21 Completely Subjective Rules for Raising Teenage Girls

I am drowning with a 15 and 14 year old (both girls) one crying because the coach is bullying her at practice the other whose best friend of 9 years has turned on her. All in a span of three hours. I want to enjoy every moment with them because they are growing up fast but it’s hard when it’s all heartbreak and life lessons

i am not even through treading all these wonderful and enlightening me to things oh my goodness!! Thank you Random Mommas ! i am so thankful !

I read through every single comment. Parenting gold! I need them compiled into a coffee table book!

Thank you!

This too but it was easier raising girls. I just realized this. Maybe because I’m a girl? I get how they feel. I did the things on this list. All of them. I did have to back off on safety talk though. Being in forensics, I made my girls hyperaware. My youngest daughter finally told me, “Sometimes your warnings scare me.” “Oh no!” I said. “I just wanted you to be safe!” I still do and, I really have no regrets because I have great girls ?

So I’m a 20 year old girl living away at university. My mum is my best friend and reading this allowed me to look back on all the things my mum did for me as a child and how they shaped me as a person today.
One of the main things that I have always been grateful for is that my mum always offers advice, whenever there is something happening in my life she will be upfront and honest with her advice and suggestions. But she also respects that at the end of the day it is still my decisions to make and she’ll let me make them, with no judgement, even if i go against what she would want for me. What’s so special about this is that even though she gives me advice and sometimes I don’t follow it, when it all blows up in my face I know she’s still going to be there for me no matter what, she helps me deal with the consequences.
Last year I was with a boy who I had been seeing for 2 years, my mum didn’t like him because of how he had treated me throughout our relationship and when we had previously broken up for a month. I got back into a relationship with him against my mum’s advice and long story short, he betrayed me again and started cheating on me. I was devastated. Deep down I know that I should have expected it and I felt as though I allowed it to happen, I was mad at myself for not listening to my mum. But when I went into her room at 3am in tears after I had found out, and woke her up, she was as supportive as she always has been. She made a hot chocolate and let me cry into her in the middle of the night. And not once did she say or even hint at “I told you so”.
My mum respects my decisions but is still there for me when I get them wrong.

thank you. from the bottom of my heart.

As someone who is the cool-big-sister slash Mom of a preteen right now (her mother is not in her life), I have a weird but unique perspective these days: I remember being a teen girl not even five years ago, but boy is it still extremely different for my girl.

One-ish piece of advice that has always worked (besides never being afraid to say no, and that whole “you can’t be their best friend and their Mom at the same time” bullshit is false) is: When they start asking questions, any questions, tell them the absolute truth to the best of your ability. I explained to my sister what childbirth was like when she was just 9 – and when she asked how people got pregnant I said, “A couple of different ways. One’s just for adults, and I’ll tell you when you’re older – but people also go to the doctor, or they adopt children who don’t have parents anymore.” Children, no matter how young, can still understand that the world is complicated.

2. Do not break your promises. If you think you won’t be able to afford some expensive tech for their birthday, don’t just say yes and hope it’ll work out – tell them it’s not much of a possibility, and then ask what else they’d like instead. Make sure your promises are doable and then DO them – that lack of trust that builds every time you skip out on a soccer game or a trip to the mall or a family dinner tells your kid that they can’t trust you with the big stuff, either.

Please, Please, One for raising teen boys….maybe there is one !? I just love this article So Very Heart felt – Thanks!

I am a 70 year old male, who retired after 35 years of teaching 13,14, and 15 year old’s. Once I figured out that goofy and moody were their default mode, I quit trying to put “square pegs” in round holes. I absolutely loved working with that age group. My comment about parenting a daughter and a son, both adults now, is that as soon as we get together I go back into my parenting mode. I don’t sleep until I hear the door open and close. I hate that.

I have a son (now 20) and two teenage girls. In response to #21, I always remind my kids to make smart choices by a simple “Don’t do anything stupid” before they head out the door. They may roll their eyes sometimes, but I think it is a worthwhile reminder.

But the most important thing I think that you can do for your children, no matter what their age, is to remind them each and every day that you love them. It can be a simple “Remember who loves you.” before they step out of the car, or an “Love you!” at the end of a text. Life gets complicated and the teen years are tough. Every child should know in their heart that they are loved no matter what.

As teenagers, My dad always told me and my sister to “keep our head on a swivel.” In other words, constantly be aware of where you are and what is going on around you. When you’re leaving a store, in a parking garage, walking home late at night, etc. While he probably felt the need to remind us of this constantly because we were his baby girls and he wanted us to stay safe, I think it’s good advice for everyone to follow. There have been many times where my fiance and I have been walking and he has been completely oblivious to the person following us for the past two blocks or the guy standing oddly close to us. With headphone wearing now ubiquitous, we should all remember to keep our heads on a swivel!

Thank you so, so much for this. I read both of your blogs all the time and I have to say this is one of the best things I have read in a long time.

