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Cup of Jo has been running for 13 years (!) so we’ve decided that every week, we’ll be highlighting one of the most popular posts from the past. Here’s one of our favorites, originally published on June 19, 2018…
For our best reader comments series, we’d love to have some girl talk. Here are 15 funny, steamy comments on everything from scheduling sex to what really happens on wedding nights…
On knowing what works for you:
“From water pressure and electric toothbrushes as a teenager to my bullet now, I’ve been grateful to have a fulfilling solo sex life. Solo sex taught me what I liked, and age has given me the courage to communicate it.” – Meghan
“I’ve never liked vibrators. The noise, however subtle, distracts me, so it becomes like having a lawnmower or electric egg beater in the bed. HOWEVER, I use my hands. I’d encourage everyone to learn to make themselves come through masturbation. It feels great to understand what makes you tick sexually and how the individual mechanics work for you.” – Tess
On wedding-night antics:
“We waited to have sex until we were married. We threw an afternoon wedding, so we would have plenty of time to ourselves that night. I was really nervous, so we took a shower together to relax first. When we did have sex, we were so excited that we gave each other a HIGH-FIVE during the act! We still laugh about that to this day.” — Rachel
“We danced until the end of our reception before stumbling back to our hotel. The first thing my husband and I did was plop down onto the floor and open all the cards and count the money, then we giggled and gossiped about guest antics (like the older lady with the see-through dress!). Then we washed our faces, changed into pajamas and slept so soundly that we were late to our wedding brunch the next morning. It was a pretty perfect night.” — Alejandra
On the power of pillow talk:
“My partner and I save all of our serious talks for when we’re lying naked in bed. There’s a vulnerability, an honesty, and a focus that seems only to be available to us when we’re laying side-by-side, skin-to-skin.” — Donna
On sleeping in separate beds:
“My husband and I sleep in separate rooms because of his intense snoring. Also, he’s a night owl and will often wake up in the middle of the night, open his computer and start working! As far as sex is concerned, I love going into his masculine room. I love his sexy charcoal sheets, dark furniture and framed black-and-white photos. Then I retreat to my bright room. And vice versa. We both keep necessary accoutrements in our bedside tables. It works for us.” – Laura
“I’m autistic, and it’s pretty common among couples where one or both partners are on the spectrum to sleep separately. Because many of us autistic folks have major sensory sensitivities and REALLY dig our alone time, co-sleeping often just doesn’t make sense! And I don’t know anyone who’s relationship is the worse for it.” – MT
On timing it right:
“We don’t go so far as to schedule sex, but I’ve been known to put it on the to-do list of weekend chores. That notepad sits on the counter, and it always makes us laugh to see ‘hot sex’ between ‘take recycling to the dump’ and ‘replace lightbulbs in kitchen.’ And it always gets checked off!” – Doña
“My husband or I will wiggle our eyebrows at each other and say, ‘Can I make an appointment for later tonight?’ and the other will generally respond, ‘I think that can be arranged.’ I asked him if he thought it was depressing that we had been reduced to making appointments, and he responded, ‘Making an appointment for a root canal is depressing. Making plans for sex is awesome.'” – A.
“My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I like taking the term ‘sexually active’ to heart: while we have sex about four times per month, we’re always very sexually active. We constantly kiss, touch and send each other sweet messages throughout the day. Also, never underestimate the power of a teenage-style make-out session!” — Jenna
On consent:
“I grew up in a Catholic family where we didn’t discuss sex, so my sex education came from peers, my Catholic school and Cosmopolitan Magazine. This situation has hammered home to me the need to educate my children, a girl and a boy, about what equates to consent: that changing your mind is ok; that asserting your decision clearly is good thing; and checking that your partner is consenting during your encounter is the right thing to do. Unlike my education, I will have open and honest discussions around sex and relationships, no matter how uncomfortable.” – Julia
“Pushing boundaries and having an element of surprise is part of what makes flirting and sex thrilling, but I worry about the assumption that asking for consent is unsexy. I’ve had experiences where I’ve been making out with someone, and he says ‘I’m really into this. I’d love it if we kept going. How about you?’ Having a partner who checks in doesn’t erase the thrill of the encounter; knowing that the person I’m with cares enough to actually ask for consent makes me more attracted, not less.” – Erin
On talking to kids about sex:
“We taught our kids the proper names for anatomy when they were one. My favorite story is from when my son was two. We went to a bakery to get a treat, and I read all the options aloud to him. I’ve always encouraged our kids to order for themselves, so he did: unfortunately, he asked the woman behind the counter for a ‘red vulva cookie’!” – Michelle
“It’s hard to initiate conversation with my pre-pubescent daughter (‘Mom, I already know everything, this is, like, so embarrassing’), so I’ve found it works better to leave books and pamphlets lying around. She’ll read them and come to me with questions a few days later.” – Nathalie
On always learning:
“I hope everyone gets a chance to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. I am midway through with a well-worn copy that has passed through the hands of four girlfriends. The author breaks common misconceptions and really makes strides to personalize and authenticate women’s sexuality.” – Jessica
What would you add?
P.S. 14 great reader comments on dating and a surprising sex tip.
(Top photo by Heather Hazzan for Land of Women.)
