Have a Delicious Weekend.

Why are they sketch? I was under the impression they were a good company…but I would definitely like to learn about what’s going on. Will you let me know an article or resource? Thanks

I strongly endorse really old books for escapism! There is a blog I love that does reviews of public domain (generally, 1923 or earlier) books: https://redeemingqualities.wordpress.com/ There are sometimes “spoilers” in the reviews; it has never mattered for my enjoyment of the books. She’s absolute gold for clearly identifying the good things and the not-good things about each book, though, so that you can pick the ones that match your personal preferences.

On the more recent side, you can take a blogger you like and go alll the way back to the beginning on an archive trawl. (I know someone who read I-don’t-even-know-how-many years of Amalah while up at night breastfeeding.)

Or find a series you like (Maisie Dobbs?) and plow through them in library ebook form. I do find that having books set well in the past is most helpful for me when working on not stressing about now, and books also written in the past work better for me (Maisie Dobbs has a lot of concepts imported from “now” which distract me), but mileage may vary.

Thank you, Jo!!! I shall spend my quarantine perfecting chocolate chip cookies. Pretty solid goal, I think. My husband is equal parts excited and concerned about his waistline, since we can’t share the food we make… ;)

Should say, “to doing so again tonight.”

That sounds really hard! I hope he’ll turn a corner and realize that you need him too.

Rmb,

That sounds so stressful and hard- you have so much on your plate. I’m so sorry. Do you have a link to your business you could share?
Please be kind to yourself during this time.

Dear RMB,

I‘m so sorry to hear about your financial and thus probably existential worries around your business and your husbands loss of income.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you two right now. I can also understand why you‘d feel resentful towards your husband. Great that you can acknowledge his feelings. But that doesn’t make yours go away.
Who does all the things you listed (planning meals, filing taxes, doing laundry etc.) in your usual life? Maybe he‘s used to you doing all these things? Sounds a lot like you‘re carrying the mental load.
Anyway: maybe you could write im a todo-list? His depression might make it hard for him to take action. But maybe having a concrete task to tackle will make it easier.
And in the longer run could make him feel less useless.
I wish you all the best and may you get through these hard times.

Hi RMB,
I hear you. I am in my home with a family of five…..three teenagers, my husband and me, but feeling very alone. Our differences are shining brightly right now. I have had many moments of panic when I think about the future. I am available to talk by phone or email to help uplift you or just listen (it is my superpower). Let me know. I am sending you many prayers today.

That all sounds very challenging and I can understand why you would feel overwhelmed. I wonder if you could find a way of communicating the idea (without screaming) to your husband? It might help empower him and help him feel less depressed if he knows that he can contribute in meaningful ways by helping you and the household. Perhaps create a list of things that need to get done, and tell him you really need his help, and which of these things could he do “today”? If you have a hard time saying it, perhaps take this comment and re-write it as a letter. You don’t even need to focus on the anger, but just on the fact that you need his help right now and list the things he could do to help. Good luck. These are such unprecedented and difficult times.

Oh Rmb, it does sound frustrating and it must be really hard to know what to do. Thank you a lot for sharing Rmb, we’re in this together and reading about other experiences makes me feel less alone. I wish I could send some comfort your way.

No advice or answers for you. Just wanted to say thank you for putting into words the struggle so many of us are feeling right now. It’s brave, and it’s necessary. I’m keeping you and your husband in my thoughts.

Dear RMB, I am so sorry for the load weighing on you right now. I don’t have wise words that might make things feel better, but know you are not alone. Xo

I have no answers, but just wanted to let you know that I see you. And you’re doing a good job.

Dear RMB, I too want you to know that you are not alone, though that’s likely cold comfort in a difficult situation. Could you possibly schedule a business meeting of sorts with your husband? Explain that these are exceptionally challenging times, and you do empathize with his job loss, and that we’re all struggling, but the only way we get through is together. Present a detailed chore list of what needs to be accomplished in your household, and divide it up appropriately. Everyone has a job to do, and a timeline in which to do it.

I know that everyone’s situation is unique, and everyone is dealing with this crisis in a different fashion, but for myself I’ve found that order and tidiness and routine have helped me immensely. Sometimes when I feel that I might collapse under the sheer weight of the world’s collective suffering, I just try to think of the next thing I should do. Is that to unload the dishwasher? Is it to make a pot of soup for supper? Should I water my seedlings? Maybe write in my journal? Whatever the next thing to do is, we all have to find it. And then the next thing. And the thing after that.

I know this might be of little help to you, but please know that I am thinking of you and sending you a thousand virtual hugs. We will all get through this. And we will be better and stronger for it. Wishing you all the best.

Sending love!!! This too shall pass! I know it doesn’t feel that way. But it will. I promise. I’m so glad you expressed yourself here. I am wrapping you in a big virtual hug! I listened to a podcast today that described a scarcity mindset and a mindset of abundance. She reminded listeners that many successful businesses were born during difficult times. You and your husband are creative, resourceful and full of grit (I don’t know you but to set up your own busKnees and to work as a 1099…you guys know how to hustle and work hard). Take walks and get some fresh air while you brainstorm or meditate. We are in this together ?

This is very insightful. With the coming weeks (months?) ahead I will make a point to practice this some everyday with my school-aged kids. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you.

1)The parent said they (mom and dad) are both still working outside of the home, so that adds a whole layer of difficulty.
2) People process things in different ways, and I’d encourage us not to judge someone so harshly. Teaching out of the home is truly not everyone’s calling. She sounds like a loving mom who spends lots of time with her kids and helps them learn in other ways.
3) In these challenging times, we might have to accept that kids will be a little behind and have to do some catching up in the future. And if we are all careful and responsible, hopefully kids will have a lifetime ahead to do that catching up.

