Together or Apart? When You’re Newly Dating During Quarantine

Imagine this: You’re newly dating someone — going out to dinners, flirting over text, wondering if it’s too early to get them a birthday present — when, all of a sudden, the world goes into quarantine. The begged question is extreme: Are you going to be totally apart or never leave each other? (It feels like a Bachelor moment.) What are couples deciding? We talked to four about how it went down…

Amaiha (and Lee)
Dating for six months
Decided not to quarantine together

We’re both single parents, and, before the quarantine, we had just introduced the kids. Now, it was like, what do we do? We’re not at a point yet where we should really cohabitate. The kids are 10 years apart, so I just thought it would be a lot.

Being apart sucks because you want to keep the momentum going. We’ve completely fooled around virtually — and it’s kind of fun. I also happen to be a very corny person, so I’ll make art or send Spotify playlists. Who doesn’t want a love note? Who doesn’t want a song? Who doesn’t want someone to send them a photo of the moon with a note that says, ‘look up’?

This situation has rapidly intensified the ‘I love you’s — when you’re vulnerable, you want someone to care for you and hold your hand, even if you can’t really hold it.

Ryan (and Anna)
Dating for three months
Decided to quarantine together

We’ve been holed up in my apartment. We call it ‘HQ1,’ and her apt is ‘HQ2.’ It’s been like playing house, which is actually a pretty common feature of any new relationship — this period where you nest and lie in bed all day and read together and watch movies together. But now we’re forced into that. I think we’d be doing it anyway but it’s tricky to know, and we both talked about it — are we playing a role here, are we really doing this? What’s going on? And I can’t really say. But it’s been fun. I can be lackadaisical and she Cloroxes the shit out of everything.

For the first few months of dating, we saw each other once a week; now we’re seeing each other every day. It feels like we’ve reached a comfort level you’d usually only reach after a year. She’ll walk around and say, I can’t believe we’re already peeing with the door open!

Alison (and Michael)
Dating for a month
Decided not to quarantine together

I’m social distancing, working from home, going on walks six feet away from people; but his business is still open so he’s not quarantining. So, we can’t see each other. It’s been a lot of FaceTime and texting throughout the day. How many weeks will this be? Will there be months of not seeing each other?

When you’re in a new relationship, you’re usually carefully choosing your words and telling funny childhood stories. Now we get a dose of the mundane mixed with the wild. We’ll have the phone on and talk for an hour and one of us is opening mail. There’s not a purpose other than to spend time together. Then we’ll have deep conversations — like, what are we going to do after all this? — that are usually taboo early in dating. It’s like Love Is Blind. We’re dating in the pods!

Katie (and Sam)
Dating for four months
Decided to quarantine together

We’re staying at his place. At first, we were eating dinner in bed, watching TV in bed… and then you think, oh my gosh, what did I do with my day? So, we developed a routine. We get up at 8 a.m., make coffee, go for a walk, start work, etc. We’ve also gotten into tackling recipes, like pasta carbonara and rosemary pork chops.

It’s weird to think we’ll be living together for the next few weeks, when before we saw each other only on the weekends. But it’s like, pandemic, bring it on. Let’s see what it has to teach us.

Thoughts? Are you newly dating someone? What did you decide to do? It’s such a once-in-a-lifetime situation!

P.S. My sister’s awesome dating tip, and 14 great reader comments on dating.

(Illustration by Alessandra Olanow.)

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Gara

January 1, 2021 10:38am 10:38 am

I’d love an update on what happened to these couples!

Adrienne

Reply to Gara

February 5, 2021 3:53pm 3:53 pm

I just read this post, and I had the same thought. Especially the last couple (“It’s weird to think we’ll be living together for the next few weeks[….]”).

Joanna Goddard(@joanna)

Author

Reply to Gara

February 5, 2021 4:48pm 4:48 pm

Update: The first three couples broke up, and the last one is still going strong!

