Gift Guide #7: Your Outdoorsy Dad Who FaceTimes You When He’s Walking by Cool Holiday Lights.

Your gift guide titles inspired me to name the very specific things that the people I love are amazing me with right now, and make sure I include that in cards/letters/conversations, to let them know I see them. It is the most amazing gift i have had the luck of giving, and the pleasure it brings to those I love makes my day!! This is a gift in itself- and ofcourse, your descriptions arent remotely similar to mine! Thank you, Jo, for this inspiration.

Another vote for please not changing the titles. I love hearing your own voice coming through and a bit of fun and whimsy. My dad passed away a few years ago but I still clicked on this article because it’s fun to see the different things you’ve chosen and maybe get some ideas for other people. The man in the beanie is also very handsome ha ha!

Do I need to buy these specific items for a father with those exact traits? No, I don’t. Maybe it’s just a cool, quirky thing that’s fun to read about, and will give me a gift idea for someone else in my life; maybe even for those difficult family members I’d rather avoid.

Is Jo saying I have to buy that exact product even though it’s something I can’t afford? No, she’s not. Maybe I could just be inspired by it and go and look for something similar.

Echoing some other people’s comments here too about a sense of entitlement creeping in to the comment section. There’s been some important feedback over the years about diversity and inclusivity which has driven positive change, but now it feels like every second post gets mired in negative comments because it doesn’t reflect someone’s life exactly.

Thanks for the fun and quirky gift guides team.

Can someone please explain how a short stem helps keep the beer from getting warm? It seems like part of your hand would still need to cup the glass cuz how do you hold such a short stem?

The internet is full of “gift guides for dads” or “gift guides for your bff” but Cup o Jo is the only one I’ve found that has a bit of spunk in the titles — it makes it so much more fun! I appreciate that Joanna brings so much of herself to the blog (all year round!), it is the best gift. We’re so lucky to have you as the best ever internet friend <3

Jo, your quirky, optimistic titles are wonderful. Please don’t change them. Adding some (positive) descriptions of non-traditional relationships would be lovely, but surely we don’t want to focus on the negative aspects of our loved ones as we buy them gifts for the holidays. It’s ok to normalize the fact that some of our relatives aren’t our loved ones (and vice-versa), but doing that with sarcastic titles would be so sad. Let’s focus on those the relationships we have that ARE based on love—our “chosen family,” as many of us in the LGBTQ+ community call it.

*IF you are going to change the titles literally all that needs to be done is change YOUR to MY.

MY outdoorsy dad is speaking from your own experience. YOUR outdoorsy dad reminds me of the distance between that fantasy and my reality and that does sting a little (though I accept that what stings is my reality, not your blog post). Just make the guides in the tone of voice of “here’s my brainstorm of what *I might get *MY circle” it’s the speaking for others that is rubbing people the wrong way I think.

I haven’t communicated with my massively disappointing, dysfunctional parents in over a year. I still appreciate the fun titles of CoJ gift guides!

Hi CoJ team, I know there’s heaps of critiques on this post, and I hope you’re able to view this with love. In future posts, I’d love to see links to outdoor nonprofits that are focusing more on equity. I know that the “outdoorsy” world is not CoJ’s primary audience, but like other industries that have been slow to ease up on their exclusionary history, outdoor recreation is currently going through a sea change. I love a National Park, *and* there are groups like Outdoor Afro that are focusing specifically on questions around safety in outdoor spaces so that more people feel welcome in public outdoor spaces. CoJ does an amazing job sharing this kind of work with readers, and that’s why I wanted to share this with you!

Adding to the convo to please, please not change the titles. They are part of what makes this *your* blog and what gives it personality. They’re fun. For example – I’m not a parent, I’m not a frequent traveler, and I’m not in a relationship. I would never dream to demand the censor of blog posts concerning these topics because I’m sad that I don’t have children or a spouse, or because I can’t afford a vacation each year. Please ignore this trend in micro-criticism – this idea that every thing posted has to fully encompass every single reader’s possible life experience, culture, needs, wants, and desires. It’s a strange internet phenomenon resulting, I think, from loneliness and need for personal validation from social media figures.

I came here looking for a possible gift for a boss! I have enough imagination, I hope, to be able to comprehend that this is a guide for an active middle aged man – not literally my dad! :D

I also love your gift guide titles because they feel like your writing voice and the extroverted openness towards others that you show us on COJ.
I have a friend who always sees and names the good in people, and your gift guide titles remind me of her outlook. Sometimes that outlook confuses me when I am so mad at someone or quick to see their flaws. And I used to wonder if she just had inherently better relationships with people in her life than I had. But being friends with her has helped me to also more frequently name the good in others.
I also respect whatever decision you make; it is good to be challenged and pushed to think about how our words are landing on people, especially if people are telling us they hurt. And sometimes that means we decide to make a change. I trust that whether you change them or not, your voice will still come through.

