Is There a Word for This?

Felt this in my bones. My baby is only seven months but that seven months snuck by so quickly.

My daughter will be 17 yrs old next month. I love watching her grow. It is an honor and privilege to be her mom. Yet, to be honest, challenging too. I had a professor in graduate school explain that it is typical for teens and parents to “but heads”. This commonly takes place when kids are getting ready for college or preparing to “fly from the nest”. In short, it is easier to leave when in disagreement. Upon return, relationships tend to mend and thrive.

My son turned 1 recently and I cannot hold back my tears as I think about how fast it’s going and mourn that I time is going forward and I will never get last month back. It is the strangest feeling. Before I had a kid, I wasn’t very interested in the baby stages, and was looking forward to the big kid era. And now here I am absolutely heartbroken that I can’t have a tiny little 6-month old forever.

I was watching a video of my daughter the other day, and she looked at me and said, “Mommy, are you crying?” and I said “No, but maybe one day when you’re grown up and I watch this video I will.” Then, like the little sage she is, she replied, “Oh, because you will want to re-start this day, and you will never be able to?” I mean…

I resonate with this feeling also. I have six children and this thoughts of their younger days sneak up on me. My oldest daughter is 26 and I’ll get a flashback in my mind’s eye when she was in third grade and wore a black leather shoe string necklace with a St. Therese of Lisiuex around her neck every day. Or, reading her aloud a book with her head on my lap. I’ll sometimes see my second daughter who is 23 having a tantrum at age 3 because her socks are not lined up straight across her foot. I have to put on and take off her shoe several times. Now, she is studying for a Doctorate. My third child, a boy, was a life and death delivery, he was sick a lot as a baby and very difficult toddler, he is now 20 and sweet as can be. I wish I could have known how wonderful he would be when I was in the middle of the night, draining his nose over and over because he could not breathe. It is so wonderful to see them grow up and thrive but these tiny flash backs that pop up are so bittersweet. I try not to be unkind to myself that i wished I had enjoyed them more at the time, but that gremlin does speak loudly. Thank you for the sweet article!

I couldn’t hold back my tears. We lost our beautiful son to melanoma at the age of 38. He was our first child so we had lots of time to know him, love him. He was always full of love and goodness. Such a joy! He adored his baby sister, was so attentive, loving and sweet to her. He always looked out for her as she grew up. Our family was close. We all enjoyed our time together, preparing food , biking, working together. It was perfect! We could not ever imagine he would get melanoma. He was the wisest and most careful of all of us. He couldn’t possibly be taken from us… but he was. And now our hearts ache deeper than you can imagine. Yes, sometimes life with young children can be challenging, exhausting…but to lose a child is the deepest pain you will ever know. Love your child. Realize that you could actually lose him.
Then you will never be the same.
We are grateful he left behind two young children for us to love and feel a little part of him. So sad they lost the best Papa ever…

J’ai ressenti exactement la même chose, chaque anniversaire je prenais une vidéo de mes filles. J’ai voulu les mettre sur CD pour mieux les conserver je les ai donc visionnées et rien que d’y repenser je pleure ce temps révolu… C’est à la fois merveilleux de les revoir et si triste que tout ça soit passé, loin et que jamais on ne revivra!

It breaks my heart. As simple as that. An actual pain and sense of mourning.

I feel this so deeply!!!!! It’s like I’m already nostalgic for the present, in the present.

It’s such a constant battle in my heart/mind. Having two young kids (now 5 and 6) has been SO EXHAUSTING. There are moments (hours, days) when I just can’t enjoy it – when all I need is for them to sit quietly watching a show on the iPad – which is exactly what they are doing right now. Funny thing is, that as I am enjoying this quiet break, I am practically tearing up at the thought of them growing up so fast, and how all the things that drive me crazy now (mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, MAMA, MAMA, MMAAAAAMMMMAAAAA!) won’t last forever and would seem like such a miracle to revisit someday.