Sherry

Reply to Gara

February 5, 2021 5:12pm 5:12 pm

Hello! I’m still going strong with my guy since August 22, 2020! We connect on so many levels: music, food, politics, film, cycling, hiking, non-religious, family oriented, we both have a small dog. It’s crazy to think, at least for me, that I met my now bf on Bumble. Never in my wildest dreams I would have thought that this could be possible, especially during the pandemic. I hope everyone else is doing well with their new “love”….and yes, he’s already said the 3 letter words. It’s crazy and honestly ….feel so lucky! ?

Megan

September 21, 2020 4:18pm 4:18 pm

I have been hanging out with this guy for two months. We were very casual friends before and didn’t hang out much. I wasn’t expecting or trying for our friendship to increase to something more, but it did. We have been out together multiple times, he’s met some of my friends, he’s asked em to tag along for guy’s night so I could meet his friends, and we’ve had multiple pool days just to hang out together. He talks about things he’s “needs” to cook for me for things we need to do “together.” HE has been the one to ask me about my thoughts on having children & life goals. He ended up getting a promotion and has to move in about two months. He has asked about my past relationships & made a point to ask about my thoughts on long distance relationships. Even with his new place, he talks to me about what it looks like and says that I’ll have to come and visit. He went back home last minute for an event and invited me to hop in and come along with him. He was going to wait until I got off work ,but I couldn’t make it work within a few hours notice. He told me that we would plan another weekend to go back to his hometown together. He went back home for the weekend and I didn’t hear a single thing from him & still haven’t in almost 4 days. Two weeks ago he told me he was “smitten” with me and even sent a song that reminded him of me. He also opened up about his past relationships & how he’s been single for a while and never settles down because his work has him move a lot. (This is when he mentioned my thoughts on long distance). We haven’t had the conversation about if we are officially dating or not, or where in the world he sees us, and & haven’t asked him so I don’t freak him out. I’ve just enjoyed being around him. Soooo What in the world happened? I haven’t heard from him at all for almost 4 days, when we never went longer than a day communicating. What do I do now? I was thinking about asking him where he would like to see things go once he moves, but now I’m scared to mention anything at all.

lily

September 13, 2020 5:39am 5:39 am

met this amazing guy, was talking for a few weeks then started seeing each other every few days for another few weeks. he stayed the night at mine, visited me at work, (met my family!) then we went into total lockdown and he moved to europe to get away (he’s not a local and has a dutch passport). we’re still talking quite regularly and i have plans to visit when international borders open but god i miss him, and i’m scared the six or so months apart will irrevocably change things.

Erin

May 14, 2020 8:19am 8:19 am

My boyfriend and I hit our 6 month mark of dating when the quarentine happened. We went from seeing eachother basically everyday to nothing. He was never much of a phone user, we’d barely talk ot message on it during the day but we would talk in person non stop. We both are in our mid to late 20s and currently live with our own families who are immune compromised so we didnt have moving in together as an option. Moving into an apartment just because of the pandemic just to be able to see each other just didnt feel right. When I move in with someone I dont want it to be because of pressure from a socially killing disease.

We live 10 minutes apart and we will social disgrace hang out outside every so often but I know for me it’s not enough. Hes been trying to be more engaging with phone calls or messages which is great..but I still feel like it’s not enough. Like he could do more and we’ve talked about that, but are those things really end the relationship worthy? I dont know. If it wasnt a quarantine these things wouldnt be issues but now its put us in basically a long distance relationship against our will.

I know there are people out there who have it worse or better than we do in our little situation. We are just one couple out of so many affected like this and it isnt fair to put our families or others at risk just because I want to simply hug my boyfriend. So we havent. It’s going on 3 months now.

I just… I guess I just needed to vent that. I didnt mean to come off selfish. I hope someone out there can understand. This whole pandemic and the situations its created for us socially is unprecedented, scary and just emotionally charging. I cant wait for it to be over and for everyone to be okay.

