & brain space!

They are the safest/healthiest/most environmental thing to burn (as far as I’ve read) and they are so elegant. I also support our local bee/honey guy who makes them.

The treat to go with the coffee themed gift ideas for the guys: chocolate covered espresso beans. Someone above commented that idea, but I’ve also bought them for my husband in the past, and they’re a big hit. Warning: they’re really good, so it’s hard to limit yourself to just a small few at a time.

LOVE these ideas! I am totally stealing them for my 19 year-old nephew!

I think a good edible option would be making a gift basket of trader joes finds!

An extra long iphone charger!

My favourite white elephant gift is lotto scratchers! Inexpensive, fun activity for people to see them being scratched after, potential winnings! No trip to take people’s crap to Goodwill after.

Google Kikkerland wind up toy… I once brought one to a white elephant bc I had it laying around still in the box and it KILLED. People were so obsessed the game kind of dragged on because we forgot the rule about only stealing something once. Now it’s my go to.

A funny rubber duck? I found a Queen Elizabeth one at Walmart

My go-to for white elephants is a DVD of Bad Santa and fifth of Jack.

A very large, beautifully wrapped, multipack of toilet paper. Funny, cheap(ish), and useful!

Agree that lotto scratchers are always a hot ticket item at the white elephants I’ve been to!

Marisa beat me to it. Lotto scratchers! People of all ages love them.

I find local coffee beans + a local chocolate bar tends to be a hit in these situations!

tickets to an xmas activity-zoo lights, luminaria show..

My office used to do white elephant gifts. One year I brought a very large jar of Nutella, which was surpisingly not a hit! I also do a small gift card to the favorite nearby coffee shop. Most people give junk, which I cannot abide!

Caviar. A small container of it isn’t actually much money ($20ish, they have it at Whole Foods) and it’s kind of a hilarious thing to open at a white elephant gift exchange, especially if packed in a huge amount of ice.

My white elephant go to is a few packs of pretty blank cards or lovely thank you notes and a sheet of stamps. Always seems to be a hit as we all love getting notes in the mail or really any mail that’s not a bill and so the receiver has all they need to brighten the day of people they love.

Cate: Thank you so much for that idea!!!

Thank you all on behalf of another confused partygoer seeking a fun white elephant gift!

I don’t know what fancy fruit is seasonal for Christmas in the northern hemisphere, but the best white elephant gift I’ve seen here in Australia was a kilo of ripe cherries.

White elephants can be so fun that we always included a game of it in our holiday parties (along with a couple crowd favorite minute-to-win-it games)! I personally prefer when they’re not silly gifts bound for the landfill & also when a budget is set so the gifts feel of the ilk and no one feels shamed/upstaged/unable to show up because they can’t afford to participate. There can be huge value & entertainment in a $20 cap.)

Two things that I’ve bought myself on a whim (in the HomeGoods checkout line) and now don’t remember what life was like before the luxury of having them, are these:

A jar spatula
https://www.amazon.com/Tovolo-Flex-Core-All-Silicone-Long-Handled-Scooping/dp/B09FZF66F8/ref=mp_s_a_1_32?crid=3AG4U7LCET8UL&keywords=jar+spatula&qid=1668602382&sprefix=ja+spatula%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-32#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

A candle wick trimmer
https://www.amazon.com/RONXS-Candle-Accessory-Trimmer-Snuffer/dp/B08MPWR5NM/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2ISBK29VC2CDH&keywords=candle%2Bwick%2Btrimmer%2Bset&qid=1668602752&refinements=p_72%3A1248915011&rnid=1248913011&s=home-garden&sprefix=candle%2Bwick%2Btr%2Caps%2C115&sr=1-1&th=1&psc=1

(Of course, they’re available elsewhere but Amazon links may have the most accessibility for people to see an example of these items.)

I find myself remarking EVERY time I use these items…,“I wouldn’t say that I need these things, but I’m so glad I have them.”

I hope it’s a great celebration & an eventful white elephant exchange! Happy Holiday!

How about a gift certificate for a private lesson?

If $25 qualifies as inexpensive, I highly recommend Table Topics. I think it covers most of the above qualifications… except for edible. We love it!

I knew could count on the CoJ community with the best variety of suggestions! Thank you so much!!

My spouse and I work in the same office, which has a white elephant every year… and people know that we always bring the same items: he brings coffee beans from local shop + I bring a small house plant, which sometimes I even propagate myself.

Disco balls are always my go tos for this sort of party. They are fun, sparkly, festive and always apprecitated. I tell people that if they put them in a window they get gorgeous glow when the sun shines on them. An 8 inch is about $20.

I once took a plant as a white elephant gift and everyone went NUTS for it. Bonus is that in a worst case scenario of someone ending up with it who really doesn’t want it, it can be left at the office or regifted very easily!

last white elephant my extended family did I think at LEAST half a dozen YETI tumblers were unwrapped 😂

I once did a sourdough starter + a bread for this kind of thing. Was surprisingly popular though my husband thought I was crazy :)

Oh, funny. I saw everyone writing “scratcher” for lotto scratcher, and all I can think about now is my FAVORITE back scratcher. It’s a telescoping wand with a little metal paw on the end that scratches, and it’s wonderful. I even travel with it, because you never know when you’ll have a scratch you need to itch. I was just thinking this would make such a great inexpensive, thoughtful, and totally random gift.

A bamboo cellar and a box of Maldon Sea salt.
https://www.amazon.com/Totally-Bamboo-20-2083-2-Inch-Round/dp/B003PBHGHG/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=108VSHO6VXDHU&keywords=salt%2Bcellar&qid=1669370703&sprefix=salt%2Bcella%2Caps%2C109&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1

I would be!

I would not be either haha!

What the hell are “over” mitts?