Have a Lovely Weekend.

Anyone? I’m
Here for the help too! Maybe we could have a “find this tall girl all the things” post ?

I like these from Senita Athletics! They come in short, regular, and tall lengths. I’m 5’10” and they hit right at my ankles. https://www.senitaathletics.com/products/studio-skin-joggers-tall-length?variant=41179760558249

I’m also 5’10 and second the Senita Joggers in a long length and the Vuori joggers in the long length https://vuoriclothing.com/products/womens-performance-jogger-long-black

Yes! I’m loving it too – even more than I thought I would. The period blood in the shower in the first episode (after insisting she’s not emotional because of her period, haha) was so funny and also just so real. I know she can be a polarizing figure but I find her work (specifically Life & Beth and Inside Amy Schumer) to be absolutely hilarious and also smart and feminist AF. Big fan :)

Consider 3rd Rock Sunblock. I’d go unscented.

I haven’t tried this sunscreen but the ingredients you mention are new to me. What sunscreen do you use?

I am confused. I don’t think you need to be a parent to find that story spooky.

Did you read the story at all? Like, are you seriously asking if that story was spooky because PARENTING like it’s some mommy-blog drek about boogers wiped on the backseat panel of your car?

It’s a story of existential horror and futility and powerlessness. It’s a story about the gaping chasm of forever, and the question of what makes us human. How long would a turtle have to live, and live through, before it isn’t a turtle anymore? What makes a human a person? Is it more horrifying to imagine living every single day in endless repetition and being aware of it, or living every single day in endless repetition and being unaware of it?

Like….I’m honestly curious – did you read the story AT ALL. Or just to the second paragraph where you learned that one of the three characters is a toddler, and one is a mom.

To be fair to Clairebeth, I do think I found this story so disconcerting largely because I am the parent of an almost-1 year old. I saw my baby in little Max and my own mortality reflected in Ronna. Omg – the idea of living so long that I try to hurt any baby let alone my home!! Truly, the horror!

I’m not sure how the story would have affected me without the experience of new motherhood. I think it would still have been somewhat spooky, but not so personally unnerving. What I’m trying to say – I think Clairebeth’s question/complaint is valid. And we’re a community here. We can give her space to feel triggered and vent about it.

As someone who did not become a mother until later in life, the constant mom content feels like daily pinpricks literally everywhere a woman looks feels like daily pinpricks. It would trigger a literal saint.

Oh man. First off, Yes. I read the story. I enjoyed it, and I get what you’re saying about the existential dread of it all @Ally . It’s not about the story.

I’ve known since I was a little girl that I didn’t want kids, though no one would believe it back then. I’m the oldest of four, so I started taking care of babies around the age of six. I love the kids, and the moms I know. I’m hoping to teach kids someday. It’s not about the story.

When I married my first husband I knew I didn’t want kids, but he did, and I wanted him. And I thought that if we had kids I’d have the “normal” life I’d seen on television. We were young, but not that young, and it seemed like the thing to do. So we tried. At the time I was working in a grocery store, and it seemed that literally every woman I saw was either pushing a baby around the store in a stroller or pregnant and glowing. And I felt left out!––like there was some awesome club that everyone was a part of but I didn’t know the secret handshake. I thought that if I could just be like them I could be a part of and have something that everyone swears is amazing. It was like, “Hey guys! Wait up! I have a uterus too!!”. Well, nothing happened, and I was elated, and also very bummed. I just wasn’t willing to jump through hoops to become pregnant, and it turned out that my partner wasn’t willing to jump through anything at all for me. Honestly, I think that’s part of what broke us down, though we came up with many other reasons over the course of our separation.

I’m very happy with my life. I’m remarried to an amazing man whose views on parenthood match my own. I’m months away from receiving my BS in mathematics. I have an incredible job coming up in which I’ll be living in the woods in Eastern Oregon for five months, which will enable me to pay off my student loans in full. Not having kids affords me many privileges and opportunities that just aren’t available to parents. Not having kids has always been right for me. But sometimes it also makes me incredibly sad.

On those sad days I wonder if I made the right decision. I see a beautiful baby and my heart aches just a little bit, or I read a post on CoJ about something stupid like crib sheets or “The cute/funny things my kids are saying these days!” and I get angry. I read the New Yorker story and got angry.

I’ll never stop wondering if I made the right choice in not having kids. If I was somehow to get pregnant now I know I’d keep the baby, and I’d love it with every cell in my body. I know I’d be a good mom. I just found out that my brother and his wife are expecting their first and I cried tears of joy for them. I’m the cool auntie to four other amazing kids, some of whom are nearly all grown up. I remember holding them and breathing that baby smell deep into my lungs and my head going all swirly for a moment. So I think you can see, it’s not about the story at all. Thanks to @Lauren for acknowledging that.

thanks for sharing this!

I’m listening now. It’s so nice! Thank you!

This playlist is wonderful! Thank you!
Am listening to it on my headphones as I potter gently around the flat doing an early Sunday morning tidy. The sun is shining, I’ve watered the plants, it’s the Spring equinox and this is just the vibe I needed xo

I’m on song 1 and I’m loving this playlist!! Thanks!!