Erin

Reply to Erin

May 14, 2020 8:21am 8:21 am

*I meant socially distance hang out

Will

May 13, 2020 2:38am 2:38 am

I guess no one will see this, so I’m going to just tell my story.

I met my now ex-girlfriend in November and it was amazing. We were sort of local long distance (2 hours) and we started to stay with each other over the weekend pretty much every week to two weeks. Everything was right, organic assurance, communication, and affection. She was special.

4 months in and I asked her to be my girlfriend; she said yes and I was ecstatic! We had plans to go to NYC, weddings, and other out of state vacations. Just 1 week in and the quarantine hits hard. Our NYC trip cancelled, and physical distancing meant I couldn’t see her. She also has type 1 diabetes and so the fear was compounded.

1 month into quarantine (end of March) we had been calling each other every day. It was so great to have that because I adore quality time, but she was starting to wear thin from her remote work, needing time to herself, her family and friends.

I tried to comfort her and compromise in telling her that it was ok if we didn’t talk every day. We would talk every now and then and have the occasional video chat. During the span of April, she was becoming increasingly exhausted from work and began feeling weak. I tried to give her as much space as she needed, sending her gifts and giving her words of affirmation. I sensed a drop in libido. We were unable to have intimate calls or video due to her living with her family and being on the first floor. She was waiting to move into another part of the house due to incomplete construction.

I felt a growing distance that bothered me, but I wanted to assure she had space to keep up with her self care. I encouraged date ideas and things that could spice our mundane circumstances. They all fell through.

I had been reading articles non stop on how to make things easier for us during quarantine and read communication was key. I had the talk about what she felt about us. It quickly turned into a talk about how little time she had for me and how she wanted to be better. She also revealed that she was pretty sure she contracted COVID-19 and was recovering from it. Dealing with thoughts of mortality, work stress, and family priorities left no room for me.

I was devastated and could only accept her desire to separate. My first thoughts were to let her go, because she made her decision.

I’m torn between wanting to work things out and letting her go. Why can’t we get through this? She is so special to me and I feel helpless.

It has been one week since the break up and I wish I had fought for her. She made it clear that she cares deeply for me, yet I don’t understand why we couldn’t have taken steps to talk through it. We had such great momentum until the quarantine sunk in. I feel destroyed.

I think, maybe she had no energy to remain interested in us. I can’t help but feel she may have just lost interest and couldn’t tell me. I honestly rather have the brutal truth then be told something sugar coated. It would allow me to move on much easier.

How does love survive quarantine, especially, when your primary love languages are quality time and physical touch? I envy the couple’s who are able to persevere. Good luck to all the lovers out there…

Sherry

Reply to Will

May 13, 2020 5:10pm 5:10 pm

Hey Will, thank you for sharing your story….I know you mentioned about bringing up the talk about how she felt, but did you express to her how you felt? About her…about the two of you, about your feelings? Did you ask her the following to your statement that you shared on your post? About being brutally honest….Have you called, texted, contacted her in any way since the “breakup”? Curious, when you two had spent nearly every weekend together, were the visits always at your place?

Sherry

May 8, 2020 9:13pm 9:13 pm

New fan of “Cup Of Jo”, which I’ve discovered recently during these unusual times. I can’t believe I’m about to share this…met someone over Bumble on March 26th (I know, a dating app, who would have thought), we connected pretty well within a week, actually connected quite well. We took our conversation off the app to texting within 4 days. We texted daily, spoke on the phone, send pictures of each other, some old and some new. We have shared about our previous marriage, life, interests, food, hiking, etc. This whole quarantine has kinda been a silver lining – really getting to know someone, being vulnerable at times, actually have a conversation…
As we talk about meeting in-person once the Stay At Home has been lifted, I am not only excited but nervous as well. I’m 52, single mom, 2 daughters, ages 18 & 20, the 18-year-old lives w/me. I hardly dated in the past due to work, placing daughters first and just extremely picky. Now that my girls are young adults, felt what better timing to give the dating app a shot. Wish me luck people…this is my moment of YOLO! ;)