I just read this pinned tweet of Roxanne Gay today, which reminded me of the conversation happening in this space. “I will say it again. My tweets are not meant to be universal. They will not nor cannot account for every reality. If something I say doesn’t include or apply to you that doesn’t invalidate your truth.” – Roxanne Gay

Jo, you cover many difficult topics on this blog including challenges in family relationships. All content does not need to be for all people. My relationships with my parents are strained and difficult, but I have never personalized the gift guide titles to disclude me from participating. I celebrate the quirks in your intimate relationships in these titles and frankly, feel honoured that you share them with us. I respect whatever you choose to do regarding titles moving forward, but I have always loved this small glimpse into your life. Xo

Please don’t change the titles. I love them. Also shouldn’t gifts be for people we like? Shouldn’t we have positive things to say about them?

$15 shipping for a $10 magnet? It’s funny, for sure but no.

Adding to the “don’t change the titles” chorus here!!! And more broadly to say— what has become of the internet!?!? It seems like every blog or social media post that is not sanitized to oblivion and neutralized into nothingness becomes a hot button topic. Why?
We are humans!! We are different! We are nuanced!
If you met someone in person and they told you what they were buying their dad for Christmas you WOULD NOT say— You have some nerve, my dad sucks! (Though you might, if you felt safe, share whatever hard spot you were in with your dad.)
But I can say that I absolutely LOVED reading the comment section and it cracked me up/ made me teary to hear folks give their version of a gift guide title.
Let’s celebrate diversity— first and foremost by keeping a VOICE in these posts that isn’t GENERIC. And it’s a gift guide for the holidays… so yes, it CAN be warm and funny!!
And let’s also KEEP ALL THE VOICES in the comments who make each post more rich and nuanced than the internet will normally allow.
Shared with love.

Please don’t change the titles because some people have less-than relationships with their families… They’re charming and quirky, and although I won’t buy any of these things (don’t celebrate xmas blah, blah, blah) I really enjoy reading them! How you express yourself and your gift guides shouldn’t be dictated by a comments section, honestly what is the world becoming? It’s a blog for goodness sake.

my dad would definitely like the jimmy chin book, the magnet is definitely him LOL, cheese and candy-sweet fruit are definitely two of his favorite food groups, my mom would appreciate the beer glasses.

i think the men (and women!) in my life would also love a handcrafted pocket knife (like these https://gallusblades.com/) and a customized Zippo lighter, not so much for smoking, but rather campfires and candles.

I like to think of blogs, even big, professional, magazine-style ones like CoJ, as generous, unfolding memoirs written in real time. As a childless, midwestern, non-binary, lesbian artist in a different generation than Joanna I don’t come here expecting to see my own life reflected- but rather to see if I can connect with someone else’s life! While I am often happily surprised by our human commonalities, it is in the differences that I glean insight, empathy and compassion for people whose lives differ from mine. This dad? Not my dad. That’s okay. He’s as unique and unrepeatable as we all are, for better or worse.

Please keep the titles! I love them even if I don’t relate to them all.

i love your descriptions of your family members! they are like a little snapshot into your life. please don’t change them! my mom is right wing too but she would love the chocolates, the shirt and especially the framed photo.

I was planning on writing a comment on this post even before I read all the commenters wanting you to change the titles of the gift guides…I was coming here to say, it brings me so much joy to read the titles of your gift guide posts. The little details you include about each family member really shows how much you love all their little quirks, and it warms my heart. I love my family, but I don’t think they really “see” me as I actually am, so it’s lovely to see you acknowledge all the charming little bits of personality in the people you love. I don’t think you should change the titles to acknowledge everyone’s unhappy relationships – to me, it would take away one of the small things I love about this blog, which is the clear affection that you have for the people in your life.

Are we all forgetting that the reason many of us began reading CoJ was because of Joanna’s writing style and her musings about her personal life? I have a god awful relationship with my mother but found some great presents in that gift guide for friends. I often feel wistful when I read her descriptions of her relationship with her family but it helps me think about what kind of mother/daughter/family member I want to be!

It feels like diluting what this blog is to police everything this team writes. I am always in awe of the grace and sensitivity displayed to commenters. Let’s grant Jo and the team the SAME grace since this is a blog founded/centered around her life, though there are other voices and topics to show the diversity of human experience. .

Wow, I love David Shrigley but have never heard of Third Drawer Down! What a treasure trove. Just got a whole bunch of gifts from there. Thanks for the rec :)

I laughed when I read the title. Not my dad at all. But pegs my boyfriend to a T. Ordered him that amazing looking book. He will like it, and it will look good on a table. Win, win!

$62 for a 5×7 frame? Feels out of reach

My suggestion made the gift guide?! *swoons and laughs hysterically*

Seriously, though, I’m Asian American myself and it means a lot that CoJ is supporting businesses run by gals that look like me. Wishing you all well-spiced and delicious food this holiday <3