Love the playlist. I’m coming back to it on Monday :)

Oh man I have been there and it’s so hard! To me it sounds like her daytime sleep may need to be adjusted. I would suggest shortening her nap(s) and making sure she’s awake longer during the day. Every child is different but that would usually help with my two toddlers’ nighttime sleep issues. Good luck!

Hi Emily! Try adjusting her daytime sleep schedule and bedtime. I have two kids (now 8 and 4), but both needed a slight adjustment to their daytime schedule to rewire their nighttime sleep.

Cutting down daytime sleep was the key for both kids to sleep better at night. You might experiment with a shorter nap and a slightly later bedtime (say 7:45 or 8 PM) and see what happens. If it works well you can try adding back 15 to 30 minutes on either end and see if she has regulated.

Hope this helps!

Hi Emily, i feel you!
Have you tried the following:
– 5h wake window in the morning – nap – 6h wake window before bed? It helps build up sleep pressure.
– other than that: does your babe fall back a sleep if you offer a bottle (if so, just do it!)
– I also recommend seed.sleep in insta. They thought me that my babe needs sensory rich activities throughout the day to build up tiredness.
– seeing all the research you’ve done, I think your babe’s room is pitch black and has white noise? If not, worth a shot!

May the force be with you!!!
Sleep deprivation is no joke.

I’ll second the idea about shortening nap. Our girls are growing out of theirs altogether (2 years, 6:30 pm – 7 am bedtime). I miss it in a way already lol, we’re transitioning to restful reading time slowly.

We have a young gentleman (5 years) who has been forming some bad sleep habits though, after some changes in household this past month and we’re having to fix them, so I really feel you right now lol. Coffee cheers!

Hello Emily from another Emily! When we had that happen with our first child the solution ended up being dripping his nap. It was brutal and we had to white knuckle for a couple months (super painful as our second arrived during all of this). But ultimately it solved the early wake up. Good luck! We are going through it now with kid number two as we prepare for kid number three’s arrival and it is just painful.

My original question was a little different, but I got so many answers on baby sleep in this week’s comic post comment section, just before this post. Maybe you can find some help there❤️. -From another sleep deprived mom!

Kiddos grow out of their naps at different ages. Maybe less of a nap, or no nap and/or going to bed a bit later. It’s a trial and error but you will find the right combo.

My baby is 5 months so we’re in a totally different phase of sleep issues haha but I’ve found the baby sleep Dr on Instagram to be soooo helpful. I’m guessing she has something addressing early wakeups! Good luck, I know it’s so hard 💕💕

If you’re not already, follow Taking Cara Babies on IG!

Hi Emily,
First off, I’m so sorry you’re in this mess and I feel you completely. Sleep deprivation is it’s own special hell, and dealing with a fussy toddler on top of it seems insurmountable. I’d say your first step is the same as the other commenter below- time to adjust her daytime sleep. If you haven’t already, it might be time to drop a nap and shift to just one nap a day. If you’ve already done that, it might be time to move where that nap is. Some kids need a solid 4 hours of awake time before bed, so shifting it a bit earlier or cutting it off at 1.5 to 2 hours might be the ticket. You could also look at moving her bedtime back a little to 7:30? The general consensus seems to be that moving bedtimes later actually makes kids wake earlier, but when you’re dealing with a regular predawn wake up anyway it’s worth a shot. Plus with the time change, you might as well use the extra daylight in the evening to run that babe ragged and hope it knocks them out for bed.

I’m not sure any of this will help, but know I will be thinking of you! And as hard as it is to remember when you’re in the thick of it- it won’t be this way forever. Repeat that to yourself on the hardest of days. The only constant with little humans, and all of us really, is change.

Sending love and keeping hope alive for good sleeps soon!

I’m impressed she goes to sleep so early. Maybe keep her up until 8:30 ? If she falls asleep at 6:30 PM then she already has had 10 hours of sleep by 4:30 AM.

My son (now 3) is very sensitive to early morning light. He’ll sleep longer in the winter, but as the days get longer he will wake up at 5 every day. We have a blackout shade, but some light comes around the corners. We tape aluminum foil all over the window when it’s lighter, and that helps some.

Gosh, more advice! We have a kid just like this and we’ve found the game changer for us(aside from shortening nap/sleep times/dark room/etc) has been being outside. Which is REALLY hard in the winter and might make sense why it started in December? Just a thought!

I’m so sorry! It’s really such an excruciating trial and error. I agree- usually a nap switch. Timing, duration, or number of naps. I have friends who are wizards at these calculations. I am not. But my doctor recommended babysleepscience.com which is a helpful resource. Good luck!

I’m going to echo everyone and say shorten or drop the nap. It’ll be a mess at first but I’d rather deal with a mess during the day and sleep through the night. Both my boys completely dropped naps way earlier than 20 months. So many “sleep experts” will say children should nap till ridiculously old. My boys would go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 5am when they napped. When I dropped their naps they started going to bed at 8 and waking up at 7.