Maria

May 6, 2020 9:18am 9:18 am

I’ve met a guy online just before the lockdown and the fact of not being able to meet and have our first date face to face has only increased the curiosity and desire towards each other. Nothing can be certain these days and exactly that is making this relationship’s momentum last longer! We keep each other’s dopamine levels high by sharing stimulating pics of ourselves and cheer up with sweet messages whilst having a glass of wine. I can’t wait to meet him but on the bright side, avoiding physical contact so far has not only given us the right pace to get to know each other but also has increased the chances of building a more direct and sexier relationship. Anyone else experiencing a soothing whilst sexy relationship over apps?

Sherry

Reply to Maria

May 8, 2020 9:18pm 9:18 pm

Wow Maria…I just read your story! We have similar stories!!! I would love to hear what happens after these commercial breaks (meaning once you two have met, lol). Good luck to you! :)

Kate

April 20, 2020 3:49pm 3:49 pm

We’d been spending all our time together (except for the 1 month he was in Dubai and the 10 days I was on a silent meditation course) and I was always staying over at his place (it’s right across the street from my office! Was my original excuse to myself)

He mentioned moving in together and I said it was something we could begin discussing in May (after 6 months). Well, it was 4 months in March and I officially moved in. Oddly, loving every minute of our time together :)

Lyneth

April 17, 2020 6:24pm 6:24 pm

I’m in a pretty weird situation also..
I met this guy in january and we’ve been really into each other.. we’re not boyfriend or girlfriend because when we met we just wanted to get to know each other better but this lockdown came and it was also very good.
Last week his mother caught the Covid19 and understandbly he’s been more quiet and distant.. I’m trying to give him space, like all the space he needs but.. I’m really afraid.. I worry alot about his mother of course, but I’m afraid that this thing we could have might die in between.. And I just feel very selfish sometimes because I don’t know how he is, and I’m just waiting for him to say something..
Well that felt good. Stay safe guys

Stephanie

April 11, 2020 10:58pm 10:58 pm

I am 54. Met a man on line 2 weeks ago. We are both in the same line of work and have many things in common. So we had a social distancing 1st date walk in the park and sat under a tree maintaining proper distance. We talked there for four hours. Now we want to see each other again and will do the park and a picnic. At my age I really never thought I would meet anyone again. We are considering after this date to have a none distancing one after. He lives alone and doesn’t Work outside of home. I have a 17 year old who self isolates anyway. And we only go to our local groceries about once a week. Am I crazy to want to do this? As it is I have only dated once since my divorce 5 years ago…..and that guy died 3 years ago. I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity for a possible really good relationship.

Lyneth

Reply to Stephanie

April 17, 2020 6:26pm 6:26 pm

I think that’s just beautiful! Do what you’re heart says but keep in mind the risk always.. just be safe outhere!

HPLess Rom antique

Reply to Stephanie

April 27, 2020 7:20pm 7:20 pm

Stephanie:
I am in the same situation with a new romance. We met online and quickly hit it off. Had 3 zoom dates then social distance date in the park yesterday. She is very cautious, going so far as being cautious with her identity online (leave it at that) , which I totally respect because she is a high-value individual. Anyway, here in California our governor just extended the SIP for at least another month and hinted for substantially longer. Damn it!… All of our dates we lose track of time because we can’t stop talking to each other, find each other fascinating, and clearly have a connection getting very vulnerable with our emotions and history early on in the game…. which I here is common with SIP. Its called misatribution of arousal, the present isolation, and loneliness as well as uncertainty and risk of death pushing us more to be vulnerable quicker with those we are establishing new romantic/intimate relationships with. She has 2 sons 18,21 who moved back from college, who she says she cannot risk leaving without a parent if she were to fall ill. She said “I really like you and I am willing to wait it out because I think this relationship is worth it” but that if I need to distance myself and slow things down because we are not going to be together. I am jumping out of my skin to be with her but at the same time struggling with maybe I just feel this way because of this misattribution theory and that I have been so lonely past 2 months having recently ended a 4-year toxic relationship. Rebound… And Limerance, I want to see her and physically be close to her, but I also respect her decision to maintain social distancing with me, so really I am resentful at myself for being self-centered by wanting her to risk it and break the social distancing to be together. So I struggle with the same issue: FOMO of a really healthy relationship. I don’t know the answer. I empathize with your dilemma. Also we have to keep in mind we are in our 50’s so the risks are higher than in the younger population. Que Sera Sera:)

