Do or Don’t: Mailing Thank You Notes

Someone once told me “people overestimate the effort that goes into a handwritten note and underestimate how appreciated it will be.” Ever since, I’ve started writing thank you cards, birthday cards, hi how are you cards for everything under the sun! I think it’s a nice gesture, whether or not it’s “required!”

I’m glad someone broached this subject. I don’t think “thank you” cards are always necessary, but I do think that any thoughtful gesture like a thank you card should always be well received. That is not the case. I gave a thank you card to my office manager with a Giant Eagle gift card in return for him helping me with a car insurance claim one time. Even though my office manager despises me for reasons unknown, I thought it was a nice gesture. He MAIMED me for it. About halfway through the day, the cold as ice Russian man pulled me into an empty room and told me how embarrassing it was to receive a gift from me and how inappropriate it was that I would give him one. He asked if I wanted it back, but I thought that would be even more degrading. What was that? I read about Russian culture, and although they think thank you cards are “impractical,” in no way would they be expected to elicit the response that I received. There are some middle eastern cultures that consider it “embarrassing” to receive a gift from anyone other than a good friend, but I couldn’t find anything like that in Russian culture. Why did he react like that?

my culture is different. we never give out thank you cards or expect them. when we give, we don’t expect anything in return, and when we receive, we thank the person face to face with a smile and a hug and kiss. I would never think of writing my sister or mother a thank you note for a gift, so in many ways, our culture sees friends much like family. we are tight and give freely and thank freely without expectation. when someone thanks the other person, they say, it was a pleasure. no trees harmed in the process. but I do have to say this, giving out cards is a lovely gesture, it truly is, but I think once you get offended from not receiving one kind of misses the point of kindness. give without expectation. if you receive a card, be surprised and thankful, but if you don’t get anything, don’t assume the worst of the other person. these rules of etiquette can become so legalistic that it makes us forget to stay humble and grateful.

It doesn’t take that much time to send a written note. You can never go wrong sending a written note to express gratitude, kindness, best wishes, happy birthday, get well, sympathy, thinking of you, or encouragement/inspiration at a time when needed. Technology has it’s place, but texting and email are not “special”. I hope we never stop caring enough to take a little time to do something special, because that kindness usually comes back two-fold.

I went to my niece’s baby shower, and it’s been a few months, and no thank you note! I had spent many hours knitting a sweater set, and baby afghan for the new baby. I also had other items in the gift bag. I understand that it is my expectations that have not been met, not my niece’s. I guess I am just old school, or maybe just old, but I still think a handwritten note is valued by all.

People don’t have to do nice things for us – like wedding gifts, shower gifts, graduation gifts. So when someone does invest their time and money in doing something nice…….then surely the receiver can take a moment and write a sincere thank you, and mail it to them.

Thank you for starting this conversation! In December I was offered a new job and wanted to send thank you cards to the two references I knew had spoken highly of me to the HR rep from my new company. When I asked for their addresses they both seemed very confused and one even said “If you’re sending me a thank you card, it’s not necessary.” I felt so silly! I still sent the cards because I truly appreciate a hand-written note, but it made me question whether I’d gone too far.

I don’t know how I missed this post until today. YES, thank you cards are SO important and are so awesome to receive, ESPECIALLY when mailed! Even if you live in the same city! I love choosing interesting stamps and making the envelope pretty. It really only takes a few minutes to write a thank you, compared to the time spent by whoever you’re thanking for whatever they did. I don’t think people do it enough. I especially think for birthday, wedding, and baby gifts they are a must. But these days I’ll take anything – as far too many people these days don’t even say thank you in any form.

My mother always raised me to send thank you notes when I was given a gift and I still make a point to do that (even if it takes a some time for me to send it – like after the two baby showers I had recently, one before my son was born and one after). I don’t usually send thank you notes after being invited over for dinner, but I would instead bring something as a host/hostess gift (bottle of wine, dessert). I would follow up with a text message either that night or the next day however.

Maybe it is a cultural thing (I live in the Rocky Mountains) but I’ve never heard of someone sending a thank you card for having you over for dinner, or even for parties such as retirement parties or baby shower. People do say thank you and might text or chat about it, and people definitely send thank you cards for gifts. Then again, it is not a very formal culture; outside of weddings, I can’t think of a whole lot of more formal events that are very common around these parts. Even a funeral has people in jeans….

That said, I think everyone enjoys getting handwritten mail. I like the suggestion one commentator had about maybe sending a “thinking of you card” instead a week later.

I love buying and receiving handwritten cards, but that said, my mind goes blank when I’m about to write the card, so yes to immediate text and perhaps send a ‘hello, I’m thinking of you’ card one week later :)

I think ‘thank you’ emails are adequate for casual occasions, but I do prefer thank you cards for more formal events. I wouldn’t know what to do with the thank you cards I’d receive every time I spend time with friends. Plus, one can be pretty creative w/ emails and attach pictures to share!

I think it’s a nice touch but since thank you notes take a few days to arrive, I try to call the next day also. Regarding thank you notes, I absolutely love getting them in the mail, hiding between bills and random flyers. It’s a nice surprise and always makes me happy!

Tanya
http://www.laptopsandheels.com

I love sending them and I love getting them via snail mail preferred. I make my kids write them too because it feels good to get a hand written note.

I heart thank you notes… even though they may not be totally necessary, there’s something sweet and polite about them. I would hate for the tradition to be lost due to technology. <3

Thank you notes are not even a thing in Australia. Never even seen one or heard of them! Verbal thank yous seem perfectly adequate to me!

I do both. I like the quick feedback for the hosts, but I also think that a note that arrives a few days later shows how much you really enjoyed it – enough to get out the beautiful card/stationery and sometimes even a fountain pen. And be sure to use different words than you texted – otherwise, it does come across as redundant and insincere.

I often take a thank you card with me to the dinners I’m invited to. At some point throughout the evening, I have found a private moment to write a thank you, and I leave it somewhere they’ll find it. I know this is a little unconventional, but I especially do it when I’m a +1 and I know I may never see them again or get their address. I think it’s the best of both worlds: immediacy, surprise, and traditional hand-written.

I send a lot of cards/notes and won’t stop doing it. I think mail is important. :)

Thank you texts/emails to/from good friends is always appropriate, but I send thank you notes whenever someone hosts a formal meal or it’s a coworker/boss. Super essential.

I reserve thank you notes for special occassions – weddings, bridal/baby showers, etc. In other instances I send a text or sometimes I use an app to send a postcard because I can add a picture from the event. The postcard is more about sending the photo as a momento of our time together than I feel the need to send thanks.

It’s so interesting to read all the comments! Where I live, we don’t send thank you cards, except for weddings (and even then it can take months until you get yours – the longest I had to wait was 9 months! Although I have to admit that I was a bit offended, because the couple sent out the first thank you cards 2,5 months after their wedding; it shouldn’t take them this long to send them all.). I would find it very weird if a friend would send me a thank you note, but it’s so interesting to see how important they are in the US! Always learn something new… :)

I love giving and receiving handwritten notes for any occasion, and I hope we’ll never stop doing that! Love opening the mailbox to find a handwritten note among a stack of bills bills and bills. Cheers me up instantly! :)

I love sending thank you cards but I don’t usually do it for dinners at a friend’s house. I usually send a text for that.

Yes, I love sending thank you notes! I’ll also confess to saving thank you notes that my students and their families have written to me over the years; they mean a lot to me even years after I’ve received them.