Hi Emily! Sleep is rough too for my 22 months old these days. Unfortunately I don’t have any solution, just compassion! It’s hard! And I just wanted to say that sometimes baby/toddler sleep goes to shit and there is just nothing you can do about it and it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. But let us know if you find something that works for you : )

This is opposites of all the other advice but my kid is about the same age and same story. He used to go down at 7 then began waking at 5 or so and alit at night. Turns out as he was developing more he was over tired . We moved bedtime to 630 – slept til 715. We’re adjusting back now with daylight savings (yes so early is a PIA) but if all else fails
Maybe give it a shot? I was scared it’s make it worse but whelp kids…ps he naps 1230-130 or 1-2

Oh man. I have no advice but my daughter (now 5) was the exact same way. I truly felt like I was going to lose my marbles. Eventually… it just got better. Which I realize doesn’t help you right now, but hang in there! You’re not doing anything wrong. This too shall pass.

We were in this boat a couple months ago; our youngest is now 22 months. But YES to shortening the daytime nap. You don’t have to drop it; we just had to make sure there were five hours between bedtime and the end of the nap. He is up at 6:30 a.m. andstill naps about 2 hours, sometimes more.

The other thing, though–is she teething? It always takes us a few weeks to realize that because the teeth (molars, oh gosh) start moving before you see them. I was up for a few hours in the middle of the night for a week or two before we realized what was happening. Ours started working on the molars around 21 months.

It sounds like you have a lot of good things to try but if you get really desperate, I used Sarah at https://www.8straightsleep.com/ when my kid was still waking 5x a night at 10 months. I know she’s helped many other friends and acquaintances of mine. That was 2 years ago but her fee was so reasonable (I think $150) especially in relation to my level of desperation. Her advice was so specific and the follow up was invaluable. She’ll tailor your plan to whether you’re prepared to sleep train, whether the baby is sharing a room, etc.

Hey Emily, she sleeps 10 hours (!) during the night plus a nap during the day, that sounds enough to me, but – did you try to take her to bed later?

I worry she may be just awake and ready for the day! Could you gently push her bed time back about an hour (8) and see if you can get her to sleep later- and assure a dark room. She sounds like me! Come 539am I’m just ready to go!

Hej, yes, put her to bed much later! Even 9 or 10 would do at that age 😊 good sleep to you 😊

Yes, please! Love Meg’s gifts!
One of the best parts of being an adult is having friends from 20 to 80 y.o. and I love that. It gives me perspective and different points of view.

Yes, definitely. More Meg please CoJ team.

I also love Beatrix Potter. There’s a wonderful film about her starring Renee Zellweger.

That story was harrowing to me, and brought up the same kinds of deep-down motherhood fears and panic. Interesting that they chose a “creepy baby” for the image. I thought Max was heartbreaking, not frightening. I had a physical reaction of wanting to fling my body over my toddler! Motherhood is so intense. I’m dazzled by the author’s skill yet I don’t know if I could ever read anything else he wrote.

Sending you good wishes and thoughts for your health xo

Julia, it feels like you plucked your stream of consciousness right from my brain. I’m so sorry you’re grappling with scary health stuff, and feel that same urge to go get my toddler right now and hold her close.
Just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

Julia – I have no great words of wisdom, but I’m so sorry to hear about your health diagnosis. That’s a lot to process and deal with, especially in these stressful times. I’m not religious either, but the best I can do is to hold open space for the possibility that what’s waiting – tomorrow and next month and after this life is over – might just be wonderful. It just might be, my friend.

I almost came here to say that I feel like that story needs a trigger warning! I felt a little better when I read an interview with the author who wrote it—somehow that added some distance—but I found the story really upsetting. I have a three year old, so that might be part of it!

I read the story thinking the whole time of our dear friends who have a daughter with a disability- she will remain a toddler mentally for the rest of her life. What will happen as she grows and her parents age is what’s keeping them up at night. Unfortunately, society has no answers for them. She will age out of the system that provides some assistance for taking care of her right now.

Haha. I didn’t read that comment but I do this too. Did it once without any thought behind it and won! Pro tip indeed!

It really is lovely. However, the film Roald and Beatrix:The Tail of the Curious Mouse shows a very different kind of person. Both films have an element of truth and an element of artistic license. Apparently the Roald film is based on a true story of Roald Dahl wanting to go and meet her. If you are going to watch both the the Miss Potter film comes much earlier in her life so should be seen first.

Kay, Thank you for the recommendation!! I will definitely watch that one. I’m very intrigued!

This is so sweet. I remember LOVING going out and making little bouquets before dinner when I was young, and my daughter is now completely obsessed with doing the same, totally unprompted. So kind of you to let the neighborhood kids pick from your garden! Not everyone is so generous with their flowers :)

This is my favorite comment of all time, lol.

It was absolutely chilling! A parent’s worst, yet contradictory, nightmares combined — “I will never be free of this” / “I can’t always be there”.