Carmen

April 7, 2020 1:36am 1:36 am

My dilema is that Ice been dating this guy for almost two years, I WFH but he is in the medical field so still working, he has his place I have mine with my kids (10 and 8). He is very upset I asked him not to see each other until at least we flatten the line (In case any of us gets sick we at least get help). I cannot afford to get sick as a single mom of two with aging parents and a brother with a disability.

Charlie

Reply to Carmen

April 9, 2020 11:00am 11:00 am

You made the right choice. You have to protect yourself and your children. I think it’s important to have a partner who can understand that.

Emily

April 6, 2020 2:55pm 2:55 pm

The first day of ‘social distancing’ was the day I got the courage to ask my crush for a drink. We had 3 hours until the pub closed and it was closing time when we both finally kissed each other. Every Friday since, I’ve gone to his to quarantine for the weekend (we’re both NHS clinicians in the same dept and carry the same infection risk).

We’ve hit the nesting phase veeeery quick – only because we can’t leave the house for dates and are forced to spend the day in bed (we also slept together on the 2nd date). All dating rules are out the window at the moment and neither of us have a clue how to act but I can honestly and selfishly say that despite all the misery in the world at the moment, I’ve never felt happier

April

April 5, 2020 7:45pm 7:45 pm

I’ve been seeing this guy exclusively for about 2 months now. We’re both international students, away from our home countries, living with flatmates in places that are a 40 min walk away from each other. We’re both PhD students so this time of the year is particularly challenging. I think he’s dealing with it way better than I am! He spent the past two weekends at my place and things went pretty well. But in the weeks prior to the lockdown, we had major arguments caused by miscommunication. We have decided that he won’t come to my place next week or next… While having the conversation, in my mind, there was also the possibility for him to move to my place but I guess it’s unrealistic and could even be harmful to both of us. I have noticed he’s not really into texting with me anymore (he was really into it before we started “officially” dating) so being away from him seems like a death sentence to our potential relationship. I didn’t dare to ask if he would be willing to quarantine with me since right now I don’t feel strong enough to deal with rejection. I hope for the best but I’m heartbroken, being kilometers away from friends and family was difficult enough already.

Helen

April 5, 2020 5:16am 5:16 am

I’m in a sticky situation too…

My partner and I have been in a relationship for a year and we are now 1 month into separate self-isolation. We live about 30 minutes from each other and she currently lives with her parents due to college and financial reasons. To make her choice more confusing, her little brother (20 years old) lives alone and has no obligation towards isolating with family and yet she does. I live with our mutual friend but my partner has decided to spend this time apart. What complicates this even more is that I’m going to be moving out of the state for graduate school in August. Despite knowing this, she admitted today that she will not even spend the later part of the this together. Our time together is limited here and I’m trying my best not to resent her for deciding to be quarantined with her family instead of me. Am I just being selfish here?