I would add just one more – your relationship with your body becomes their relationship with their body. Its worth investing heavily in improving that, particularly in a culture where the other messages they are hearing about their body from the media etc are carrying such a negative weight.

Desperately needed to read this today—thank you, brilliant Jenny. “It’s just a phase” needs to be written in giant bold letters in every room of my apartment right now. You are my parenting Yoda!

Love this! One on teenage boys too please. Please have more posts on bringing up teens as I find that these are more difficult than when they were younger but there is a dearth of good blogs/articles for these age group. Thank you CoJ team ?

I love number 8. I have a three-and-a-half year old and a twenty-month old, both boys. I always talk to them about my period every month, even though (trust me) the idea made my skin crawl at first. From the time he was two or so, my older one has been naturally curious about the my menstrual cycle, so I have used that opportunity to explain what happens in as simple terms as possible, so there is no element of fear or grossness. I want them to have an understanding of anatomy of all genders, and a sense of fearlessness about nature. I also want them to be the guy who carry a tampon, just in case someone needs it.

I LOVE this! As a high school counselor and soon to be mama myself, numbers 3, 13, and 19 especially speak to me.
#3-I can’t tell you how many sweet, insecure young ladies are persuaded to take compromising photos of themselves and how 9 times out of 10 they end up being sent to half of the boys in their grade. Teaching girls how to be proud of their beautiful bodies while also helping them to know what it means to protect them is something we all need to help instill.

#13-THANK YOU for being a parent who is not pressuring their child to be the best at everything and to spend every waking hour of free time involved in a structured activity! Yes, leadership and extracurriculars are important, but so is spending a relaxed week at the beach with your extended family and not thinking about school, work, or college applications! <3

#19-Teens are WAY more insightful than we give them credit for, and sometimes the number one thing they need from us is to feel like they are being heard. When, as listeners, we get out of "how can I fix this" mode and into "how can I be fully present in this moment," kids pick up on this and appreciate us for validating their feelings and truly listening.

Thanks again for a wonderful post!
xo

I’m not a teen anymore, but 3 years ago at age 24, I went through a TON of life changes. Working full-time post grad school. Broke up with ex-boyfriend and learned first-hand why my parents warned me not to moved in with someone I didn’t really want to marry. Met my current fiance and worried that I may be too young to have met “the one”. I was convinced that I had more of life to live as a single lady.

In one of the more explosive arguments with my mom (and we talk every single day, we’re like best friends), I got so frustrated that I yelled “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? THAT’S NOT EVEN GOOD PARENTING” (eek the nerve I had – I still cringe when I think back on it). My mom responded “I’m sorry. but it’s hard parenting someone who is an adult now and can live her life independently. I’m still adjusting and you need to give me time. Can you be patient with me?”

Oof.

But that was the first time I realized that my mom isn’t perfect either and that she’s learning how to adjust her parenting as my sister and I go through different life stages. I think back on that moment a lot whenever I get frustrated with her to remind myself that she’s trying just as hard as I am. And that I’m lucky enough to have a mom that WILL adjust her parenting as I grow older.

As a teenager, when I left the house for school, work, going to friends houses-whatever it was-my dad would say “i love you, be smart”. Hearing that often was a great reminder of all the lessons and hopes my parents had for me to make good decisions for myself. I have young children, but will use that phrase with them when its time.

#20 gives me life. SO true.

I have two daughters, one is 13 and one is 16. Sometimes I feel like the absolute worst mother in the world and sometimes I know that I must have done something right because my girls are pretty good little women. I get compliments all the time about how kind hearted they are. I few things that I’ve taught them are,
* don’t let yourself get caught up in situations that can come back to haunt you i.e. bullying & fighting, because people will judge you and it won’t be pretty.
* To offset that, I’ve also told my youngest daughter that sometimes you might have to just schmuck someone who won’t leave you alone. (she always says “Aww mom, I can’t do that” but sometimes the things that happen to her just make me mad as heck).
*There are always two sides to every situation and to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Basically, be empathetic.
* When there is an elder standing then you shouldn’t be sitting and by the way, ask them if they’d like some tea.
* Don’t wait to be asked to start helping someone. Many hands make light work.
* Learn to drive, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever learned to do.
* You can do what ever you want to do in life, as long as you’re doing something. By that I mean, be a hairdresser if that is what will make you happy, go to art school, go to University straight out of high school and become a social worker or take a gap year and try your hand at working before going to post secondary. Just don’t sit back at home doing nothing because time will pass no matter what.
* Do your research.

This is wonderful / terrifying! My daughter is currently 10 months so this is a long way away but this:
“1. Get as much sleep as you can before they turn 13, because then the sleepless nights really begin.”
Please no! She hasn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row for months, so I need to believe that one day I will sleep again.

On the one hand I’m really looking forward to her being older and being able to do things like go for coffee, chat but she’s so adorable and it flea so fast.

#16 is super comforting to me. Thanks.

I told my son, If you’re going to do something stupid, do it here at home