I 100% agree with you. I read the article with full incredulity. Nice try to attempt to put down pro-active, caring parents who are trying to maintain a routine for their kids during a wildly distressing time. It was the dumbest, most head-in-sand thing I’ve read in some time.

‘What’s so important that you do while staying home? And what’s more important then your children’s education??’ Some families need to keep their job so that the kids keep a roof over their head. I am working from home and juggling the million different assignments sent by the teachers and i can tell you it is not easy. I keeping seeing all those articles about watching opera performances and catching up on reading but my experience so far has been very busy.

Thank you so much for this – my husband’s family loves codenames and this could be the way we hang out together from far away (two of the three families were going to be visiting over spring break)!

YES TO THIS! Just yesterday I emailed this to my girls’ principal and their two teachers:
Hi XX, XX, and XX,

I hope you are all doing well as we navigate these stressful times. I know for me and my family, it has been extreme. My husband and I are small business owners, and that alone has created a good chunk of our stress. We employee over 20 people, all of whom rely on us for paychecks and income. This past Monday I thought we were closing down, then Wednesday we were going to explore reduced hours and supplementing wages with EDD’s Work Share unemployment insurance. Then last night (Thurs), I had to text everyone and say “we’re closed, you’re laid off, don’t come in tomorrow” (HORRIBLE!). THEN, today, we learn that our industry (construction, we own blueprint shops) has been classified as essential, and we CAN operate. Hooray!

So I am managing all this during the day, on top of regular production/shop logistics/admin tasks – my daily duties – and then, then I return home to my amazing children, and I put on my “happy mom” face, and try to just BE with them.

I truly appreciate all the emails and digital resources that have been shared with us parents – it’s amazing! But some of us parents are stretched VERY THIN right now b/c of our profession. So for me, the feeling of adding “teacher” to my already way-too-long title (Woman, Wife, Mother, Business Owner/President, Cook, ETC) right now is A LOT. And I have to let it go. I HAVE TO be okay with the fact that I haven’t yet had the energy or mind-space to click on any link or app or webinar. I printed some math worksheets for girls, I made a daily chart for them to check off what they’ve done (reading, math, journaling, art)…..and that’s helping us.

And I just want to share my perspective. I don’t want anything to change, I don’t expect anything to change, but just sharing another perspective – maybe there is an opportunity here that some “social forces” could remind us parents that we ARE always trying our best, and that alone is good (great!) enough…..

Just a thought….from a woman/mom/wife/biz owner/”teacher” who is VERY glad it’s almost 5pm on this Friday!!
——————
One teacher replied with such amazing words and positivity and acknowledgement. I already feel better.

This is a great perspective from a teacher. We are a homeschooling family and have been for 4 years now. It takes a while, but you learn that home learning doesn’t have to look like school. It needs to look like a family, your own family. It can be beautiful and fun. And my kids actually learn…don’t worry. Read books together, watch movies together, go on walks…slow ones. Let them soak up this time with family, it will feed their souls.

Thanks!

Thanks Tracey, it’s beautiful!

We can call it whatever we want. We are all doing what’s best for our kids, though, so don’t judge and we won’t judge you.

Lauren, I hear what you’re saying, but as a “true” homeschooler (i.e. for the last three years I’ve been doing the whole shebang: curriculum, the lesson plans, etc.), I’m perfectly fine with everyone referring to themselves as “homeschoolers.” One of the biggest challenges of homeschooling is having everyone together all the time. ALL. DAY. LONG. It’s intense. Let’s not split hairs.

I greatly appreciated the NYT piece, because it highlighted how hard this all is. Life is full. A little too full. It is a-okay to give up on certain things or admit that you’re tapped out. There is no “failure” in that. We cannot do it all, or do it all perfectly, and we certainly don’t have to meet everyone else’s expectations.

To all you parents facilitating your child’s/childrens’ education (whatever we want to call it): If I were in your boat, I’d let it all slide. No disrespect to all the teachers who have busted their butts getting all these lesson plans out! But I think we’d all do well to enjoy being together during this unique time. The world will not end if they putz through the last quarter of second grade. Their multiplication tables will be there next fall. There is so much learning to be done in living and relating. Plus, the kids are stressed, too. This season of emotional expectation of “What will happen?” is really exhausting for everyone. Emotional stress shuts down the ability to learn. Literally. Parts of the brain stop working. The kids are better off playing. Or being read to. Or taking a bath in the middle of the day.

We can all only take so much: WFH, pray that Zoom doesn’t crash, wonder whether we’ve been exposed, take care of the household (laundry, food, TOILET PAPER!), make sure the kids don’t kill each other and/or watch obscene amounts of TV, video games, stay in touch with elderly neighbors, scold our parents for leaving the house. . . the list is endless. Let’s all give each other (and ourselves!) a little grace, and remember to BREATH :).

Yes, of course you can call it whatever you want. But this past week has confirmed for me that I would be completely overwhelmed by real homeschooling and I feel like there needs to be an acknowledgement of how huge it is to do it for real. I hope your time at home with your kids goes really well.

Beautifully said, Roxana <3

It is a different homeschool experience in that parents had maybe a weekend to prepare for it. If I homeschooled my kids outside of all this I would have needed several months of research and planning, and the highlights would have been field trips to museums and science centers and zoos and everywhere else. Given our situation my kids and I are doing the best we can and I’ve already seen a lot of progress at my homeschool.