Chelsea Gray

Reply to Helen

May 6, 2020 9:03pm 9:03 pm

From my 30yo view, respectfully, yes; although this is coming from a person who hasn’t left the house since the quarantine began. I moved back home from out of state to help with my late grandmother. I was working from home, but I hated my job so I just decided to quit because it was mentally draining. I decided to nanny for spare cash, but I’m not financially bound by it. I was also under the impression that I would have a new job by May so I didn’t get any health insurance. I nannied for a family where they both are essential workers, but not in the medical field. I couldn’t risk my health so I had to leave them cold with a long weekends’ notice. I know its not similar, love vs work and all, but I really liked the family and the kids.

I just know we all have different ways to view life and some of us are much more frightened by this than others. My mom, in my opinion, is so careless and I pray she doesn’t catch it, but she doesn’t live with us and when she drops something off for my brother or aunt I don’t allow her into the house. I love her but I don’t want any of us in the house to catch it. We also use delivery services because I refuse to go out, I don’t know if your partner feels like I do, but I’m sure she definitely feels an alarming and confusing amount of fear that she can’t control and probably doesn’t understand herself.

Sue

April 3, 2020 6:38pm 6:38 pm

My boyfriend and I have been living together since October til last week when he decided to go get his 2 teenage children who have different mother. One mom works at Walmart one at a day care but not everyday now. I’m 63 he’s 50. I told him no to the kids coming here like they normally do and on top of it when he went to his apt he invited his 59 yr old buddy over too. I won’t let him come back here. He’s upset angry hurt pissed off whatever feeling I broke up with him on Saturday cuz I won’t let him come back. Told him 2 weeks today he said he’s done with me. I’m a drama queen. He stopped texting and calling me on Sunday at 1pm until Monday barely texting and not calling me. Now he’s making me make the decision. He’s selfish I know. This isn’t loving somebody it’s controlling. Ya I get it but I love the damn guy. I want him back here with me. I’m afraid if I say not til next week he will just give up on us. Ya I know probably better and showing me his true colors right? God somebody hit me on the head with a 2 x 4 would ya? We both have been healthy and so are the kids and his buddy. We were both sick for 2 weeks last month bad but we did it together and funny thing he cancelled his visitation weekend when we were sick. I am torn.

christine

March 31, 2020 7:10pm 7:10 pm

Why You Shouldnt Go To Your Friends House While Social Distancing
read more https://www.afterviral.xyz/post/Why-You-Shouldnt-Go-To-Your-Friends-House-While-Social-Distancing/0

Janet

March 31, 2020 5:29pm 5:29 pm

To be honest I don’t understand why it has to be all or nothing on the quarantine with partners situation. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over two years and we are planning to move together in June. That said, currently we each have our own apartments and both need to work from home – which means a lot of virtual meetings and calls for each of us.

It would be infeasible (or at least very challenging) for us to live together during this as neither of us has two soundproof work areas in our apartments. Our compromise is to stay separate during the week, and then spend the weekend together. My belief is as long as both people are practicing social distancing, it is simply much more practical to remain in our separate spaces until work is done, otherwise there’s no way both of us could effectively do our work.

I used to see him over the weekends as well as a couple times during the week, so certainly this has reduced our frequency but not significantly. And honestly I would not recommend any new couples to immediately take the course of living together perpetually – that’s a tough adjustment, especially when you don’t yet fully know the other person.

Gina

March 31, 2020 3:10pm 3:10 pm

I met my dream man unexpectedly a few months after I ended a 7 year relationship. We only decided to make things official a week before the quarantine. He’s spending the quarantine with his family away from NYC while I’m here by myself. I have this fear that things will fizzle while we’re apart for weeks, but try to tell myself if that’s the case maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Feels like I’m heartbroken for something that isn’t even quite over yet.