That is such a thing and no one talks about it. My girls are 23 and 26 and I sometimes cannot look at their toddler photos because I tear up. They are both doing well (considering the pandemic) and are blessed with jobs and their own places to live, etc. so maybe we raised them well. But I still feel an ever so slight heartache when I think about how quickly those beautiful fun growing years were.

Yes, yes, and yes! It’s a feeling akin to grief – so equally filled with sorrow and happiness.

Another perspective…

I am looking at this phenomenon from WAY down the road…and I’ll tell you, it never stops. My 2 boys are 45 and 43…I don’t know how that happened. And, perhaps even more astonishing, my grandchildren will turn 16 and 13 in a few months. I try not to dwell on it, because in my case, it forces me to contemplate the reality of being much closer to the end than to the beginning. And that is a reality I choose to push aside…

I had exactly the same moment yesterday – I decided to charge my old phone – and there were tons of photos and videos.. I’ve forgotten were taken…
We had a such lovely afternoon remembering all the moments :)
And yes, that was what I felt
“While we’re so, so lucky that they’re growing up, each year passing is both a gift and a theft. ” So beautifully said. Thank you! :)

My baby is only 10 months old, but I feel this so much already. Sometimes when I am nursing him, I will browse his pictures on my phone and marvel at how little he was, and feel a little sad at how much he has changed already. I try to remind myself to live in the present and enjoy every one of these moments.

“While we’re so, so lucky that they’re growing up, each year passing is both a gift and a theft.”

Beautifully put.

Had to craft the “8th Grade Tribute” for my youngest of 3 today and found myself in the photos overwhelmed and “dizzy” from the passage of time. How could it be that it went so fast, and also that I was rushing too to get back to my office and catch the meeting. I know toddlers all day for more years on end would break me and yet it felt like a wasteland without them.

I feel this EXACTLY

Raise your hand those of you who have found yourself buying a too small piece of clothing for your child (one thinks one develops an eye for the right size, right?…) because of this subconscious fear:) I once almost cried of nostalgia and longing when I heard the happy baby sounds from a child in a public space, because it sounded exactly like my daughter when she was a baby. Oh to just for a little while hold my little bundle again, kiss the chubby cheeks and smell the faint smell of vanilla on the back of her neck. Of course I should try to get a grip here and focus on the present (my beloved daughter is now 11). But, you know, then the Abba song comes to mind again, slipping through my fingers all the time…. I guess we just have to surrender to this bittersweet phenomenon. And remember what Ibsen wrote: Eternally is owned, only that which is lost.

Oh this made me instantly cry! I am in that wild, crazy age with my 3 and 5 year old son where they are vulnerable and quirky and hilarious and as my son was talking me together in his adorable French accent I thought, I want to hold onto this forever. I don’t know the word for it but I know this feeling any time I look back at photos from when they were babies and toddlers.

I would say the German word for this is “Wehmut”-
translates to “restrained grief, silent pain at the memory of something past, lost”.
What I find strange is that even though I remember some of the phases being so, so hard (especially the sleep deprived first year), the Wehmut definitely is prevailing when I look at the pictures/ videos. (Not so much though that we would have a third.)

This post reminds me so much of your post about deciding whether to have one more child. As I am trying to make that decision and it has to be now or never, I think about how you said whether you really wanted a third or was it just that you wanted the sons you already had to stay little. That has stayed with me for years and when I look at my two, I don’t know the answer.

What lovely comments to such a beautiful post; I read them all with tears in my eyes! Over the past 8 years and three kids, I’ve had two (small) strokes and a (teeny) aneurysm. And it left me with a crippling fear of dropping dead from a third one. So I started journals for each child, writing down cute things they say and sweet moments that move me beyond measure. If ever I do drop dead, they will know I was there, watching and soaking them in, loving them with a bursting heart.

I was just talking about this today because I am moving and packing up my house and passing on clothes that have been through all 3 of my kids. As kids grow up, we let go of so many things.

There is a german word: it is called Sehnsucht. But there is a better portuguese Word for it: saùdades…