MJFDM

Reply to Gina

April 10, 2020 12:39am 12:39 am

I’m in the same boat as you. I officially started dating my dream girl on March 7th. We had a fantastic first date, and we even got to hang out a few times throughout March. She works in the health care field, and she admitted to me that she felt guilty that we were continuing to hang out while we should be social distancing. She didn’t want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt because of our actions. So now we’re having nightly video chats, and I’m horribly afraid that she will lose interest in me because we don’t get to see each other for awhile. I’m sure I’m worrying over nothing, but nobody said relationship anxiety was rationale. :P

Holly

March 30, 2020 9:37pm 9:37 pm

I have been dating this dude for about 3 weeks before quarantine started. It got kinda serious pretty fast because we both agreed to meet eachother’s family’s’ super quick and have been spending a lot of time together, especially because we work at the same place and out job is closed until May. We both agree that we are having a weird honeymoon phase and it’s gone in and out of feeling like love birds.

But, what is really frustrating is our views of quarantine. I’m ok with visiting his house and that’s about it, only if he has also been safe about social distancing as well. He still wants to go out to friends houses and doing things where as I on the other hand am in tears over my fear and anxiety of catching the virus. If he gets it, I guarantee you he will be fine based off his age and overall health. I will not be fine if I catch it… I have really bad asthma and have been in the hospital over simple colds and I feel like if he had ever seen me sick with a mild virus before, he would understand how bad it would be if I caught the virus.

I am going to be honest.. up to this point I have been very passive about it all. Now the cases in our city have jumped exponentially and I don’t want to go out anymore. I’m terrified. I want to have a talk to him about this but I don’t want to have a fight about it. I think I’m going to drink wine and just see what happens…

Leanne Behrns

Reply to Holly

April 3, 2020 4:04pm 4:04 pm

I read this article today. This reporter got COVID19 from a small dinner party. https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2020/04/03/im-a-healthy-millennial-getting-covid-19-was-so-much-worse-than-i-expected.html

The problem is that no one can guarantee he’ll be fine if he gets it. Young healthy people are maybe less at risk, but they are still at risk. And it’s brutal and unpredictable. Honestly, I think that your differing opinions on this – how much risk you’re willing to accept in your life – is a good thing to tackle, though it may not have come this soon in your relationship. Good luck!

Kyle

March 29, 2020 6:58pm 6:58 pm

I met a woman online and played a game of cat and mouse over online chat, where I ask her to meet or go on a casual date, she disappears, and i giver her some space until i finally reach out again and we talk until the next time I ask her out, Haha. She said she was both worried it wouldn’t go well, and she would be wasting my time, not knowing what she was looking to get out of it. I assured her it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t go well, and that I have no expectations. We eventually had a lengthy conversation on the phone and I asked her to meet up again for a casual walk along the canal the next day. She agreed, but later cancelled. In context it seemed like we couldn’t find the time between our other plans that day/ maybe she got cold feet again. Soon after came the “lockdown”. She lost her job and has been more or less quarantined/social distancing ever since. We still talk on the phone (for hours) every couple of days and text often. I am still deemed “essential” and still work. It has been great getting to know her during a time when no one has anything new to say because they are home doing nothing all day!

Now, my dilemma: We have never met! I don’t want these phone conversations to lead me into the “friend zone”. As a man, I can’t tell what a woman is thinking without guessing wildly or speculating based on her body language. Normally, I would call her briefly to set up something face to face. There as so many unique circumstances in our “relationship”. The problem is the more we talk, the more I like her! How does the internet read my situation, and is there any advice to build attraction and keep it during this quarantine!?

Leanne

Reply to Kyle

April 3, 2020 4:05pm 4:05 pm

Can you do video chats instead of phone calls?

Romantique

Reply to Kyle

April 27, 2020 7:40pm 7:40 pm

This is an easy one Kyle. Don’t chase her, let her come to you. You are unclear of her attraction to you and you are obviously attracted to her. She is already aware of that so she is leading the relationship until you both become equals in it. So no need to keep beating the dead horse of “I’m attracted to you”. It comes off as needy. If she is into you she will reach out, let her chase you, or let her go, don’t chat email unless she initiates, bite your tongue. Chat up some other prospective dates, don’t limit yourself. I have a habit of doing that too I’ll admit. If it was meant to be it will happen. Don’t try to force it. In my experience, I have found that the best and most meaningful relationships are those that come with ease…If you are fighting for attention, you will struggle in your relationship. Also remember, There are 7.5 Billion people on this planet, men and women. – HPless Romantique

Maya

March 28, 2020 10:45pm 10:45 pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now. This quarantine has given us a lot of time to talk because usually he would be practicing his spots while I have clubs,But now we have hours to call and text as we are not in quarantine together. I’m not saying talking is a bad thing it’s just that I’m a very dramatic person and so to much talking causes me to think to much and I’m just scared I’m going to scare him away with all my questions and doubts. Does anyone have any advice?

March 28, 2020 10:23am 10:23 am

I have been dating around for several months and went on a first date with someone right before everything shut down where I live and social distancing began. Since then my date and I have just gone on two walks (maintaining social distance to the best of our ability), but the whole time he has been pretty forward about how into me he is. During the past few days, we have started dabbling with sexting – my first foray into the art – and it’s actually super exciting and fun! Would love to hear if others are taking this route.

Hannah

March 27, 2020 12:01pm 12:01 pm

My boyfriend and I had been dating long distance for 4 months when I came down for a visit in mid-March. My company received the mandatory work from home directive that weekend, and we decided I would stay down in DC. At the time, we thought it might be a week, maybe two, but now it’s looking like I will be here indefinitely (I live in NYC, so am not in a hurry to go back). Despite the short duration of our relationship and the distance, we’ve gotten very serious very quickly, and had already had conversations about moving in together a year from now. So, while this is significantly moving up our timeline, it’s really just speeding up the inevitable, and has really reaffirmed our long term commitment to each other (nothing like having heated conversations about the dos and don’ts of social distancing, thinking about financial implications if either of us loses or jobs, or dealing with anxiety around at-risk family members to take your relationship to the next level!). It’s going as well as could possibly be expected given the circumstances, but being together 24/7 is a total 180 from my 10 years of single, roommate-less life! Never has the phrase “let there be space in your togetherness” felt more relevant!

Vanessa

March 27, 2020 9:48am 9:48 am

My sweetie and I have been dating 8mo and went our first big trip together earlier this month—overseas for 10 days! we arrived back in the US right in the thick of if (March 11). The trip feels like it was YEARS ago now. His company had implemented WFH March 9; he already worked from home quite a bit but is still adjusting. I, on the other hand, have been furloughed and have alllll the free time in the world, along with a newly-discovered health issue (& waiting for a phone consult from the specialist who is booked, ack). I’d been thinking about asking my BF to move in together later this year, but this situation has really fast-tracked that in a positive way. We grew so close on our vacation and now are even closer, and he’s been such a support for me during this scary time. We introduced his elderly dog and my skittish kitty, and are cohabitating until the crisis lessens. I am so grateful to spend this unique and weird time together, and on a lighter note he’s happy to let me process my feelings while organizing his many poorly-organized closets lol

Nicole

March 26, 2020 9:16pm 9:16 pm

Back in the fall, I was withering away in a new-ish but already bad marriage, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in my gut that said I had made a mistake and should get divorced. Of course, in the context of this internal anguish, I met someone SPECTACULAR, who is so very obviously my person. I loved her so immediately, with all the clarity and “HELL YES”-ness I never felt with my ex. Lucky for me, she felt the same.

Cut to five months later, and we are both mid-divorce. Before the quarantine news hit, I flew to her hometown to visit her… and then basically got stuck here! It doesn’t make much sense to fly “home” to the apartment I used to share with my ex, and my new partner and I are, frankly, pretty blissful together here. But we still can’t believe we went from illicit tortured feelings to living together in a pandemic in the span of mere months. It’s nuts, but I’m grateful for our insane origin story – and every single day, I wake up to her face and think, “Yep. This is exactly where I’m meant to be.”

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